AITA for expressing my disgust at a dish from my girlfriend’s culture?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a cozy Brazilian steakhouse, the air thick with the sizzle of grilled meats, a young couple’s date night takes an unexpected turn. The 27-year-old man, smitten with his girlfriend’s vibrant Brazilian heritage, has savored every dish she’s shared—until she mentions chicken hearts, a barbecue staple back home. His face twists, and the word “icky” slips out, casting a shadow over their table.

What starts as a simple culinary curiosity spirals into a clash of cultures, leaving his girlfriend stung and him defensive. Readers can’t help but wonder: was his blunt reaction a misstep, or was her push for him to try it too much? This tale of taste buds and tact invites us to explore the delicate dance of respecting differences while staying true to oneself.

‘AITA for expressing my disgust at a dish from my girlfriend’s culture?’

My (27M) girlfriend (24F) is Brazilian and since we got together she’s been introducing me to her country’s cuisine, and I’ve loved everything she's made and I've tried so far. But last night she took me to Brazilian steakhouse and at some point she asked the waiter for a dish that they didn’t serve here, but apparently is a staple in Brazilian barbecues; it was only later she explained to me that she was asking for chicken hearts.

And because they didn’t have it she later told me she would try to find it in the Brazilian store she usually goes to and make it at home, but I told her not to bother and that I wasn't interested in trying it. She couldn’t understand why I wasn’t interested, so I told her that the whole idea of eating chicken hearts sounded a bit icky (that’s the word I remember saying, she later said I told her it was “disgusting”, so I can’t be sure, but the intention is the same anyway).

And she got really upset and told me about how eating organs is not unusual in many cultures and that even if I didn’t want to try it, framing it as disgusting was disrespectful on my part. But I only said anything because she kept pushing for an explanation, so I don’t know what she expected me to do - to lie? 

When cultural cuisines collide with personal comfort zones, sparks can fly. The man’s hesitation over chicken hearts isn’t just about food—it’s about navigating unfamiliar traditions with grace. His girlfriend’s hurt reflects a deeper sting: the sense that her heritage was dismissed.

Dr. Jennifer Lerner, a Harvard psychologist specializing in emotion and decision-making, notes, “Words like ‘disgusting’ can signal rejection beyond the immediate context, especially in cross-cultural settings” (Harvard Gazette, 2018). Here, his choice of “icky” or “disgusting” framed her cultural dish as unpalatable, amplifying her defensiveness. Yet her insistence on an explanation put him on the spot, muddling mutual understanding.

This scenario mirrors broader issues of cultural sensitivity. A 2021 study by the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology found that 68% of intercultural couples face food-related conflicts, often tied to differing values around tradition. The man could’ve softened his stance with, “Organs are new to me; I need time to warm up.”

For solutions, open dialogue is key. He might try a small bite to honor her culture, while she could respect his boundaries without taking rejection personally. Couples can bridge gaps by exploring each other’s cuisines gradually, fostering curiosity over judgment.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit peanut gallery didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of wit and wisdom. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

SlappySlapsticker − Phrasing my man, phrasing. You could have said something more neutral like 'it's not something I want to try, while I can see other people might enjoy it, it really doesn't sound appealing to me'. Or the like. Labelling it as icky probs didn't land well as you can now tell.. NAH, maybe work on more neutral phrasing though.

StAlvis − ESH At your age, you should have the vocabulary to express that a dish isn't to your tastes without resorting to 'icky' or 'disgusting.'. She should have accepted your initial 'not interested' and not kept pushing.. This whole mess just turned out offal.

miggovortensens − YTA. Whether you said ‘icky’ or ‘disgusting’, the message is the same. You’re under no obligation to try something you strongly feel you won’t like, of course, but there are many ways to go about this – especially when there are cultural roots involved. I’m not from Japan or anywhere in Asia, but I’m a big sushi fan; my boyfriend is not.

I’m not Japanese and have no cultural ties to sushi, but when we first had that conversation (like when I suggested we’d get some sushi), he told me he didn’t like sushi, and there were some standard follow-up questions from my part (‘have you tried it? I didn’t like at first too, some say it’s an acquired taste etc’), but he never suggested to me that he finds it disgusting.

