AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for destroying my farm?

The glow of a laptop screen lit up a cozy evening, as a 22-year-old gamer tended his virtual Stardew Valley farm, a labor of love built in his rare solo hours. But when his girlfriend of 6 years, jealous of his progress, trashed his crops, animals, and buildings while he cooked dinner, the virtual betrayal sparked a real-world fight. Her apology came, but his trust—and love for the game—faded, leaving him to question their shared future.

This isn’t just about a ruined save file; it’s a clash of trust, respect, and emotional maturity in a relationship tested by jealousy. The couple’s shared gaming passion turned sour, pulling us into the heart of a modern love story gone awry.

‘AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for destroying my farm?’

I (22M) and my girlfriend (24F) have been together for 6 years. We both like videogames but I play more than her for the following reasons:. 1. She gets nauseous while playing games that have a lot of camera movement.. 2. She doesn't have a lot of time, she works about 60 hours a week.. 3. She doesn't purchase games, she has to help her family with bills.

We've been wanting to play together for a long time so I tried helping her, I gave her my xbox a few years ago and last year I bought her a laptop and shared my steam account with her. But again, she hasn't been able to play because of the reasons mentioned earlier..

I bought a game called Stardew Valley for myself a couple years ago but didn't make time to play it until I realized it had multiplayer in it, so I thought it was the perfect game for us, and it is. I told her about it and she didn't think it was good because it didn't look as pretty as Animal Crossing, but as soon as we started playing we fell in love with it.

We play maybe once or twice every week for about 1 or 2 hours. I really like the game and wanted to play longer, so a couple weeks ago I told her that I was going to create a new save file so I could play by myself and she said 'sure, no problem. I'll do the same when I have time.'

So I did just that, I played on my savefile when I was alone and played with her on our shared savefile whe she was available. The issue began this week, she came to my house as I was playing and she saw that I was advancing really fast and I had a lot of things already.

She got angry and I told her that it had nothing to do with our farm and that I still enjoyed playing with her and I thought that was it. Yesterday she was in my room and I went to the kitchen to make dinner, but when I came back to the room I saw that she literally destroyed my farm.

My crops were gone, my animals were gone, my buildings were destroyed and I had no money, so a lot of hours getting those things wasted. She had already saved so I couldn't fix it. Of course it is not the end of the world but I was really pissed so I yelled at her.

She screamed back saying that I was supposed to play with her and that I left her behind, I told her that it was not a competition and that I was just enjoying the game, I wanted to play with her and play separately on my own farm, that is why I created two farms. I just gave her her dinner and told her to not speak to me and we went to sleep like that.

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Today she apologized and told me that she wants to play, but I told her that I don't want to play with her anymore, heck I don't even want to play Stardew Valley anymore. AITA for getting mad and refusing to play with her anymore? I can understand her frustration because she doesn't have a lot of free time but on the other hand, she destroyed something of mine just to hurt me.

Relationships thrive on trust, but a single act of sabotage can fracture it. The girlfriend’s decision to destroy her boyfriend’s Stardew Valley farm, driven by jealousy over his solo progress, was a petty betrayal, undermining their agreed-upon boundaries. His anger and refusal to play together reflect a wounded trust, while her apology, though a start, doesn’t erase the intent to hurt.

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A 2024 study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 55% of couples face conflicts over perceived inequities in shared hobbies, often escalating when emotions like jealousy go unchecked. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Respecting individual boundaries, even in shared activities, is key to mutual trust.”

The couple could rebuild by discussing triggers and setting clearer gaming rules, but rebuilding trust requires consistent effort.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit stormed in like a pixelated pitchfork mob, tossing out takes as bold as a Stardew Valley harvest. Here’s what they said about this virtual vandalism.

Virulencer - NTA.. she destroyed something of mine just to hurt me. This sums it up perfectly. She was fine with you starting your own farm, but when she realized how much further ahead you were, she got upset, which is fine. What is not fine is reacting the way she did. She wanted to hurt you and that isn't how mature adults deal with their frustrations.

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[Reddit User] - NTA.. I might be the a**hole because I played without her. Except that you *told* her you were going to do that, and she said fine. She only got upset because...honestly, I'm not sure *why* she got upset. It's not like the joint savefile wouldn't have caught up to yours if she'd kept playing it.

