AITA for flipping out on my husband via text after he let his phone die during a family emergency?

Step into a nerve-wracking night, where a 34-year-old nurse, alone with her baby, awaits news of her grandmother’s emergency surgery. Her husband, at a college reunion party a state away, lets his phone die, leaving her in the dark. A drunk selfie from a stranger’s number, followed by hours of silence, pushes her to unleash a fiery text storm, accusing him of abandoning her in a crisis.

His claim that he “couldn’t do anything” fuels the fight. Reddit’s buzzing with takes on whether her outburst was justified or an overreaction.

‘AITA for flipping out on my husband via text after he let his phone die during a family emergency?’

So I (34F) and my husband (35M) had a plan this weekend that he would be the next state over for a college reunion while I stayed home with our 1 year old baby. All is fine and well until yesterday right before he was leaving for the party that was at a bar and I got an unexpected call from my parents who also live out of state.

ADVERTISEMENT

I am a nurse so they were asking what they should do with my grandma who called them stating that she couldn't feel her foot and that she was in excruciating pain. I told them to take her to the ER immediately and they said she couldn't walk so I told them to call an ambulance.

I called my husband right after and the last update that I gave him before his party was that they were transferring her to another hospital for emergency surgery for a life threatening condition. I was waiting anxiously at home when the surgery was taking way longer than expected (>3 hours).

My husband hadn't checked in at all. I got a text from a number that I didn't know that was a drunk selfie of some guy and my husband, with zero context. I texted my husband and said that I was worried sick about my grandma and didn't appreciate getting texted drunk selfies from random people.

Heard nothing. After an hour I texted the random number and asked if my husband's phone had died and he said 'Yes 😂'. Here's where I may be TA, I texted back 'Cool, my grandma is still in emergency surgery 😂'. I never got a reply to this. About 4 hours later when my grandma survived and was transferred to the ICU I texted my husband how much he had let me down.

ADVERTISEMENT

This turned into a fight where he believes that he he did no wrong because 'I knew he was looking forward to this party for two months and he couldn't do anything anyway'. I blew up and told him how irresponsible it was for him to get drunk and let his phone die while I was alone with our baby during a family emergency.

He apologized for not 'checking in more' to which I corrected that he didn't check in at all (not even the next morning) and he says that he 'Did his due diligence in making himself reachable' and I said that a random number texting me a drunk selfie does not count as him telling me that his phone was dead and that's how I should reach him.

He said the name of the bar in passing a few times but I couldn't remember the name and I did not know the name of his hotel. He says I'm just overreacting and it's not a big deal because 'it's not like he could do anything from another state' and that he did no wrong, seeing his friends was important to him and a lot of them he hasn't seen in 15 years and that he shouldn't have to disrupt his plans to 'cater to me'.

ADVERTISEMENT

I didn't ask him to take the next flight home just be available or communicate that he wasn't. I told him that I was afraid and he could have at least checked to see if I was okay and that it also isn't okay to let your phone die when someone else has your child even without an emergency. So, AITA for flipping out on him?

ETA that the emergency happened right before the party so he was sober at that time and aware that the situation was touch and go. I called him immediately after I had my parents call 911.

ADVERTISEMENT

Edit 2: He finally gave me a sincere apology and told me the things that he wishes he had done differently and how insensitive his response or lack of was. We had a long, but overall good discussion and hope that something like this doesn't happen again.

Thank you to all the people that offered support! The other update is that my grandma is now out of ICU and on a step down unit, having another surgery tomorrow but is stable for now! 🤞

ADVERTISEMENT

Partnerships thrive on emotional availability, but this woman’s husband fell short when her grandmother faced a life-threatening surgery. Informed of the emergency while sober, his choice to let his phone die at a reunion party, coupled with a tasteless drunk selfie from a stranger, left her feeling abandoned. Her sharp texts, born of fear and frustration while caring for their baby alone, were a natural response to his silence, which extended into the next morning. His defense—claiming he “did his due diligence”—missed the mark of basic support.