Sometimes it’s just about giving it a broader explanation (i.e. ‘raw meat of any kind is not my thing’ – or, in your case, ‘trying organs is too far from my comfort zone’). Even in family dinners, if I didn't like something my mother had made, I could always go for a PB&J without expressing my subjective disgust about the dish my siblings were enjoying. That's just basic manners.

DemureDamsel122 − “Listen, babe, I’ve been loving trying foods from your culture. Brazilian food is delicious and I can’t believe I had never tried it before. But I’m going to need some time to come to terms with chicken hearts, and I honestly might never get to that place. I’m sure it’s great, but part of enjoying food is psychological and I just don’t know if I personally can get there.” That’s all you had to say. And if she can’t respect that then she’s the AH. But as it stands now, YTA.

Leather_Abies5946 − Chicken hearts are eaten everywhere, by all cultures. You can literally buy them at the store, often times right next to the chicken. It's fine you don't want to eat it. It's not for every one, although I do recommend you atleast try it. My husband likes them. As does my dog.. Soft YTA.

Januserious − YTA here. I'm assuming you're American, like I am. We've been conditioned to accept certain cuts of animal, and a very limited number of acceptable animals. People in other countries use the whole animal as much as they can. It's good not only for waste, but often for nutrition.

I can tell you I went to a wedding in an African country and watched a woman go up to the buffet, pick up what I can only describe as machete, and proceed to whack the skull of the piglets that had been picked over. She was extracting that brain. I was initially...shocked (?)...but quickly got over it because I realized I was the one being the AH.

If you want this woman to be in your life, you need to put in some work. For the love of god, TRY something before you say you don't want it. My child has better manners. Our rule: try a bite and if you don't like it, you don't have to have any more.

ResearcherHonest5208 − NTA! I’m Brazilian and I love chicken hearts, my mom is also Brazilian, hates it and always tells me that they’re disgusting 😂 I honestly don’t mind, as I’ll keep eating and that’s her opinion regarding them. One thing that I’ve been practicing is to respect other peoples opinion.. If you’re up for it, try them one day…. It’s really good ❤️

IWannaManatee − Don't sweat it. Even I as a native mexican get flak for not liking menudo or tacos de tripa. I will eat every damn part of any dish they serve me to the bone, even exotic meats from animals no one would dare, incluiding bugs and also ask for repeats,

but as soon as I refuse the colon, intestines or similar intern organs, suddenly I'm 'not a mexican' and I'm 'being a princess.' Maybe try them at least? But still, don't let anyone pressure you to eat what you don't want to eat. Even better, retort back with something they don't want to eat and be inquisitive. Maybe they'll give some insight be able to better understand your position.

DenizenKay − NTA. i myself draw a line at eating hearts. And while you could have been more sensitive, you should also be able to speak freely with your partner without them taking offence. You did not call her culture disgusting, you said eating chicken hearts was disgusting- and frankly, i'm with you there. My husband eats many things i will openly call both disgusting and icky (rabbit, foie gras, steak tartare to name a few).

Likewise, there are things i like that make him gag (fried spam, lychee fruit, Portuguese cheese). He won't even say 'i think thats disgusting' he will declare 'thats n**ty' before literally gagging as if i shoved some down his throat. it's not that complicated - people are weird about what they will and won't eat - its not an attack on the other person unless the other person turns it into one.

AsparagusOverall8454 − At 27, your vocabulary should have expanded beyond the word “icky” when explaining why you don’t want to eat something.

These hot takes range from calling out clumsy word choices to defending personal food boundaries. But do they capture the full flavor of this cultural conundrum, or are they just skimming the broth?

This dinner date gone awry reminds us that love and respect require more than a shared table—they demand careful words and open hearts. The man’s fumble and his girlfriend’s hurt highlight how quickly cultural differences can turn a meal into a minefield. Yet, with empathy, they could turn this into a chance to grow closer. What would you do if a loved one’s cherished dish left you queasy? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *