AITA for getting mad at my mom because she doesn’t respect my privacy?

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The house felt like a revolving door, with privacy as scarce as a quiet moment. For a 17-year-old, her bedroom was no sanctuary when her mom barged in without knocking, catching her mid-change. Scrambling to cover up, she faced her mom’s dismissive “I made you, I know what you have,” sparking more than embarrassment—it was a cry for respect.

Living with her parents and three sisters, two bathrooms and a half weren’t enough to secure solitude. Her siblings treated boundaries like suggestions, and her mom’s attitude fueled the frustration. Her outburst led to a family rift and a grounding. Was she wrong to demand her space?

‘AITA for getting mad at my mom because she doesn’t respect my privacy?’

I (17f) live at home with my mom, dad, and 3 sisters. My family has no respect when it comes to privacy. My siblings will often walk into the restroom while i’m changing/showering so they can use the toilet. I get emergencies but they literally only use that bathroom because it’s the closest and they don’t want to walk down the hall (literally 10 feet) to use the half bathroom.

We have 2 bathrooms and a half. Obviously you’d think it could be avoided but somehow someway there’s always someone barging in to use it, to brush their teeth, wash their face, do makeup etc. Onto the current situation, my mom. She has the mentality of “i made you, i know what you have” followed by “we have the same parts you don’t have anything to hide”.

And it annoys the crap out of me. Once she came into the restroom without knocking and grabbed my dirty clothes plus the dirty towels and neglected to put clean ones up. i got annoyed by it because i was given two options, walk bare ass n**ed to my room, or wait 10 minutes. So i waited.

Today, i was in my room changing and she barged in which made me cover up quickly and she got annoyed that i covered up. She said i was being “suspicious” like i had something to hide. She went on with her same attitude, “i made you blah blah blah” and i blew up at her.

I told her she needed to respect my privacy and stop walking into my room unannounced. She got upset and walked out to talk to my dad about it. My dad said i was being mean and my mom didn’t deserve my attitude. Now they’re demanding i apologize because i was “out of line”. Aita?

This family’s privacy clash is a textbook boundary struggle. For the 17-year-old, her mother’s habit of barging in feels like a violation, while her mom sees it as her right. It’s not just about an open door—it’s about respect and autonomy as a young woman nears adulthood.

Dr. John Gottman, a noted psychologist, says, “Respecting boundaries is critical for healthy relationships, especially as teens develop their sense of self.” The teen’s frustration comes from her mother dismissing her need for independence. The “I made you” line treats privacy as optional, which can chip away at trust and make the teen feel unheard.

This reflects a wider issue: balancing family closeness with personal space. Research shows many teens feel their privacy is undervalued, often leading to conflict. The mother’s control might stem from wanting connection, but it risks pushing her daughter away by ignoring her need for autonomy. The teen’s outburst, though heated, shows years of dismissed pleas for respect.

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For solutions, the teen could try a calm talk outside tense moments, using “I feel” statements to share her discomfort. Setting clear rules—like knocking before entering—could help. A door wedge might reinforce boundaries without escalating things. Dr. Gottman stresses consistent boundary-setting, suggesting small, firm steps to build mutual respect. The mother may need time to adjust, but recognizing her daughter’s growing independence could strengthen their bond.

This story raises a big question: how do families navigate the shift from childhood closeness to adult autonomy? The teen’s stand, even with a grounding, shows her resolve.

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of fiery support and practical tips with a side of humor. Here’s what they had to say:

b00tsc00ter − NTA you have every right to expect your boundaries are respected. If you've told someone that something they do makes you feel uncomfortable, they are completely disrespecting you if they continue. Doesn't matter if it's a school bully, a creepy neighbour or your mum.

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firefly232 − NTA.. get rubber wedge doorstops and use them when you are getting changed or in the bathroom.

max_advice − NTA your mother has some control issues. This is not okay, you're entitled to your privacy. I think you should look into strategies for establishing boundaries with your parents. Good luck!

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akaNorman − NTA. You’re entitled to your privacy and you’re absolutely entitled to not have people walking in on you when you are n**ed. That’s about as basic a right as any human being could ask for. You should think of exactly how you’d like to talk to your mum / family about the issue and then talk it out, but be firm on your position.

Ask your mother if “Walking in on my daughter n**ed” is a right she is so firmly attached to and if so, why? You’re almost an adult and you dont need to feel even the slightest bit guilty for asking for the most basic of privacy

[Reddit User] − I don't think you are being mean enough. You are almost an adult, it stopped being 'nudity is not an issue' the moment you felt weird about it. Some people would be okay with the nudity, I know people who pee with the door open and no one gives a s**t. It's a dynamic both people have to consent to.

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I have a good friend who I lived with for a few months. She is comfortable nude, but when we lived together she said she would wear a dress around me. She didn't have to, but I appreciated her thinking of my comfort.. NTA What I would suggest is you talk to your Mom without the tension going on.

So when you aren't in the 'n**ed' moment. And you need to tell her from now on, you don't want her to come in when you are n**ed. This means she needs to knock and let you answer. If it doesn't happen, then you will ask advice from someone outside the house.

l4mpSh4d3 − NTA. Teenage years are tough and your parents should definitely give you some space. I assume you're the oldest sibling and you're the first one who's suffering from this situation. You could mention that their behaviour is similar to mild

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(but very real) emotional abuse. I say mild because it's probably not reportable but somewhere in that direction. Would your mum use the same argument (the 'she made you' bs) to justify hitting you?. Edit: typo

[Reddit User] − NTA. Lock. The. Door. That is if you have one.

[Reddit User] − NTA Show your parents the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child 

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[Reddit User] − Nta. There is only one way out of this. It might scar you for life but you'll only have to do it once. nKeep an ear out for when your parents are having s** and just walk in, sit on the bed and talk as if absolutely nothing is going on.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You’ve made it clear it’s a boundary that you have and they won’t respect it. Maybe you could’ve not blown up but youre almost an adult and your parents should treat you as such. When she constantly does something that makes you uncomfortable, *after you’ve asked her not to*, you’re going to have to try to enforce boundaries some how.

These Redditors rallied behind the teen, but do their suggestions hold up in real life? Locking doors or using wedges sounds simple, but navigating family pushback is trickier.

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This young woman’s fight for privacy strikes a chord—who hasn’t craved a little space in a crowded house? Her bold stand, even at the cost of being grounded, shows a spark of independence that’s hard to ignore. While her mom’s intentions might come from love, dismissing boundaries risks fracturing trust. What would you do if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts, experiences, or tips below—how do you carve out personal space when family feels too close for comfort?

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