Or if she wanted to see how the new stuff worked, she could've *asked* to play with the new savefile, or if you could make a copy for her. But no, she just went straight to 'if I can't have it immediately, you can't have it at all.' If this is how she behaves when she's jealous of you over a virtual farm, that doesn't bode well for her ability to handle real life conflict with *actual* stakes.

geogal6969 - NTA Wow. Why are you dating a child? Is this normal behavior from her?

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Randyyoursticks1 - NTA. Stay away from people who’s first reaction to being jealous of you or frustrated is to hurt you. Someone mentioned she might be o**rwhelmed with stress and that’s why she did this but if anything that just sets off worse alarm bells.

There’s going to be a lot of tough times in her life because that’s life; do you want to spend those times having to hide your stuff so she doesn’t break them and praying she doesn’t turn you into her punching bag?

PensiveGamez - I've messaged you how to roll back a save. I hope it gets to you in time.

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tazmania333 - NTA but your gf is a major A**hole. You sound like you have put in alot of effort into making it possible for you and your gf to play together. Instead of being grateful she is being so petty and hateful. She also showed you that you can't trust her with your personal belongings. If playing video games is something that triggers her so much you guys should just play by yourselves. She needs to figure out her own problems.

Katja1236 - NTA. She was being petty, childish, and selfish. I love Stardew myself, and I know how much work it takes to build up a really nice farm. Destroying that just to hurt you is awful. Not the girlfriend you want.

On a side note, if you like Stardew Valley, you might also like My Time at Portia, where you play a Builder in a lovely Ghibli-esque postapocalyptic town with some delightful characters. I've been hyperfixating on both games.

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yukidaviji - NTA. She destroyed hard work because she was mad SHE wasn’t there when it happened. That’s incredibly controlling and worrisome that she gets so angry that she destroys things if she wasn’t doing the thing with you. Will you one day find your computer destroyed because you went to a party without her?. I know Stardew (love it myself), you have every right to be mad at her.

throwawaynoww12 - I don't know if I can do this so please let me know if I'm not supposed to give a little update as a comment.. I was able to recover my farm!!!!!... Part of it at least. I want to thank PensiveGamez and a few other awesome people that helped me recover my savefile. Thanks a million.

Unfortunately, it seems that she saved the game more than once, so I was only able to recover my buildings, some items and some of the money. It should be enough to buy some seeds and a couple of animals to get me going, even though I lost a lot of materials too.

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I think I'm going to fix my farm as much as I can tonight and then take a break from the game. Now I want to focus on my girlfriend, we spoke today and she said she was sorry again and that she wanted us to cool off and talk on Sunday, which is her day off.

cutest-little-gamer - NTA. But now a line has been crossed because her first reaction to getting frustrated is to intentionally hurt you, the fact that now you don’t wanna even play the game anymore is a clear sign she accomplished just that.

I hate the “break up with them” trope that pops up on here and r/relationship-advice but seriously… what’s gonna stop her from doing it again? That trust is gone, she screwed up, and even her apology sounds insincere because her next words of wanting to play SV with you again and acting like nothing happened instead of giving you space.

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What’s gonna stop her with messing with any of the other games you play when there’s an argument? Relationships are built on trust and respect and the fact that she wanted to make you hurt is a clear sign of lack of respect because she doesn’t see you equally, at least that’s the feeling I get because you mentioned she’s done petty things before in your comments.

It reminds me of the story of the guy who deleted his GF’s entire island in Animal Crossing because she “spent too much time on it” instead of talking to her like a normal adult. The choice is only yours but just be warned that something similar may happen again. Otherwise yeah totally NTA and as a fellow SV Farmer may your crops prosper if you decide to play again!

These Reddit opinions are as heated as a furnace crafting ore, but do they capture the full stakes? Trust issues in relationships are layered, and quick takes might miss the nuance.

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This Stardew Valley sabotage shows how fast jealousy can turn fun into fury. The boyfriend’s anger is justified, but the girlfriend’s remorse offers a chance to mend—if trust can be rebuilt. Honest talks about boundaries and emotions could replant their connection. How would you handle a partner destroying something you worked hard on? Share your stories and advice below!

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