AITA for finally choosing my daughter over my wife?

Picture a cozy family home, where laughter should echo, but instead, a chilling divide festers. A 38-year-old dad found himself at a breaking point when his wife’s jealousy turned their 6-year-old daughter into an outcast. For years, he watched his wife dote on their 8-year-old son while neglecting their little girl, denying her new clothes and family outings. His quiet efforts to balance the scales—secretly buying her toys and clothes—crumbled when his wife threw everything out, demanding he and their daughter leave.

The sting of betrayal cut deep as he realized his wife saw their daughter as a rival. Packing their bags, he chose to protect his little girl, seeking refuge at his parents’ home. Now, as he grapples with what’s next, readers can’t help but wonder: was he wrong to finally put his daughter first, even if it meant leaving his wife?

‘AITA for finally choosing my daughter over my wife?’

I (m38) and my wife (f44) got got married 10 years ago. After 2 years of marriage we had our first son (m8).It was perfect, our first child. He is such an amazing kid. Smart,funny and great at sports. My wife really loves him. They spend a lot of time together, she tales him everywhere with her.

Thay have really soecial bond, well that's what I though. 6 years ago we find out that we got pregnant again. I was really happy when I found out it's a girl. But my wife wasn't. She became cold towards her. She spend all her time with just our son. She started to push me to choose between our kids, there was no way to bring our daughter with us if we went to see a movie.

Or I couldn't take her with me to our sons football game. If I wanted to spend time with my daughter, it couldn't be with my son or my wife around. I didn't understand that at all, why my wife didn't want our daughter around. As she grew up I could see that my wife treats her diffrently.

She never got her new clothes, always just some old stuff. Never took her anywhere with her.I tried to say something but my wife always started to scream that she knows what's best for her and that our daughter was lying. I didn't want to start anything so I always backed up.

So I started to buy new clothes for her, I get her everything her brother had, but we promised each other that my wife won't find out.I know it wasn't the best but I really love my wife and I don't want to lose her.. I don't know why she acts like this.I hate it,it's not the woman I fell in love with. I gave my daughter key to her room so she can lock it.

But last week my wife got in.She found all stuff I got for her(I was at work at that time) and she threw it out. When I came from work I found my stuff packed. My daughter was crying in her room. When I asked her what happend she didn't say anything. I found my wife in the kitchen and we got into argument. She told me to get my stuff, get out of the house and take our daughter with me.

She sad she can see which woman I love more. In that moment I realise what was the problem. My wife was jealous of her own daughter. I couldn't believe it. So I packed all things in the car and left. Now I'm at my parents house and i'm trying figure out what to do. I know I should lefte much earlier. My stupidity just hurt my daughter.

A family torn apart by a mother’s jealousy is a gut-wrenching twist. The original poster (OP) faced an unthinkable reality: his wife’s favoritism toward their son left their daughter emotionally abandoned. By secretly providing for his daughter, the OP tried to shield her, but his wife’s drastic act of throwing out her belongings exposed a deeper issue—jealousy that warped family bonds. His decision to leave was a stand for his daughter’s well-being, though it took years to reach this point.

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This situation reflects a broader issue of parental favoritism, which can scar children for life. A 2021 study in Child Development found that 65% of children in families with perceived favoritism report lower self-esteem and trust issues. The wife’s exclusion of her daughter likely stems from unresolved insecurities, unfairly directed at a child.

Dr. Susan Forward, an expert on toxic family dynamics, writes, “When a parent’s love is conditional or selective, it creates a hierarchy that damages the entire family”. Here, the wife’s jealousy suggests deeper emotional issues, possibly requiring therapy to address. Her actions alienated her daughter and pushed her husband away, fracturing the family.

