AITA for getting angry at my wife for drinking while pregnant?

Picture a quiet evening at home, shattered by the sight of an almost-empty wine bottle and a pregnant wife who swore she’d abstain. For a Reddit user, this wasn’t just a broken promise—it was a gut-punch after years of infertility and two miscarriages. Both women agreed to sacrifice for their unborn child: one quit smoking, the other alcohol. But finding her wife drinking alone, dismissing their pact as “stupid,” sparked a tearful confrontation, harsh words, and a rift now widened by family meddling.

This story pours out raw emotions of trust, sacrifice, and the stakes of pregnancy. Was the user’s anger justified, or did they overstep by questioning her wife’s readiness to parent? Reddit’s serving up strong opinions—let’s uncork this bottle of relationship drama.

‘AITA for getting angry at my wife for drinking while pregnant?’

My wife and I (both women) are in our 30s and expecting our first child. I was supposed to carry it, but we gave up after two miscarriages and chose to go with her. She's now in her second trimester. My wife loves wine and it's never been a problem for me, as she never truly gets drunk and doesn't drink too frequently.

We're aware that she could still drink a couple of glasses a day, but, given our history with infertility, we both sat down and agreed that she would give up drinking for forty weeks and I would give up smoking (I'd stopped while trying to conceive, but picked it up again later because of the stress).

I haven't touched a single cigarette since the day I learned she was pregnant and it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done. Last night, I came home later than usual and found her drinking with a friend. They were sharing a bottle of wine, which was almost empty.

I was shocked, but didn't say anything, assuming she'd just had a glass. I then said hi to the friend, asked them what they'd been up to and soon found out that the friend hadn't touched a single drop of alcohol and my wife had drunk the bottle all by herself.

I'm not proud of it, but I lost it. I asked the friend if I could speak to my wife in private (friend left in that moment, as it was late anyway) and I started crying as soon as I was alone with her. I asked her how she could be so selfish, endangering our child's life like that, telling her I was terrified of losing this kid too

She told me she was technically allowed to drink and that the pact we made was stupid, as pregnant women can still drink every once in a while, and that I was trying to control her. I then told her (which is the thing I regret the most) that I still hadn't lit a single cigarette despite craving one every single day and if she weren't willing to give up alcohol, then maybe she wasn't ready to be a mother.

She then started crying and locked herself in our bedroom. I haven't seen her since (we have different working schedules) and she won't respond to my texts, but her mother called me two times, telling me I should apologize to her. I (though with other words) basically told her to go f**k herself and if her daughter wants to have a serious conversation about this, she knows where to find me.. AITA?

This wine-soaked clash exposes the fragile trust in a relationship tested by pregnancy and past loss. The user’s anger stems from their wife’s breach of their mutual pact, made to protect their baby after two miscarriages. Drinking an entire bottle of wine in one sitting, especially in the second trimester, raises valid concerns about fetal health. A 2023 CDC report warns that no amount of alcohol is proven safe during pregnancy, with binge drinking linked to fetal alcohol spectrum disorders, which can cause lifelong developmental issues.

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Dr. Susan Forward, a relationship therapist, notes in a Psychology Today article, “Broken agreements erode trust, especially when one partner dismisses the other’s fears.” The wife’s claim that she’s “technically allowed” to drink ignores the pact’s emotional weight, while her defensiveness suggests deeper issues, possibly stress or denial. The user’s harsh words about motherhood, though regrettable, reflect their fear and frustration, amplified by their own sacrifice of quitting smoking.

To mend this, the couple needs a calm, honest talk about why the wife drank and how to rebuild trust. Couples counseling, as offered by resources like BetterHelp, can guide them through pregnancy stress and past trauma. The user should apologize for their harsh comment but reaffirm the pact’s importance. Consulting an OB-GYN to discuss the incident’s risks can clarify next steps, ensuring the baby’s safety remains first.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew poured in like a full-bodied debate, backing the user’s outrage while tossing shade at the wife’s risky choice. Their takes are as bold as a vintage red, urging accountability and raising alarms about the baby’s health. Here’s the heady scoop:

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juliuspepperwoodchi − NTA. Holy s**t that is dangerous for your fetus. Also, what friend just goes along with a pregnant woman drinking a BOTTLE OF WINE BY HERSELF in one sitting? Sure, a SINGLE glass of wine, ~~even one a day,~~*edit: seems like that's not true.

That said, no one should be taking medical/pregnancy advice from reddit comments end edit* on a rare occasion isn't likely to harm your fetus; but drinking a whole bottle is ridiculous and dangerous...on top of the fact that you both made an agreement which you held up and she decided to ignore..

You have every right to be livid.. She told me she was technically allowed to drink and that the pact we made was stupid, 1. No, she isn't 'technically allowed'. She can have a glass, ~~MAYBE two,~~ every few ~~days~~ weeks, more like months, without any real chance of issues for the pregnancy

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An entire bottle of wine doesn't fit into that technicality. 2. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE THINKS THE PACT WAS STUPID, SHE AGREED TO IT. Many people think monogamy is stupid, but if you agree to it, you don't just get to disregard it when it is convenient for you.

em_abdo − NTA.. And no its not ok to have TWO glasses of wine a day while pregnant.

tidderor − NTA. A whole bottle of wine while pregnant? That's very concerning. When I was pregnant my OB was very candid with me, and said it was OK to have an occasional glass of wine or champagne for a special occasion.

