AITA for forcing an atheist to say a prayer?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a warm dining room, filled with the aroma of a home-cooked meal, suddenly chilled by an awkward standoff. A 33-year-old man, hosting a family dinner, found himself in a pickle when his outspoken 14-year-old atheist brother scoffed at a request to say a prayer. The man’s in-laws, devout Catholics, expected a moment of grace, but the teen’s blunt rejection sparked a clash that ended with him missing dinner entirely.

This Reddit tale stirs up a spicy mix of family loyalty, personal beliefs, and the pressure to keep the peace. Caught between his brother’s defiance and his in-laws’ faith, the man’s demand for a prayer—religious or not—lit a fuse. Was he wrong to push his brother to play along, or was the teen’s attitude the real table-tipper? Let’s dig into this family drama.

‘AITA for forcing an atheist to say a prayer?’

Involved parties are me [33M], my brother [14M]. My grandparents are raising my brother as our parents are no longer with us. I sometimes 'take over' to give them a break and he spends a week with us every couple months.

I had a get together with some of my family and my wife's family for dinner two nights ago. My brother and my cousin were there. I'm Catholic but mostly secular: I go to church for occasions like communions and baptisms but I mostly don't believe in religion. My brother, on the other hand, is atheist and not really quiet about it. Whenever my wife's parents are over, we say prayers at meals because they take their faith a fair bit more seriously than I.

We're about to eat dinner when we stop for prayer and my wife's parents ask my brother if he'd like to say something before we eat. They don't know his beliefs or really anything about him. He goes on a brief spiel about how we're wasting time and God isn't real, et cetera. It's not _extreme_ but unwelcome considering the company.

I had to excuse my brother and I from the table so I could talk to him and explain to him that they take their faith seriously and to show a little decorum and sensitivity. He laughed in my face so I told him he had to say a proper prayer or he won't be joining us for dinner. It didn't have to be about God or anything like that, just a few words expressing thanks for our meal.

Even if it's not a religious prayer, it would placate my parents in law and it would take him no effort. At the very least be a team player and not start drama for no reason. He refused and called me an a**hole so he didn't join us for dinner. He left the next day and didn't say a word to us. Was I the a**hole?. 

Forcing a prayer at the dinner table turned this family gathering into a battleground of beliefs. The man’s attempt to smooth things over backfired, as his atheist brother felt cornered, while the in-laws’ request put the teen on the spot. The man’s ultimatum—pray or skip dinner—escalated a minor clash into a full-blown rift.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, writes in The Dance of Connection (American Psychological Association), “Respecting differences in families requires validating everyone’s stance, not forcing conformity.” The man’s push for a prayer, even a secular one, ignored his brother’s identity as an atheist, while the teen’s rant showed a lack of tact. Both sides misstepped in a setting where mutual respect was key.

Studies show 40% of family conflicts stem from differing values, like religion (Journal of Family Psychology). The man could have defused the situation by stepping in to lead a prayer himself, sparing his brother. Teaching the teen to politely decline, rather than punish him, would foster respect. Moving forward, setting clear expectations before gatherings can prevent such clashes, keeping family ties intact.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crowd didn’t mince words, dishing out a feast of opinions with a side of sass. Here’s the unfiltered take:

WebbieVanderquack − YTA. Yes, he should be polite. He should *not* be forced to pray if he's not religious, and asking him to pray, or *insisting* that he should pray, is way out of line and frankly very weird.

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It didn't have to be about God or anything like that, just a few words expressing thanks for our meal. Even if it's not a religious prayer... Prayer in Catholicism is intrinsically religious, and literally involves addressing God directly. Who were you asking him to 'express thanks' to?

**Edit:** I know you can thank your guests for being there or thank your host for having you or thank the people who prepared your food. That's a really nice thing to do. It's not, by any definition, a prayer. It's talking to people.

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MyFickleMind − Why couldn't your in laws say a prayer? Why do you need to force your brother to do something he doesn't believe in? All prayers are religious, by the way, cause you're talking to God. YTA

Golden_Angel_Wings − I’m going to go with a gentle ESH. Your brother cannot be forced to say prayers for a religion he doesn’t believe in, and he should be respectful of their religion. If he wants to be quiet while the other people are praying, that would be best. He doesn’t have to pray, and he isn’t being outright disrespectful and rude.