A 2024 Journal of Marriage and Family study found 70% of couples cite poor communication during crises as a major strain. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Emotional check-ins, even brief, signal care in tough times.” The husband’s failure to prioritize a quick text or charge his phone dismissed her need for connection, especially given her role as a nurse advising her family remotely.

ADVERTISEMENT

Experts suggest couples set communication expectations for emergencies, like designating a friend’s phone as backup. The wife could have clarified urgency upfront, but his dismissal warranted her reaction. For others, a post-crisis talk, like their eventual discussion, can rebuild trust. The grandmother’s recovery is a relief, but the lesson lingers.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit rallied with fierce support and some spicy takes for this stressed-out wife. Here’s what they poured out:

ADVERTISEMENT

werealldoomed2022 − You guys are heartless, individualistic assholes. They are a family, he is a partner and a father first, the least he should have done is check in as soon as he knew what was happening and apologize for missing communication earlier. This is the minimum expectation for an adult partner with a small child at home.

NTA wishing your grandma a speedy recovery. I can only imagine how alone and scared you must've felt and then the disrespectful drunk selfie on top of that. Your husband should be feeling mortified and needs to properly apologize and show support.

ADVERTISEMENT

taafp9 − Idk why you’re getting so many downvotes. While i can see that he couldn’t have done anything from another state, i can also see that it would have been nice of him to have let you know that his phone was dead and you can text his friend if you need him. Also to not hear from him the next morning is upsetting.

Is it correct that he didn’t know if your grandma was ok or not before he went to bed? That is all not really ok imo. NTA is my final verdict. Your partner should care about you enough to check in, despite not being able to do anything for you. Sometimes “doing something” isn’t what’s needed, but instead being supportive.

ADVERTISEMENT

WelcomeOblivion45 − I don't understand all the ' y t a' my boyfriend just had a life threatening family emergency were in the same state but it was more than hour away from me to help him, but I had my phone on me all day, I charged my smart watch to make sure if he called or needed to reach me I would be there.

When scary things happen you want to know the person you love is willing to drop everything and be there even if not physically, that's why u choose them to be your partner through thick and thin. And he dropped the ball. NTA.

ADVERTISEMENT

Edit: this is the most amount of upvotes I've ever gotten, thank you to all of you! I was kinda expecting to get down voted but I didn't care cuz I stand by what I said emotional support is just as important as physical support.

[Reddit User] − NTA. A supportive partner is someone who checks in regularly during a stressful and scary situation like this. Also, there was the real chance your family would need to be with your grandmother. I honestly can't imagine being able to get hammered and have a great time with old friends when I know my wife is home worried with our 1 year old. To get a drunk selfie is incredibly disrespectful.

tkuzkuz − So confused about all the Y T A votes. If I was in her partners shoes, I would have checked in more with her. And while yes, there is nothing he could have done from that far away, he still could have provided emotional support which she clearly needed.

Also, like why send a drunk selfie, seriously? Like she needed to see that when she’s stressing out about an emergency with her loved one? NTA.. Glad your grandma is doing okay.

ADVERTISEMENT

cadaloz1 − NTA since he was sober when he first heard about the situation. Getting drunk with buddies v. supporting your partner in a family emergency? He's old enough to know better, and he could have used his friend's phone to check in on you, and nobody needs to get incoherent drunk at his age. What a jerk.

kimdeal0 − NTA. I'm concerned about the number of Y T A on this post. It's almost as if they don't have real partners, have never had an emergency, or didn't actually read your post? I don't know. But it's really the bare minimum to ask your partner, the person who is supposed to care for you more than anyone else in your life, to at least have their phone on during an emergency.. he didn't check in at all (not even the next morning)

ADVERTISEMENT

Like this. My partner would be concerned and would definitely have checked in on me and asked for updates. I probably would have first had to convince them not to immediately start driving home. There was a grave chance that your grandmother was going to pass away.

