AITA for getting a hotel room?

The glow of Christmas lights can’t mask the discomfort of a 6’3” man crammed onto a creaky, 20-year-old twin mattress in his partner’s parents’ basement. After a painful night that left his injured back screaming and his leg numb, he and his partner booked a hotel room to prioritize his health. But her mother’s traditional stance against unmarried couples sharing a bed turned their practical choice into a family showdown, complete with tears and sulking.

This tale of clashing values and physical necessity pulls readers into a holiday drama many can relate to. Balancing respect for family traditions with personal well-being is no easy feat, especially when passive-aggressive silences linger. Is this couple justified in seeking comfort, or did they cross a line with their hotel escape?

‘AITA for getting a hotel room?’

My partner (30F) and I (30M) flew half way across the country to visit her family for Christmas. I sustained a serious back injury at work at the end of September and have just recently started gaining mobility again after many painful months. They were aware of my injury and we even expressed our concerns about traveling because of it.

Her parents are very traditional and refuse to allow unmarried couples to sleep in the same bed or room, even though they know we live together and have visited our house in the past. Because of this I was forced to sleep in the basement bedroom on a twin mattress that was at least 20 years old. I should also mention that I am 6'3' and do not fit on a twin mattress at all.

The first night was so incredibly painful and caused my entire right leg to go numb and I essentially got no sleep. We decided to get a hotel room after that so that I could actually sleep on a decent mattress that didn't make my injury worse.

When I explained this to my partners mother she insisted that I just needed to adjust the mattress in the basement and that I was being ridiculous. I was firm but polite about it and she seemed to be fine with it after that.

Well, when it came time to head over to the hotel for the night she freaked out. She apparently didn't know my partner was also staying at the hotel. She told my partner that she 'Didn't raise her like this' and then just sulked in the living room while we packed our bags. Apparently after we left she spent the rest of the night crying. All I wanted to do was sleep in a bed that I could actually fit on and didn't cause active nerve pain in my leg. So AITA here?

Update: Thanks for the kind wishes everyone. We went back over her parents this morning and her mom wouldn't really speak to either of us and was being incredibly passive aggressive. We went ahead and left for the airport to catch a flight home. We're enjoying some much needed rest at the airport and are looking forward to getting back home.

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Choosing health over outdated family rules shouldn’t spark a holiday meltdown, but for this couple, it did. The man’s decision to book a hotel room after a night on an unsuitable mattress was driven by a serious back injury, yet his partner’s mother took it as a personal affront. Her insistence on separate beds for an unmarried couple, despite knowing they live together, highlights a clash between tradition and practicality.

Dr. John Duffy, a family therapist, notes, “Respecting family values is important, but so is prioritizing physical and emotional well-being” (Dr. John Duffy’s website). Chronic back pain affects 20% of adults annually, and poor sleep can exacerbate injuries, per the National Institute of Health (NIH). The mother’s tears and passive-aggressive behavior suggest a struggle to relinquish control, a common issue in traditional households. The couple’s choice to prioritize health was reasonable, though better communication might have softened the blow.

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Advice: The couple should calmly explain the medical necessity to the mother, emphasizing respect for her home while asserting their needs. Future visits could involve setting clearer expectations upfront, like agreeing on suitable accommodations.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew rolled in like holiday guests with strong opinions, serving up support and a dash of shade for this couple’s hotel saga. It’s like a family dinner where everyone’s got a take. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

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eaca02124 − NTA. You and your partner made sensible decisions. Your partner's mom is being overemotional and ridiculous.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Not only is the idea of unmarried couples sleeping separately completely outdated, but they know you’re already doing so in your own home. (Unless they assume one of you sleeps on the couch) and you have medical needs that aren’t being attended to in their home.

You’re respecting their wish that unmarried couples not sleep together in their home. Her parents seem to have the ability to wish away the situation by simply ignoring it (if you don’t see it, it doesn’t exist). That’s their problem. Shrug it off and move on

probably-maybe-idk − NTA Your priority is to take care of yourself and your health. If you can please everyone else, that's great. If not, then it's their problem. You aren't asking for anything unreasonable. They are entitled to their views just you are entitled to yours, but it isn't your responsibility to keep them happy.. I wish you all the best for the remainder of your trip :)

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BBMcBeadle − NTA. Why didn't your partner just switch beds with you? Knowing you had this injury, why in the world did she make you sleep down there at all?

EveningJellyfish1 − NTA. You and your partner are 30, her parents need to remove their heads from the ass of 1950 and get a grip on reality. You *live together*, you have shared a bed.

janewilson90 − NTA If they won't give you the basic necessity of a bed you can actually fit on, why should you stay there?. Let her sulk, this is the concequence of her decision.

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dreamingzombie − NTA 1. They know you two live together. They're just deluding themselves and trying to hide from their own unreasonable discomfort. 2. Even if you did not sleep together and you did not have an injury, putting you a guest on the basement bedroom on an old mattress says a lot about their hospitality.

3. Your partner is a 30yo adult she can decide for herself. If she wants to stay with her partner on a hotel it's on her. Her mom's a control freak. (Though that behaviour is not uncommon among conservatives.)

CoffeeNotBombs − NTA, but if those were my future in-laws, I'm not sure how much I'd want to do with her family...

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loginorregister9 − NTA. At all. Just because someone else is upset doesn't mean you did anything wrong. A good host make sure their guests are taken care of. they don't shove you down in the basement on some stank ass old matress and expect you to feel welcome.

ohsogreen − NTA They are very poor hosts to have such an uncomfortable bed for a guest. If she knows you live together, does she spend every night crying because you're sleeping in the same bed in your own home? Or does she only cry when you sleep together in her city?

'My house, my rules' goes a long way with me so I'll buy the separate rooms under their roof but to sob all night because you're doing something that you do every night anyway is just silly. I shut down my holier-than-thou and not terribly bright FSIL who chided me for sharing a hotel room with my soon to be husband-that it was a sin. I asked her if sleeping on the same mattress was a sin and she said no, it was having s**.

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At which point I asked her how she knew we were having s**? That wasn't it possible we were just sleeping with no carnal relations going on? And that her assumption that something was going on had more to do with her dirty mind than anything and perhaps she should reflect on why she assumed the worst and attributed a sin to us where there was no evidence that one existed.. <

Redditors backed the couple’s practical choice, slamming the in-laws’ poor hospitality and outdated rules. Some called the mother’s reaction controlling, while others questioned the partner’s role in the sleeping arrangement. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just stirring the holiday pot?

This couple’s hotel escape wasn’t just about a bad mattress—it was a stand for health and autonomy against rigid family expectations. The mother’s tears and silent treatment reflect her struggle to adapt, but the couple’s early departure shows their resolve to prioritize well-being. As they head home for much-needed rest, the path to family harmony remains open with better communication. Have you ever had to choose between family traditions and personal comfort? What would you do in this couple’s shoes? Share your stories below!

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