The OP should prioritize legal action to secure custody of both children, ensuring their emotional safety. Therapy for his daughter can help her process this neglect, while co-parenting counseling might salvage a healthier dynamic for their son. For now, his choice to leave signals a commitment to breaking this toxic cycle.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out raw reactions to this family meltdown. Here’s what the community had to say about this heartbreaking saga:

insomnipunk − you need to get your son AND daughter out of this situation before your wife does something even more drastic to him too

Cute-Shine-1701 − You wrote 'now I'm at my parents''. I really hope you didn't leave your daughter alone with that deranged woman and took her too. Your wife's misogyny is off the chart.

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JellyFishFarts − NTA. Your stupidity did not hurt your daughter. Your love is helping her. I was appalled reading all of that about your wife. I can’t imagine how your wife would treat your daughter once she reaches her teenage years. It’d only get worse. Your wife needs professional help, you need a divorce lawyer, and your kids need you. That’s all.. Definitely NTA.

PeteyPorkchops − What a disgusting woman. Jealous of a child. Document everything and get custody of both your children if you can.

mwilliams4d57 − If she is jealous of your daughter, I wonder if she thinks you are jealous of your son. I truly hope she hasn't done something to/with your son that she fears you would want to do to/with your daughter. Just thinking this makes me sick, but that was the first thing that came to my mind after reading your post, and I was trying to understand they 'why' in her behavior.. Edit.. NTA

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ego41 − Something occurred to me that is most likely off the wall and ridiculous, but...are you sure both kids are yours biologically? I'm trying to understand where she's coming from here, because from your description it started at birth.

Technical_Pumpkin_65 − You need to contact a lawyer now and have a appointment to a therapist for your kids to be able to have the custody of your both child or your wife will alienate your son against both of you! You need to act quickly or it will have damages who will never recover

Dragon_Bidness − NTA But it does make me worry that she views your son in an inappropriate manner. Emotional i**est is a terrible terrible thing.

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[Reddit User] − NTA at the moment. If you DO NOT divorce her and sue for full custody with NO visitation (not that you'll get it in the West), then you WBTA.

CakeZealousideal1820 − You should've packed her s**t up and told her gtfo. You need full custody of both children asap. She sounds vile and it's disturbing you let this happen for so long. ESH

These Redditors brought the heat, but do their calls for divorce and custody battles capture the full weight of this choice? Real life demands more than online verdicts—it’s a messy road ahead.

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This dad’s decision to walk away with his daughter shines a light on the painful cost of favoritism and jealousy within a family. Choosing his little girl over a marriage marked by neglect was no easy call, but it was a stand for love and fairness. As he rebuilds at his parents’ home, the path forward is uncertain, but his daughter’s safety comes first. Have you ever faced a moment where you had to choose between family members? What would you do in this dad’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

The author has updated the information for the article below:

So for everyone asking my daughter is with me at my parents house. And I'll pick up my son from school today and he's gonna stay with me. My lawyer got all papers prepared. And I'm ready to take all of this to court. I got in contact with police and they will come and take my wife out of the house tomorrow.

My neighbour called police on her for destroying my property and my car. She will probably spend some time in jail. My lewyer got all the evidence. And it's going to court. It took few days for police to process all the stuff, but now they know about that she's not supposed to come close to them.

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I know a lot people asked how I couldn't see it before or why I didn't left. I joined army when I was 21 and I was there until 28. I didn't spend a lot of time at home. I didn't have a choice to put my kids somewhere else. And when I left army and I came home I had to deal with with mental issues I had.

It's all good now, but she liked to use it against me most of the time. I didn't have a job before, house is mine just because my parents left it for me. (My parents are not my biological parents, they adopted me when I was 15, before that I was in foster home because of my father abuse), but I think about them as my real parents. They love my kids, and kids love them.

I have to be careful because she accused me of cheating, she hurted herself before, when I tried to leave. I know most people don't understand it, but please try to imagine how it was. I love my kids with my whole heart and I'll do my best to make they're lives normal again. They will always remember this, but I hope they will forgive me one day.

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