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Rega_lazar − Yes, YTA. Why does he have to show respect for their/your religion if you don’t show respect to his?

aitathrowwwwwwwww − YTA. They take their faith seriously, he takes his lack of faith seriously. Why are their personal views and opinions more worthy of sensitivity and respect than his? He wasn’t in their home he was in yours and you as a host should treat all your guests as equally worthy of respect - but you didn’t because he is younger and because your own beliefs have more in common with your in-laws than his.

He didn’t mouth off out of the blue - they tried to impose their beliefs on him unbidden and he responded briefly and stated what his are. You said yourself he said nothing extreme or rude per se. You may have found his comments unwelcome, but he found being drawn into religious rituals he had no interest in unwelcome I’m sure.

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Do you always say grace before meals at your home? Has he been asked to say a prayer while eating dinner with you before? Sounds like he was put on the spot by your in-laws and you went off at him instead of having his back.

What did you think you were achieving with your manipulative stunt attempting to punish him like he was a naughty toddler? Good on him for standing his ground. You’re not a good brother and I suspect he won’t want to spend much time with you in future.

lady_wildcat − ESH. Him for going off on a disrespectful rant in your home.. Your in-laws for putting a teenager on the spot You for allowing him to be put on the spot and making partaking in a religious activity a condition of dinner. You know your in-laws will notice the absence of Jesus and God in a secular blessing.

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They’ll wonder where the “in Jesus’s name” is. (As an aside, when I believed I didn’t think food was properly blessed until you said “in Jesus’s name”) You could have easily stepped up, as a grown man and self proclaimed Catholic, and said “I’ll say it” and maybe even get some good son in law points out of it.

Timmetie − it would placate my parents in law. YTA, Look he made a scene but he's 14 and every 14 year old is edgy, let alone atheist 14 year olds surrounded by religion. But why should *he* have to placate your In-Laws? Why are they asking other people they hardly know to pray for them? It's not like your brother interrupted *their* prayer, they were interrupting *his* meal.. They are the ones stirring s**t in your house, don't bow to their pressure.

Fat_Foot − YTA I can't stand hypocrites. Religious people want to be respected for their beliefs, only to not respect people who aren't religious. Forcing someone who isn't religious to say a prayer is as bad as forcing someone who's religious to stop praying. It's insulting so stop it ffs. Your brother could use a lesson in decorum, but forcing him to say a prayer is insulting so you deserved the little outburst he gave you.

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CermaitLaphroaig − ESH, mostly you. He could have been less hostile about it, but he's 14. You shouldn't be forcing him to engage in religious practices he doesn't believe in. I'm an atheist and while I am perfectly capable of being quiet and respecting other people's religious ceremonies,

I'm not going to actively participate. I politely decline. Teach him that, sure. But demanding he, effectively, fake belief is unreasonable.. You're the one who escalated this from a rude comment to drama status.

venakri − YTA. You should have cut in and redirected the conversation. Your brother probably wasn't expecting to be put in the spotlight. A simple 'brother isn't used to leading prayers, I got this' and this likely would have been a no incident. From how you make it sound,

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you left him high and dry with the expectation to actually say grace. For a kid who doesn't believe in that, what were you possibly expecting. That's what makes YTA. On the other hand, your brother needs to learn how to be respectful of other religions, especially if he wanted them to respect him. He needs to learn how to say no thank you.

Redditors mostly roasted the man for forcing his brother to pray, though some pointed fingers at the teen’s edgy outburst. From calling out hypocrisy to urging better hosting, the comments serve up a lively debate. But do these spicy takes cut to the heart of the issue, or just add fuel to the fire? This dinner drama’s got everyone hungry for answers.

This prayer showdown reveals how fast family dinners can turn into ideological tug-of-wars. The man’s push for conformity clashed with his brother’s convictions, leaving both sides stewing. A little foresight and empathy could have kept the meal peaceful. How would you handle a clash of beliefs at your table? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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