Your partner should want to be there for you if this were to happen. Even if he didn't want to/couldn't drive home, asking him to be available on the phone is the bare minimum.. disrupt his plans to 'cater to me'. This was really s**tty. I would really start to reflect on my relationship if my partner thought that supporting me when a close family member was in danger of passing away was 'catering'.

ADVERTISEMENT

Like wtf. My partner is my best friend. If someone I cared about passed away, I would want to talk to him first and instinctively. And he *wants* to be the one I call and wants to be the one to support me and vice versa.. ETA: typo

LarcSekaya − I want to connect with a no judgment here thought. My grandma was a tent pole in my life and did everything she could for her grandkids. When the health scares started, I had a lot of panic. I had moved to the east coast and my family and grandma were in Arizona.

ADVERTISEMENT

Time and time again, I had to make the active decision between traveling home during COVID or trusting in the resources and health services in Arizona. From the initial issues to her passing, it covered about 18 months. The health care system handled the immediate (like they did with your grandma), and it all turned out okay.

There was a point where I knew it wasn’t going to get better and my husband and I spent a month in Arizona while she was in hospice and until she was finally able to rest in her home for the last time. The timeline was staggering. Everytime, it brought panic to me, but not every time warranted a visceral reaction or trip out there.

ADVERTISEMENT

You are clearly upset because you needed someone to talk to that you loved and trusted, and I’m sorry that he wasn’t there for you because of his trip. I hope you can rest easier knowing that she is okay right now. From the title, he did reach out in his own way, but could have done more.

I’m not going to make excuses for him, but in the morning, could he have still be sleeping from a long night out or didn’t plug in his phone? [An Edit] With how fast phones charge now with their bricks, he could have easily have been like “hey guys, give me 15 minutes or I’ll meet you at the bar” and had enough to carry him through. He made bad decisions towards his availability.

ADVERTISEMENT

Jennaboo28 − Literally stop with all of your “WHaT eXaCTLY WaS He SuPPoSeD To Do?!?1!1!2!?” comments. He is her HUSBAND. The absolute BARE MINIMUM expectation when it comes to being there for someone you love is being emotionally available when they are in the middle of a crisis.

He could have taken LITERAL SECONDS out of his whole trip every hour or so to send a quick text and let her know that he was thinking of her— He doesn’t have to talk her through everything, or let her cry to him, just literally every hour be like “Hey still thinking about you, hope she’s doing okay ❤️”

ADVERTISEMENT

That is the BARE MINIMUM and like I said would barely take away from his trip. All she wanted was some emotional availability and she is absolutely valid to expect that in a partner. He’s not an a**hole for going on the trip— he’s an a**hole for letting his phone die, allowing his friend to act tastelessly when texting his wife (to ‘let her know how to reach him— which… ?!?!? excuse me??

how is a drunken selfie of a stranger with my husband a clear message FROM said husband that I can reach him through this person i do not know?? but whatever), and failing to even check in the following morning. He needed to do better. He needed to be a good husband.. NTA, op.

ADVERTISEMENT

ETA: Wow this kinda blew up. To the one person ‘from the 90s’ arguing with LITERALLY every single person in this thread… Nobody here agrees with you. You’re not going to change our minds, and clearly, we’re not going to change yours. I hope that whoever you marry in the future is prepared to have a partner who is emotionally detached from the relationship and is unreliable in family emergencies if he/she has prior plans!

Lil_miss_know_it_all − NTA been in a similar situation. The first person I called was my husband. I needed comfort, reassurance and just to be heard. I am sorry you did not have that experience. I don’t think it’s to much to ask him to step out of party mode to shoot you a text to check in after learning about your grandma. When you have a family you don’t get to check out to suit your needs. Same with parenting. Sheesh.

ADVERTISEMENT

These takes spark a question: was her text tirade a fair response, or did it escalate needlessly?

This tale of a silent phone and a surgical crisis reveals the sting of a partner’s absence when it matters most. The wife’s fiery texts to her husband, who partied while her grandmother fought for life, laid bare her fear and frustration. His apology came late, but was her outburst justified? How would you react if your partner went radio-silent during a family emergency? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo pulsing!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *