AITA for getting mad at my fiancée for lying about her allergy?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture this: a cozy dinner at home, the aroma of spicy Indian biryani wafting through the air, and a loving fiancé diligently keeping peanuts at bay to protect his partner. For years, he’s scrubbed every dish, banned peanuts from the house, and savored his favorite snacks in secret—all for her safety. Then, in one jaw-dropping moment, the spoon flies from her hand as he realizes the truth: there’s no allergy, just a distaste for peanuts!

The sting of betrayal hits hard—his careful efforts feel wasted, and trust wobbles like a rickety table. She shrugs it off, but he’s left reeling, wondering what else might be a fib. Readers, can you feel the tension simmering? How would you handle this spicy twist of deception in a dish of love?

‘AITA for getting mad at my fiancée for lying about her allergy?’

Throughout our time together, my SO told me that she was allergic to peanuts. I made sure that all of our dishes didn’t contain peanuts, and that I would only eat them outside of the house. Yesterday, her lie got found out. My parents gave me some Indian food, they’re Indians, I was going to label that the Biryani had peanuts, but I guess I had a brain fart.

She began to eat it. I knew something was wrong when I saw her eating it, when I suddenly realized what happened. I literally tossed her spoon from her hand. I told her that the Biryani has peanuts in it. She just goes “Oh, I’m not allergic to peanuts; I just hate the taste of it”. I was really mad; she was lying about such an important thing.

I’ve been unnecessarily taking extra precautions so she doesn’t even breathe in peanut particles. She’s calling me an a**hole for being mad at her. She lied throughout our entire relationship. I don’t know what other things she has lied about. Is her name really Rebecca? Is she really a woman?. But seriously, AITA?

Discovering a partner’s lie, even a small one, can shake the foundations of a relationship. “Letting your partner meet your family can feel like a monumental step in a relationship, but trust is the true cornerstone,” says Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert. In his decades of research, Gottman emphasizes honesty as vital for lasting bonds (source: The Gottman Institute).

Our Reddit poster faced a tricky situation: he adjusted his life—skipping peanut-laden treats, double-checking recipes—believing his fiancée’s health was at stake. Her casual reveal? She just hated peanuts. On one hand, her fib might stem from dodging pushy “just try it” pleas, a common annoyance. On the other, letting him toil under a false pretense stings, hinting at deeper communication gaps.

This taps into a broader issue: trust and transparency in couples. Studies show 80% of people admit to small lies to avoid conflict, per a 2019 Psychology Today report (source: Psychology Today). Yet, unchecked “white lies” can erode faith. Dr. Gottman notes, “Trust is built in very small moments”—like being upfront about a dislike instead of faking a medical issue.

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For our couple, a fix starts with a candid chat. Why did she lie? Did he overreact? Experts suggest active listening—each sharing feelings without blame—and setting clear honesty expectations. If trust wavers, couples counseling can help rebuild, offering tools to navigate quirks and quirks-turned-lies.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous! One user quips, “She’s nutty for faking it, but questioning her name? Wild leap, dude!” Another chimes in, ready to roast both sides. Check out the buzz below:

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UnsightlyFuzz − NTA. I would be annoyed too. So, I take it you guys are not still engaged?

livelaughandpizza − NTA. Sure, peanuts is silly to lie about but the concept of whatever else she lied about is important. If you ask me, it tells me a lot about her state of mind and maturity. And also your precautions or sacrificing eating your favorite meals/snacks would make me personally very petty.

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Mizar1 − Info: Has she told you why she felt she had to lie to you rather than just say she didn't like the taste? Surely after telling her how much you had to do to keep a sterile environment she'd understand why you'd be annoyed.

Mahliki − NTA - I can kind of understand the initial lie, because a lot of the time when you say you don't like an ingredient people try to convince you that you'll love it the way they use it. But even if it seemed like a small lie to her, it's something she should have explained as your relationship became more serious. Also, you went to great lengths to accommodate what you believed to be her allergy and she shouldn't have let that continue.

Koda5111 − This is going to be against what most people think, and probably get me downvoted, but whatever. I understand why she’d lie about it. I hate mushrooms. Can’t stand the taste, the texture, any of it. But whenever I tell people I won’t eat them, everyone seems to take it as a personal challenge to sneak me mushrooms, or hide them in my food, or just go after me saying ‘if you tried them you’d like them!’

Or asking me exactly WHY I hate them. I’ve given up. I just tell people I’m allergic to them and get the runs if I eat them. It’s a lie, but it’s a lie that’s come about from being tired of assholes not accepting ‘I don’t like them’, and if people have it added to a dish I can pick it out without them having to make a whole new dish.

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NAH. She likely has a reason for lying about it, and didn’t start off by just outright lying. She should have been honest with you much sooner, yes, because you put in so much extra work to not include peanuts, but I gotta ask... would you have cared to keep them away if you knew she just hated them?

Leigho7 − INFO did she say she was highly allergic to peanuts and that she needed these precautions or did she just say she was allergic and you assumed that breathing in a peanut would kill her? I say this because I know it can be frustrating to tell people you don’t like something and they keep asking you to try it easier to say allergic. Is it possible she just said it off hand and never meant for you to change your behavior so much?

avast2006 − NTA - people like her are why people don’t believe the folks who swell up and die when they are exposed to even the smell of their allergen. Plus you could have enjoyed peanut dishes yourself for years.

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It would have been more than sufficient for her to order her own food without peanuts. She’s a liar, and she doesn’t care that her lie had a real effect on you. That she dares to call you the a**hole in this situation shows how selfish and inconsiderate she is.

SilverQuill828 − INFO: When she said she was allergic, did she say that she would go into anaphylactic shock and that her allergy was so severe that you’d have to keep them completely out of the house? Or did she say she was allergic and you assumed these things? Still NTA. That far into the relationship she should have told you but this would determine the severity of her lie.

WaddlesJP13 − NTA. You might need to talk to her about this. If she were to lie about some small thing, whatever, but to lie about an allergy and lie constantly throughout a relationship? She's crazy.

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the-user-name_ − Wtf man. 'Is she really a woman?' That's such an absurd question to ask. Like wat the actual hell kind of leap in logic is that. Like ok I get you dont like what she did and it sucks but ppl have lied about allergies so they dont get questioned when they despise a certain food. That's such a minor lie to then assume she lied about s**t like her name.

It sucks she didnt tell you before but still again such a minor lie. Honestly I'm not going to make a judgement here because I honestly think you both suck but not quite enough for me to call you bith assholes.. She sucks for keeping the lie for so long to a significant other and you suck for questioning if you even have the right name like wtf.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe she dodged a peanut-pushing crowd, or maybe he’s right to feel duped—grab your popcorn and weigh in!

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What a whirlwind: a fiancée’s peanut ploy unravels, leaving a devoted partner stunned and trust on the table. Was he fair to fume, or did he leap too far into doubt? She sidestepped a taste debate, but at what cost to their bond? This tale serves up a hearty mix of humor, heart, and hard questions. Readers, it’s your turn—dish out your thoughts! What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your takes, feelings, or spicy stories in the comments below!

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