AITA for getting mad at my wife whenever she talks descendingly about my our son’s work?

Under the warm glow of a dinner party, where clinking glasses and laughter fill the air, a father’s pride in his son’s daring aerial performances collides with his wife’s cutting remarks. Their son, a star in a renowned horror-themed circus, soars through breathtaking acts that leave audiences in awe. Yet, his mother brushes off his talent, casually labeling him a “circus worker” with a smirk that stings. The room feels the weight of her words, setting the stage for a family showdown.

The father’s heart aches as his wife’s condescension dims their son’s shine, painting a false picture of struggle. When he finally speaks up, correcting her in front of friends, her facade crumbles, sparking a fiery exit to the car. This Reddit saga, brimming with tension and loyalty, draws readers into a clash of pride and shame, where a parent’s support battles a spouse’s scorn.

‘AITA for getting mad at my wife whenever she talks descendingly about my our son’s work?’

So basically my son is a professional aerial performer and is currently performing in this large and popular horror themed circus where we live. I know I may be biased but in my opinion, he's really good and it's just amazing to watch him perform, maybe a little scary sometimes and I sometimes worry about him with some of the tricks and acts he does.

My wife however will just tell people he works in the circus. Never mentioning that he's an aerial performer, that he actually works independently and is basically a contractor (i don't know if there are any proper terms, but this is the best way I can describe it), that he works with a very large and popular circus. Just that he works in the circus.

Whenever we are out and she sees a clown she will point at it and say “look, it's \[son’s name\]”. And it is very clear she looks down on him for what he does, she assumes he makes next to nothing and is 'poor'. I know he’s. He doesn't make a crazy amount, but he makes enough to support himself well.

This all came to a head when we were with some of her friends and one of them ask if our son could entertain her kids at a birthday party, promising to pay him “generously” since “he must be struggling”. My wife laughed and responded with “ill see if he's free”.

I butted in saying “he probably won't be able to since the birthday falls on a day when \[popular circus\], which is where he works as a headline aerial act in is fully booked because it's so close to the New Year.” Almost everyone there was shocked since all this info was new to them, my wife looked pissed and left.

She sat in the car and texted me that she wants to leave. I stayed for about 20 mins answering questions and showing them some videos. The woman who asked apologised, saying she was given the impression by my wife that our son was a struggling and failing cheap circus performer and wanted to help him.

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When I finally left and got in the car my wife yelled at me, saying that I made her look like an i**ot and horrible mother in front of her friends. When we got home she stormed out the car and locked herself in our bedroom crying loudly she's been like this for almost an hour now and I’m starting to feel awful and like an AH. I could have just left it alone, so AITA?

This family feud spins a tale of pride clashing with judgment. The father’s glowing admiration for his son’s aerial artistry contrasts sharply with his wife’s dismissive remarks, which shrink a thriving career into a caricature of failure. Her habit of calling him a “circus worker” betrays a deeper discomfort with his unconventional path, likely rooted in societal biases that equate non-traditional jobs with instability. A 2023 Bureau of Labor Statistics report shows only 2% of U.S. workers are in creative arts, often facing unfair stereotypes about their financial security.

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Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, observes, “Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce, as it erodes respect and connection”. The wife’s condescending tone risks alienating her son and straining her marriage. Her behavior may stem from unmet expectations perhaps she hoped for a more “prestigious” career like medicine or law. The father’s public correction, while sharp, was a stand for his son’s dignity, highlighting a rift that needs addressing.

This situation reflects a broader issue: parents often struggle to embrace careers that defy traditional success metrics. The wife’s scorn suggests insecurity or embarrassment, possibly fearing judgment from her social circle. The father’s response, though tactically bold, underscores his role as his son’s advocate. To move forward, he could initiate a private conversation to explore her feelings, asking why she diminishes their son’s achievements. Attending a performance together might help her see the skill and passion involved.

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Couples therapy could foster mutual understanding, helping the wife reframe her perspective and rebuild respect. The father should continue championing his son while encouraging open dialogue at home. Readers are invited to share their own experiences of navigating family expectations around unconventional careers, sparking a lively discussion about pride and acceptance in today’s diverse job landscape.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit community rallied behind the father, praising his defense of his son’s talent. Commenters called out the wife’s belittling behavior as unfair and harmful, noting her embarrassment was self-inflicted. They admired the son’s dedication and urged the father to keep supporting him, suggesting the wife’s attitude might reflect her own insecurities.

Some speculated she could be jealous or worried about societal judgment, but the consensus held her remarks were out of line. The community’s takes highlight the value of celebrating unique career paths, encouraging reflection on how family support shapes success.

ScienceNotKids − NTA. If telling the truth makes her look like a horrible mother, then she is one.

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Diligent_Brick_5023 − Well.. maybe she shouldn't act like a horrible Mom and general all around asshat.. NTA

CrystalQueen3000 − NTA Your wife is really out of order. Seems like she has a big problem with her son not conforming to her standards of success, but her shaming and belittling him to others is disgusting.. Aerial performers are amazing, it’s a shame she is not proud of his skills or success.

GreekAmericanDom − NTA. Your wife though,... hooboy.. Your wife made your son look awful, and by extension herself an i**ot. It is time to have a come to Jesus moment. You need to sit your wife down and demand that she accept your son for who he is and be proud of him.

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If she does not, she will lose him, and strain the relationship between the two of you. Personally, if my wife acted like that toward my son, I would leave her. (Note: am divorcing my wife for a myriad of other reasons, so take this advice with a grain of salt.)

crckhre − 100% NTA Your wife is a total A**hole here. As she is making your son look bad in front of everyone, for whatever reason, she kind of deserves this.. I’m glad, you stood up for your son.

del901 − NTA, but your wife is. Even if your son was a struggling performer, putting him down to her friends is just not cool. And very nice of your friend who apologized... she was trying to do something nice, given the knowledge she had.

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Your son has an awesome profession that very few people in the world ever master. You have a right to be proud. Your wife is either embarrassed or jealous. Doesn't matter which. You did nothing wrong and do not apologize to her.

Iedyn_elodie − NTA .. but I think you should talk to your wife about this. Why is she ashamed of your son? Most likely she wanted him to be a dr, lawyer, etc something easily recognizable as successful. Or is there a chance she doesn't truly understand what your does and how he is supporting himself?

Summoning-Freaks − NTA. You’re standing up for your son and clearly proud of what he’s doing. I’ve done some aerial sports and f**k, the muscle control you must have and pain you must work through! This is nowhere near as easy or simple as pros make it look.

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Your son must be so talented and dedicated to his craft to have done so well, please keep supporting him and not letting your wife diminish his accomplishments. Your wife made herself look bad by always talking down about your son. It blew up in her face when her very kind friend offered to hire him to help him out financially, this is a situation your wife created.

OverallDisaster − NTA, your wife is being horrible and rude. Is she your son’s mom or stepmom, just to clarify?

imustbeanangel − NTA she just knows her friends now see her for what she is and probably is worried they won't want too be friends with her since she talks about her son in such a degrading manner, she is crying for herself because she has been caught out as a bad mother (which she is). Well done for eventually setting them straight.

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This story weaves a vivid tapestry of pride, scorn, and family loyalty, highlighting the power of words in shaping relationships. The father’s stand for his son’s aerial artistry was a bold move to restore his dignity, though it left his wife publicly humbled.

A quieter approach might have eased the tension, but his instinct to protect resonates with anyone who’s felt their work undervalued. Have you ever had to defend someone’s passion against family judgment? Share your experiences in the comments and join the conversation about balancing loyalty and harmony at home.

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