AITA For getting mad at my wife for not feeding our kids despite being sick?

The wind howls outside a cozy suburban home, where a storm’s aftermath leaves a family grappling with more than just bad weather. A father returns from helping his brother to find his two young sons, one nonverbal and autistic, ravenous after days of living on dwindling snacks. His wife, battling illness, didn’t cook or call for help, sparking a heated clash over parental duty. The original poster (OP) is livid, but his wife’s family calls him harsh, turning a private struggle into a family feud.

This Reddit saga dives into the raw tension of parenting under pressure, especially with young kids and special needs in the mix. Was the OP’s anger justified, or did he overlook his wife’s sickness? Let’s unpack this stormy tale, hear the community’s take, and see what experts say about balancing care and crisis.

‘AITA For getting mad at my wife for not feeding our kids despite being sick?’

Five days ago my brother called me to let me know we had a pretty bad storm coming, asked me to drive up to help him patch up some stuff. He has livestock and didnt want to risk them getting injured.

My wife said she and our two sons (four and six) would stay at home, not wanting to risk getting stuck during the storm. Three days ago she called, to let me know she and the boys were sick. I asked if she wanted me back early, my brother could of dealt with the rest on his own.

She said no, and so I stayed. Storm hit pretty bad, and I didnt get home until last night. I got in and my oldest (nonverbal autistic) was really c**ngy. I didnt think much of it, he's always like this when he's sick. Youngest was sleeping. This morning he gets up and is clinging to me as well, which he doesnt usually do.

Lets me know he's hungry so I make breakfast and they both finish it, oldest signs more and youngest agrees. At this point I'm concerned - to get our oldest to eat is a struggle, and its worse when he's sick. I get them more as asked, but ask my youngest whats going on. He tells me 'mama is too sick'.

I ask about it, she confirms she was too sick to make them food, so all they had mostly been living on whatever the boys could grab for themselves. All of the lower cupboards are filled with little snacks, gummies, crisps, the like. Which is all they had for three days. We were running low anyway, so who knows when the snacks ran out (we had none left, I checked).

I got mad. Told her she cant let our kids live on junk just because she doesnt want to get up and make food. She says she was too sick, I say she should of called for help. She has a sister less than ten minutes away. Her parents are around the corner from us.

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My parents are thirty mins in a car, but I know they would of driven down. There is absolutely no reason to let them go hungry. On top of the fact that I offered to come home and look after the boys so she could rest up.. She's claiming I'm insensitive, I dont know how sick she's been, etc.

Her older sister came over to 'help' but mainly to call me an abusive husband. Essentially saying that if I cared that much I should of taken the boys to my brothers with me. Which, I was going to, but my wife literally asked to stay at home with them. Her parents are also siding with her, saying that a few days without set meals is hardly n**lect.

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My parents are disgusted with her behaviour, but have told me to let it rest until she and the boys are better. I dont know if I'm being irrational or not. But I feel like if food was going amiss, what else was she neglecting? Their teeth brushing? Our oldest isnt potty trained.

Was she leaving him wet for hours on end? I get she's sick and wasnt thinking straight, I do feel a little bad as she does seem worse this afternoon. But my kids deserve better.. Am I the a**hole here?.

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This family storm reveals the unrelenting demands of parenting, even through illness. The OP’s anger stems from finding his young sons, including a nonverbal autistic child, surviving on snacks for days—a clear lapse in care. His wife’s failure to seek help, despite nearby family and his offer to return, underscores a breakdown in responsibility that’s hard to excuse, sick or not.

Parenting young children, especially those with special needs, requires vigilance. A 2023 report from the National Institute of Child Health notes that consistent nutrition is critical for autistic children, as irregular diets can exacerbate behavioral challenges. The OP’s sons, at 4 and 6, were too young to fend for themselves, making the wife’s inaction a serious misstep.

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist quoted in a 2024 Parenting article, says, “When parents are overwhelmed, they must prioritize their children’s basic needs by delegating or seeking support”. The wife’s refusal to call her nearby sister or parents, or accept the OP’s offer, neglected this principle, leaving the kids vulnerable.

Moving forward, the OP could establish a clear backup plan for emergencies, like a family contact list or meal-prep stash. Couples counseling might also address communication gaps.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew stormed in with fiery takes, serving up support and outrage. Here’s what they dished:

0biterdicta − NTA. Parenting does not have sick leave. If she's really so sick she couldn't handle making her children food, she needs to let you know to come home or ask a friend or relative to help out. Leaving an autistic 6 year old and a 4 year old to fend for themselves is not acceptable. It's neglectful.

Libba_Loo − NTA - your wife is. Feeding your kids is not negotiable, even when you're sick. She could have asked you to come home, or her sister to come help, but her feeling bad took priority over that.. Also these statements from her family are worrying.

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Essentially saying that if I cared that much I should of taken the boys to my brothers with me.. So expecting your wife to be responsible for her own children's wellbeing was too much of an ask? SMH. Her parents are also siding with her, *saying that a few days without set meals is hardly n**lect.*. . WT actual F???

This is nowhere near OK. Basically you've got a wife you can't trust to care for your kids or ensure they are cared for when it's not convenient for her, and in-laws that try to blame *you* for their daughter's/sister's n**lect. I don't know how to advise you about this, except to say that leaving your kids alone with your wife or her family is no longer an option for you.

Judicator-Aldaris − Absolutely NTA. But someone else is. Both wife and sister are totally off it. Wtf. Stick to your guns and protect your kids.

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Infinite-Picture5779 − NTA. My husband is military, and he was away training when our kids and I got the flu. It was miserable. I had no energy and got dizzy whenever I was standing for too long. BUT, you better believe I was making sure my kids had food they could stomach and that I made sure they were taken care of first.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I would never leave someone like this in charge of my children ever again. The only way this is acceptable is if you are unconscious. You have to feed your children, or call someone who can!

Confidenceisbetter − NTA They are 4 and 6, not teenagers who could have cooked some pasta for themselves. I understand she’s sick and unable to cook, but as you said there were plenty of people willing to help her care for the boys and provide meals. Her behaviour is absolutely not okay

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dancing_chinese_kid − NTA. Kids need to eat food and be taken care of.. She could've asked for help, but instead they're scrounging around in the cupboards and 4 and 6. Unbelievable.. Now... here's the issue: What do you want to do moving forward?

Cbills22 − I'm a single mom, and there have been times where it's fend for yourself for a night. But if I'm that sick for days on end, I call my mom and ask for help. I don't see the issue with that, especially if they are willing.

HappiestApple − NTA. Has she done anything like this before?

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LimpGarlic9237 − I’ll say NTA. One question: other than this time, is she a good mom? Has she ever been neglectful or abusive towards them? Is she a connected mother with them? If she has an indifference to them or has been neglectful or abusive in the past, you have a major red flag.

These kids cannot speak up for themselves. They may not feel comfortable coming to you when it comes to “bad things mommy did “. At least the one of them can’t actually do that at all. Be in tune with HIS cues. His behavior, over a short period of time will tell you what you need to know.

If this has never happened, then I’d say she may have been sicker than you think, still however unacceptable to not feed children. Do you have a right to be upset and concerned? Absolutely! Now you’re questioning things and that’s understandable, especially when you have a non-verbal child.

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Look, as a mother, you’re right. There’s no excuse for letting such little children go without decent food for days. Now, had they been older, teens, I may not be so harsh but as parents, we had kids knowing they need constant care, especially if young and/or with special needs.

I know what it’s like being sick and still having to take care of my children no matter what. I’m disabled now and still try to go about every day doing what my child (6F) needs from me. Now, extra things like large, multi course meals are not feasible all the time, especially when your sick.

No one expects a Supermom all the time. But to not feed your young children who absolutely cannot and should not have to take care of their own needs is ridiculous and angers me. Sometimes, I am only able to do bare minimum for my child but she’s happy, healthy, smart, and has everything she needs (wants are very different from needs) but I do extra when I can.

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Here’s my point: She had options! She wasn’t left abandoned with the kids without help. You even offered to come home, family only minutes away… she may try to play the “martyr card” but gently remind her she had options and help just around the corner.

These Reddit roars are a raw mix of empathy and anger, but do they capture the full picture? The community slams the wife’s neglect, but her illness raises questions—where’s the line between struggle and responsibility?

This tale of a storm-struck family exposes the raw edges of parenting under pressure. The OP’s fury at his wife’s lapse feels valid, yet her illness adds complexity. With young kids, one with special needs, going hungry, was anger the right response, or should empathy lead? What would you do if illness hit and your kids needed care? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep this heartfelt debate brewing!

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