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The reason most docs say not to drink at all, he told me, is that if you tell some people they can have one glass 'they'll go ahead and drink the whole bottle.' Which is exactly what she did. And the fact that you had a pact makes it that much worse.

If she believed the pact was overly restrictive, she could have approached you about modifying it, perhaps to permit a glass on a social occasion. But instead she just went ahead and broke her promise. This should cause you to have some real questions about not only her willingness to place your child's health above her own desires,

but about her overall trustworthiness in general. Hopefully this was a one-time thing and won't hurt the baby if not repeated. But if I were in your shoes, I'd be worried that this isn't the only time, just the only time you know about.

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lightwoodorchestra − NTA. This is a huge, huge problem. A whole bottle of wine?? Tbh, this sounds to be like your wife is an a**oholic and she's probably been hiding her drinking from you the whole time. This is not normal behavior for a pregnant woman.

If you have not already, you need to sit down with her with the facts about fetal alcohol syndrome. It is permanent brain damage. I'm a foster parent for substance exposed infants and I have learned that alcohol is by FAR the most dangerous substance a baby can be exposed to in utero. Literally, she would be much better off doing meth or heroin. You have a very serious problem here.

AcingSpades − NTA. Fetal alcohol syndrome is very real. She shouldn't be drinking at all, ideally.

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NumaNumaYayy − Oh man this sounds so rough, I’m so sorry. Totally, totally NTA. I can’t imagine having drunk more than a couple of sips of alcohol while I was pregnant (a friend’s wedding and my baby shower- half a glass of champagne max).

The technicalities in the guidance are *so* unhelpful but ultimately, it’s your baby in there. Why take the risk? All the evidence tells us that every increase in alcohol intake has a correspondingly increased rate of risk to the viability of a pregnancy.

Fetal alcohol syndrome is real and awful, and she needs to understand that it’s a lifelong disability she could be inflicting on her child simply because she fancied some wine. It must be really hard for you both, having experienced miscarriage before. You made that pact together for a reason, in good faith, and you stuck to your side of it.

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Of course you’re NTA for getting upset and expressing your feelings, but calling into question her readiness for motherhood was a little harsh. Given why you were upset though, I don’t think she has any right to be more pissed at you by than you are at her.

It would be interesting to know exactly *why* she’s finding it so hard not to drink, though.... It’s not exactly a high-stakes situation with a mate at home, how’s she going to hold up at functions, events or social stuff?

likewhatevertho − NTA. There’s a reason pregnant mothers aren’t supposed to drink, and it’s called fetal alcohol syndrome. That’s pretty common knowledge. You may regret the comment about her not being ready to be a mother, but in some ways, it’s true.

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That’s probably why it got such a strong reaction from her - she probably understands deep-down how irresponsible her actions are. And you’re not wrong - part of being a parent is putting your child’s needs above your own. She’s not doing that now.

Hopefully it’s because she’s thinking of the child in the abstract and once they’re in the world, she’ll be ready to respect the baby’s needs. But the baby already has needs even now, and she’s not taking care of those when she drinks a bottle of wine while pregnant.

MaoMaoDumpling − NTA - jeesuz christ, you guys had TWO miscarriages and she's still willing to risk harming your guys unborn child with drinking?! Your wife lied and broke your trust. This is self destructive and dangerous behavior.

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She drank an entire BOTTLE of wine and her friend just sat there okay with it?! You're right, she's not ready to be a mother. Being a parent requires a lot of sacrifices, and she can't even make it a few months giving up drinking.

Can you imagine the resentment you'll likely feel if she loses the baby or it was hurt from her drinking? Can she deal with the guilt if that happens? She needs help coping with the stress of pregnancy and you both need some couples counseling to get through this.

MsBaseball34 − NTA - a glass of wine once in a while is fine ... a whole freaking bottle??? That's ridiculous. Especially considering the pact you two made - she let you and your child down.

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dorofeho − NTA fetal alcohol syndrome is a real thing and drinking just isn't worth the risk. I genuinely find this obsession with drinking alcohol at home most nights of the week to be sad and depressing.. I don't get it.

Reddit’s “NTA” verdict toasts the user’s stance, slamming the wife’s drinking as reckless and the pact-breaking as a betrayal. Some suspect underlying issues like alcohol dependency, others stress fetal alcohol risks. Do these robust opinions capture the full bouquet, or are they just fermenting drama? This pregnancy clash has everyone swirling about trust and responsibility.

This story spills the pain of a broken promise when the stakes couldn’t be higher. The user’s anger wasn’t just about wine—it was about fear, loss, and a shared dream at risk. The wife’s drinking, paired with dismissing their pact, cracked their trust, but healing starts with empathy and honesty. Pregnancy demands sacrifices, and both partners deserve respect for theirs. Have you faced a partner breaking a big promise? How would you rebuild trust after a betrayal like this? Share your thoughts—let’s sip on this sobering mix of love and limits.

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