AITA for expecting my SIL to babysit my kids?
A woman with four young children has always relied on her helpful brother for occasional babysitting. When he got married a few months ago, his new wife moved to the area and started watching the kids too—handling all four like a pro whenever the couple needed a break for work or travel.
That changed suddenly about a week ago. The sister-in-law began turning down every request, explaining the kids can get uncontrollable at times. During one heated phone call, the mom pointed out that her SIL was home all day without a job anyway—so why not help? The conversation blew up, with the SIL firing back that she didn’t move there to be a babysitter. Now radio silence reigns, and the mom isn’t sure how to fix things.
‘AITA for expecting my SIL to babysit my kids?’
The poster starts by highlighting her brother’s long history of stepping up for the family:
Then comes the sudden shift that sparked the conflict:
Entitlement around family childcare is incredibly common, especially when one sibling has always been the “helpful” one. The poster sees her brother’s past willingness as a green light to keep asking, but marriage changes dynamics—his priority is now his wife, and her time isn’t automatically available for extended family needs.
Four children under 10 is an intense load, even for experienced caregivers. Professional nannies often charge $20–$30 per hour per family (sometimes more for multiple kids), plus benefits in some cases. Free help from family is a gift, not a right, and treating it as an expectation quickly breeds resentment.
The comment about the SIL being “at home free and without a job” lands as dismissive of her transition period—moving provinces, building a new life, and possibly job hunting or simply adjusting takes energy. Childcare, especially for four energetic kids, is exhausting work that deserves respect and compensation if it becomes regular.
A better path forward: apologize sincerely for the entitlement, acknowledge the value of past help, and shift to asking politely with advance notice—and offering payment—if future babysitting is needed. Building a real relationship with the SIL (inviting her out without kids, helping her meet people) could repair the damage and create genuine goodwill.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Online reactions were overwhelmingly one-sided, with everyone slamming the original poster for entitlement while grouping around a few key themes.
Most people hammered home that no one owes free childcare, especially not a new in-law who’s still settling in:
![[Reddit User] - YTA. Free (I’m assuming? )babysitting is a blessing and should be treated as such. I’m a nanny and I’ve gotten paid $22 an hour with PTO and...](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/wp-editor-1766651656690-1.webp)
![[Reddit User] - YTA. Holy crap. You have FOUR kids! Even the most well-behaved kids can be exhausting when there's freaking 4 of them! Also, you're not entitled to free...](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/wp-editor-1766651672676-9.webp)
Several commenters pointed out how often the requests seemed to happen and how exhausting four kids would be:
A few offered practical advice on how to move forward or suggested something might have triggered the sudden change:
Across the board, people agree the mom crossed into entitled territory by expecting ongoing free childcare from her new sister-in-law. Family help is wonderful when offered freely, but it stops being help the moment it feels obligatory.
What about you—have you ever dealt with family expectations around babysitting? Where do you draw the line between asking for a favor and assuming someone owes you their time?
