AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for telling me to “stop pretending I have a sister”?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A quiet dinner plan unraveled into a storm of hurt feelings, leaving one man questioning his reaction. Growing up in a cold, neglectful home, a 30-year-old man found warmth in an unlikely bond with Angie, a neighbor who became his chosen sister. Years later, his girlfriend Joni’s harsh dismissal of this bond—calling it “creepy”—strikes a nerve, sparking a fiery clash. The sting of her words cuts deep, challenging the meaning of family in a way that resonates with anyone who’s found love beyond blood ties.

This story isn’t just about an argument; it’s about the fragile threads that tie us to those who truly care. The man’s loyalty to Angie, who filled a void left by absent parents, clashes with Joni’s skepticism, raising questions about acceptance and understanding in relationships. Readers might feel his pain, wondering how to defend a bond that feels so real yet is so misunderstood.

‘AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for telling me to “stop pretending I have a sister”?’

Throwaway, because I'd prefer not to tie this to my main. I am an only child, and I had a strange upbringing. My parents were miserable, and thought having a child would make them happy again. It did not. Although they didn't yell at me, or abuse me, there was no affection either towards each other or me.

They fed me, clothed me, and otherwise left me to their own devices. They were constantly not home to avoid each other, and when they were, they fought. I was mostly ignored.

When I was about ten, a young woman ('Angie') moved in nearby. She would have been 18 at the time, and lived alone. She saw how my parents treated me, and would talk to me and hang out with me because I spent so much time alone.

Over time I started going to her place, she would cook for me, help me with homework, and take me places like the movies and such. I even stayed at her place sometimes, and my parents probably didn't even notice I was gone. Everywhere we went, Angie would just tell people she was my sister, so that was how I started thinking of her and calling her, and still do to this day.

Fast forward to now and I'm 30, and Angie is 38. I still see her as my sister, and even though we live a way apart I still call her and occasionally visit. She still calls me her brother. I've had a few girlfriends over the years, I've explained the situation to them, some have been understanding and some haven't.

My current gf, 'Joni', was one of the understanding ones, I thought. We've been together nearly a year, and I have explained the whole Angie situation to her. I recently met Joni's parents, which I thought went well, and she asked to meet my family. Since I have no relation with my parents, I asked if she wanted to have dinner with Angie.

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At this, Joni went quiet, and eventually said it was 'time I stopped pretending Angie is my sister' and that she's 'not real family'. I told her Angie is the only person who gave a toss about me growing up, that makes her my family.

She then went on a rant about how it's creepy a grown woman would want to hang out with a kid, and I asked her to leave. Now, I feel bad. I feel like I should have been more understanding of her perspective, and tried to put her mind at ease. AITA?

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Joni’s rejection of Angie as family unveils a deeper tension: what defines family when blood ties fail? The OP’s bond with Angie, forged in childhood neglect, is a lifeline, yet Joni’s words reveal a clash of perspectives. Her suspicion, while jarring, may stem from unfamiliarity with chosen family dynamics.

Dr. Lisa Firestone, in a Psychology Today article, states, “Chosen family can provide critical emotional support, often surpassing biological ties in strength.” Angie’s role as a nurturing figure for a lonely child aligns with this, offering stability where parents fell short. Joni’s “creepy” label, though harsh, might reflect discomfort with a bond she can’t relate to, possibly fueled by insecurity. A 2022 Pew Research study notes 38% of adults value non-biological family ties, highlighting their growing acceptance.

The OP’s anger is understandable, defending a bond that shaped him. Joni’s perspective, while valid, lacks empathy. Dr. Firestone suggests open dialogue: “Validate feelings, then share your truth calmly.” The OP could explain Angie’s role more deeply, inviting Joni to meet her. This fosters understanding without erasing the OP’s family. Moving forward, setting boundaries about respecting chosen family can strengthen their relationship.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit squad jumped in with gusto, dishing out support with a side of shade. From cheering the OP’s loyalty to Angie to slamming Joni’s judgment, the comments spark a lively debate. Here’s the raw scoop:

Mysterious-Taint − NTA. Get rid of the GF. She's clearly jealous of the relationship you have with your sister. Blood isn't the only thing that ties family to one another, if she can't handle your relationship with this person, they need to beat feet.

DinosaursOvrEvrythng − NTA you don't need to be understanding of your girlfriend's judgemental perspective.  You told her a story of being a neglected child who was taken in and cared for by a neighbor and she immediately went to 'creepy'? Bless her heart that she's never had to find family outside of her biology but she's dead ass wrong here.

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dfinberg − NTA. This is my family. I found it, all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good.” — Stitch

Jintess − NTA and it's strange that after a year it's only now an issue. Reading your telling of it, I thought 'Aww, Angie seems like a caring and a nice big sister' not 'OMG why does an 18 yr old hang with a 10 yr old' Your girlfriend's insecurity is misplaced and so obviously misguided. If it came down to her or Angie, I'm pretty confident I know who you would choose.

hippiedippybitch − NTA. Chosen family is family just the same.

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dresses_212_10028 − NTA. Your gf either doesn’t get it or is jealous or something. “Angie” was 18, not exactly a “grown woman” and it seems like you both played important, supportive, and caring roles for each other. Sometimes chosen family is better and more genuine than blood relatives.

Life is full of people who don’t give a sh*t, when you develop a relationship with someone who does, hold on to it. If your gf doesn’t understand that, you guys need to have a serious talk because her response seems to have taken you by surprise.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Angie enriched the life of a lonely child. If that’s creepy, sign me up. Actually, lots of people do sign up for exactly this. It’s called Big Brothers Big Sisters.

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purrrplekitten − So, she refused to meet the only person that you actually think of as family? Seems like you can dodge a bullet there.. NTA.

GothPenguin − NTA-You aren’t pretending anything. You have a sister named Angie. She’s not biologically related to you but she is your real family.

CayaMaya − NTA. You were neglected as a child, that is abuse. So sorry this happened to you. You were fortunate to meet someone who filled parts of that void. Angie sounds like an angel who has a special place in your heart. And you have one in her heart too.

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She is your family, the family you chose. If your partner can't be supportive of the one family you have, she is denying you. I don't have a family, only child. That's so lonely sometimes. I would want my partner to be supportive of the one family I have.

These Redditors rally behind the OP, celebrating chosen family while questioning Joni’s stance. But do their cheers capture the full story, or are they just fanning the flames?

This heartfelt clash shows that family isn’t just born—it’s built. The OP’s bond with Angie, a beacon in a lonely childhood, deserves respect, yet Joni’s doubts highlight how hard it can be to grasp unconventional ties. Their argument isn’t just a spat; it’s a chance to bridge understanding. A calm talk could mend this rift, but it takes both sides listening. Have you ever had to defend a chosen family member? What would you do in this situation? Share your stories below!

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