AITA for getting married before my sister who got engaged before me?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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Imagine a joyful engagement announcement, sparkling with love and promise, only to be dimmed by a sister’s unexpected frown. One woman, freshly engaged after four years with her partner, is thrilled to plan a wedding in just months. But her older sister, engaged for two years with no date in sight, feels slighted, claiming it’s inconsiderate to wed first. The air grows thick with unspoken expectations, leaving the bride-to-be questioning her choice.

This family tiff feels like a rom-com gone awry, with love and rivalry tangled in a knot. The sisters, usually tight-knit, now navigate a rift over wedding timelines. Readers can sense the bride’s confusion and her sister’s sting of perceived betrayal. Is it fair to pause her happiness for her sister’s vague plans, or is this a case of sibling jealousy run amok?

‘AITA for getting married before my sister who got engaged before me?’

My sister's biyfriend proposed about 2 years ago. At that time they had only been dating for 1.5 years, so while everyone was happy for them, it was quite a shock. We asked if they were going down the traditional route and get married within a year, but they said that they were not and would maybe get married in 2-3 years.

At the time of their engagement, my boyfriend and I had been together for 4 years and were not engaged. A couple of weeks back my boyfriend proposed and I said yes. We announced it and also set a date for out wedding which will be in a couple of months.

My sister and I are very close, but she seemde pretty put off by our announcement for some reason. I asked her about it and she confessed that she thought I was being inconsiderate by getting married before her, since she got engaged earlier.

Personally, I feel like you can't expect other people not to get married just because you are engaged. It would be one thing if they got engaged and set a date, but they both said that they would probably wait for a couple of years to get married. I asked her if they were planning something soon and if that was why she was upset, but she said that was not the case.

Since we are close and usually get along, I wonder if I really did something wrong based on her reaction. I can understand that they might have wanted to get married first, but it also seems weird to expect my boyfriend and I to just wait for who knows how long to get married.

Weddings can unearth hidden family tensions, and this sisterly spat is no exception. The bride’s decision to marry soon after her engagement is her prerogative, yet her sister’s hurt feelings reveal a clash of expectations. Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Sibling rivalry often stems from perceived unfairness, especially during major life events like weddings”. Here, the sister’s prolonged engagement may amplify her sensitivity to being “overtaken.”

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The bride’s timeline—engaged and wed within months—contrasts sharply with her sister’s open-ended plans. The sister’s reaction suggests she feels her milestone is being overshadowed, possibly intensified by the pandemic’s impact on her own plans, as 68% of engaged couples delayed weddings due to COVID-19. Yet, expecting the bride to delay her wedding indefinitely is unreasonable and self-centered.

Heitler advises open communication to address sibling rivalry. The bride could acknowledge her sister’s feelings while explaining her excitement for a swift wedding. This validates emotions without compromising her plans. For a solution, a heartfelt talk could clarify intentions, perhaps even involving the sister in wedding planning to rebuild their bond.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit brought its signature mix of blunt support and sharp wit to the table, rallying behind the bride. Here’s what the community had to say:

Mysterious-Wish8398 − NTA - Does she really expect no one to get married for 5-8 years while they make up their minds? Soooo NTA. That being said, you might try to be kind, in case her real problem is her boyfriend proposed with no plan to actually get married and she wants to get married badly. If she really isn’t ready to get married too, then she is very self centered..

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Ok_Smell_8260 − NTA. You snooze, you lose. If she wanted to get married first she should have done something about it.

Delicious-Fuel-5734 − NTA. She’s making it seem like you maliciously planned to get married before her, when obviously that’s not the case. You said it yourself, just because she’s engaged, doesn’t mean other people can’t get married as well.

Otherwise-Table1935 − NTA. she doesnt get to call firsties and savsies.

electricstaplerchan − NTA. Is it possible shes sensing her spouse doesn't want to marry her? And that's why the wedding isn't happening vs her wanting to wait. So it's become a sensitive topic that is now spilling over into her relationship with you ?

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Master-Manipulation − NTA. You shouldn’t have to wait for her to get married.. Plus she had plenty of chances to marry before you and didn’t, so that’s on her

bruisedavocadotoast − NTA Everyone has their own time table (or lack there of) of how long an engagement should last. Her schedule is right for her. Your schedule is right for you. Some regions and religions feel older daughters should be married out of the family before younger daughters.

Unsure if that could be coming into play here. Your sister’s feelings are still valid. If you are as close as you say, it may still be good to get to the bottom of what is causing her to feel this way.

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zukolover96 − NTA. If she wanted to get married before you she should have set a date. What if she had a 10 year engagement would you be expected to wait until then for your wedding? She is being ridiculous.

sumg − I'm going to be a bit more charitable here and say NAH. You're right in the sense that your sister doesn't have an exclusive claim to the entirety of an extremely protracted engagement period. But if I look at this from her perspective, I can see why she might have had her feathers ruffled.

Your engagement period is going to be very short from a modern perspective. It would be very easy (not necessarily true, but easy) to read that as you and your fiancé rushing through the engagement process to get to the altar first.

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And if you've spent enough time on subreddits like this one, you'll know there absolutely are people petty enough to do this (again, not claiming this is you, just that these people exist). There's also the extra monkey wrench of the pandemic.

I notice that your sister's engagement pretty squarely overlaps with the whole pandemic situation, and I wouldn't be terribly surprised to learn that she's had to either postpone or scale back her plans to account for that issue.

And now that everything is starting to return to normal, you're coming in an jumping in front of her. To be abundantly clear, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with having a short engagement period or anything that you specifically have done.

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But I can see how your sister would misinterpret it and be a bit put off. But, so long as she doesn't actually take any action to hurt you, I don't really have an issue with her being a bit upset. She has license to feel how she feels, even if it's not the response you were hoping for.

Mpg19470 − NTA. How self centered of her to expect you to get married on her timeline!

These hot takes are bold, but do they capture the full nuance of sibling dynamics, or are they just Reddit’s classic clapback energy?

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This engagement drama underscores how love and family can stir up unexpected rivalries. The bride’s excitement for her wedding clashes with her sister’s sense of priority, leaving both grappling with hurt. Life’s milestones shouldn’t be a race, but feelings can complicate the finish line. Have you faced sibling tension over big life events? What would you do—press forward with your plans or pause to smooth things over?

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