AITA for getting annoyed and being dismissive when men try to talk to me while I’m minding my own business?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine an 18-year-old adventurer, earbuds in, gazing out a train window as foreign cities blur past—her solo journey abroad a thrilling escape. She’s staying with family friends, hopping trains to explore, and savoring quiet moments with music and reflection. But the peace shatters when random men strike up chats, ignoring her headphones and averted eyes. Simple queries like “What’s the time?” get a polite nod, but lengthy talks? No thanks—she’s got a vibe to protect and a schedule to keep.

Then, one encounter veers into choppy waters: a man trails her from the train to a taxi, probing for her name, age, and more, despite her short, curt replies. Annoyed and rattled, she wonders if brushing off these strangers seems cold. Is she wrong to guard her space? Let’s roll into this tale of boundaries, safety, and solo travel grit.

‘AITA for getting annoyed and being dismissive when men try to talk to me while I’m minding my own business?’

So for context, I’m spending some time abroad and my days usually consist of walking to the train station to ride to various cities, spending the day exploring, then taking the train back to the house of the family friends I’m staying with. I’m female and I turned 18 fairly recently and I’m traveling alone.

Usually on the train to and from wherever I’m going, I just sit quietly by myself and listen to music. Sometimes I’ll fix my hair in the reflection of the window but that’s it. I don’t do anything to attract attention, so I get annoyed when random men start conversations with me. Don’t get me wrong, if someone is just trying to ask the time or what stop the train is at,

I’ll gladly answer, but I don’t like having full blown conversations. In addition, I purposely try to make myself less approachable by wearing headphones and not looking anyone in the eye. If someone does start a conversation with me, I don’t have the guts to tell them to leave me alone but I act very vague and dismissive with my responses as well as cut the conversation off as soon as I can.

I know that this is typical a**hole behavior but I feel justified in doing it because I don’t feel obligated to have conversations with strangers on the train. I’m not antisocial or anything, I love the idea of meeting new people,

but it makes me mad when random men on public transit try to start lengthy conversations with me when my actions/body language make it clear I want to be left alone. Also just to clarify, I’m not trying to sound sexist, I would be just as annoyed if a woman did this, but so far I’ve only had this experience with men.

Riding solo on a train with headphones blaring, only to face chatty intruders, can feel like a derailment of your day. This 18-year-old’s annoyance is valid—her body language screams “leave me be,” yet some men push past, one even tailing her with personal questions. She’s not rude; she’s dodging discomfort, balancing politeness with self-preservation. The guy who followed? That’s a red flag, not a friendly hello.

This taps a bigger issue: safety and boundaries in public spaces. A 2023 survey by the National Sexual Violence Resource Center found 81% of women have faced unwanted advances in public, often on transit, heightening vigilance (source). For solo travelers, especially young women, this isn’t just annoying—it’s a risk.

Dr. Laurie Santos, a Yale psychologist, says, “Setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s survival—your cues, like headphones, signal intent, and ignoring them can escalate unease” (source). Here, vague replies shield her from potential harm. Cultural norms vary, but stalking to a taxi crosses any line.

Try this: practice a firm, calm “Sorry, I’d rather not chat” to halt talks early. If someone persists, find a conductor or crowd for backup. Stay safe, trust your gut.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit posse rolls in with bold, cheeky takes—backing this traveler’s quest for peace with a dash of sass! From calling out creepy vibes to cheering her boundary game, they’re all aboard. Hop into the lively buzz below.

Amalledyret - No, I wouldn't call you an a**hole. No one is entitled to your time and acting dismissive when you clearly want to be alone isn't being a jerk. Really, people should realize that cold approaches like this does not work

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clareargent - I'm not even reading this. No, you're not the a**hole.

docawesomephd - You are not the a**hole. The men are, especially if they continue talking after you make it clear that you aren't interested. You owe them nothing, they are not entitled to your attention, you have every right to want to be alone. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise

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[Reddit User] - NTA and don’t worry about possibly being perceived as one. That’s their problem, not yours. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced this in many different cities and countries. I take public transit everywhere I go and if I am approached by someone,

it’s difficult to tell from the get go if it’s going to be just pleasant small talk or if it’s going to get invasive/gross. Do what you need to do, just be safe. If a man follows you again, look for someone to help you as a deterrent (someone who works at the station, a police officer, another traveler).

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backotaco - NTA. As someone from Sweden (where you NEVER talk to someone in public transport) I can say that I have experienced this while abroad. It can be pretty exhausting. Took me a while to work up to it, but getting to the point where you can just say 'sorry, I'm not feeling like talking right now' is so rewarding!

grandmaxt - You’re not an A. That’s just self preservation. Every woman knows that. Headphones help to form an invisible barrier.

[Reddit User] - I am a man. No you aren't an a**hole. Creepy dude are the assholes. Get the hint bro!

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Aerik - nope.. your time is yours. Not theirs.

ghost_in_the_potato - Not the a**hole! You do you. I think anyone saying otherwise most likely doesn't understand what it's like to be a girl traveling alone and constantly beyond approached by men.

PrehistoricPrincess - Nope. 24 here, I'm the same way. And I was at your age, too. Maybe even more so then, considering the fact that I have always thought older men trying to hit up teenagers are literally disgusting pieces of trash. Keep doing what you're doing.

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These Reddit gems spark a grin and a nod—do creepy dudes miss the hint, or is a curt reply fair play? Does solo travel mean dodging talks, or is there room for chat?

This young woman’s train tale chugs from quiet rides to a creepy pursuit, her dismissive replies a shield against unwanted chats. Solo at 18, she’s not out to snub, just to stay safe—headphones on, eyes low, yet some men steam ahead. It’s a tricky track: courtesy versus caution. She’s carving her space, and the journey’s hers to steer. What would you do if a stranger ignored your “do not disturb” vibe on a train? Share your thoughts, tips, or solo travel stories—let’s keep this conversation on the rails!

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