AITA for expecting my husband to have the house cleaned while he is at home and I am at work?

Picture a tired, pregnant woman trudging home from work, hoping to sink into a tidy living room, only to find dishes piled high and her husband glued to Madden, a cloud of smoke in the air. Her simple chore list—sweep the floors, make the bed, tidy up—lies ignored, and his snippy attitude when pressed adds salt to the wound. This isn’t just about a messy house; Colbert’s a messy house; it’s about partnership under pressure.

This Reddit saga, simmering with domestic tension, captures the struggle of balancing expectations in a marriage. The woman’s frustration, amplified by pregnancy and long workdays, clashes with her husband’s apparent apathy, raising questions about fairness and teamwork. Is she asking too much, or is he dropping the ball? Let’s dive into this relatable household drama.

‘AITA for expecting my husband to have the house cleaned while he is at home and I am at work?’

I don’t expect much and leave a simple list; have the floors swept, dishes done, the bed made, dirty clothes picked up, and living room tidy. I don’t ask him to do anything particularly gross or meticulous

and even set up his coffee pot for when he wakes up.. It’s not a lot and should take less than an hour to accomplish. He can’t/won’t do it and gets snippy when I don’t hit my knees to praise him for only doing 3/4s.. AITA?.

[EDIT] I’m also pregnant with our first and when I get home he’s usually stoned with Madden running.

This household chore clash is a textbook case of mismatched expectations. The pregnant wife’s reasonable request for basic tidying—sweeping, dishes, bed-making—meets resistance from her unemployed husband, who’s often found stoned and gaming. His defensive snippiness suggests deeper issues, possibly depression, as Reddit notes.

Household labor division is a common relationship flashpoint. A 2022 Pew Research study found 59% of couples report uneven chore distribution as a major source of conflict, especially when one partner works outside the home (source: PewResearch.org). The wife’s frustration is valid, but her husband’s behavior may signal mental health struggles.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, says, “Fairness in household tasks builds trust; neglect breeds resentment” (source: Gottman.com). Here, the husband’s half-hearted efforts and defensiveness erode that trust, while the wife’s pregnancy adds urgency to her need for support. Dismissing his potential depression, though, risks misunderstanding his inertia.

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This story reflects broader issues of communication and mental health in partnerships. A calm, empathetic talk about feelings and needs could help. The wife might suggest therapy, as Reddit users advised, to address possible depression. Offering to tackle chores together could also ease tension.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s take on this domestic dust-up is as lively as a messy living room! From calls to kick the husband into gear to suggestions of depression-driven struggles, the community serves up a mix of tough love and empathy.

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KardunSantari - NTA - kids or no kids, if you are at home keeping the place tidy is part of it. EDIT - Wow, that blew up. Need to clarify here. Husband for 11 years and dad to 4 kids. Wife is stay at home mum and it is a full time job.

Sometimes the house is spotless and dinner on the table, sometimes it's a warzone. Everyone has bad days at work, including my wife. Neither of us finish 'work' until the kids are in bed, dishes done, and both of us can sit down.

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WaveSayHi - INFO You said he got laid off, and all he does is play video games. Combined with you not appreciating the things he does do, albeit not much, this shows every textbook sign of depression. Talk to a therapist or counselor as a couple, get off Reddit, and move forward as a unit.

If either of you are unable to do that, question the validity of your marriage. Edit: Thanks for the Gold/Silver, as someone in a relationship with both people suffering from depression on and off, this topic is pretty important to me.

Maga4lifeshutitdown - NTA. I do stuff for my wife even if she doesn't ask for it. And I'm the one who works. But sometimes she gets very busy and if she's away shopping or whatever, I'll do some minor stuff for her. She doesn't like me doing it but I do it anyway to help her out. I think it's called being married or something....

DutchBrum - What kind of work does he do and how much does he work?

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butdoilikemushrooms - YTA ...potentially. After reading some of the comments you've left, I'd say it sounds like it is increasingly likely that you're being an a**hole here. Instead of getting upset and expecting him to be just like you, responding in exactly the same way to being laid off, you should take a step back.

You're different people. Situations will effect you differently, and your worldviews will be different. Instead of expecting he has insight into your brain, consider changing how you communicate that you need these chores done. I'm not saying you have to accept him never cleaning again and do all the chores yourself.

Instead of just leaving a list, sit him down and talk to him. Try to say to him things like, 'It's important to me that these are done, and it really hurts my feelings when you don't do them.' If he's lived his whole life never having to do chores before, he probably doesn't realise that he's hurting you.

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I imagine that if you communicated your needs for the chores in such a way and the consequences for not doing them, he would start to look at them differently. More importantly I think, maybe investigate what's going on with him more.

Imagine for a moment that he wants to do these chores too, but something might be happening that stops him - no one plays Madden all day because they're happy with their lives. He's probably hurting and needs some help. You have an opportunity to guide him to that help right now rather than turning on him.

xTecna - NTA at all. I think that's fair, if he doesn't work from home. If he does home office though, I can get why he doesn't have time to do the chores.

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[Reddit User] - NTA depending on specific circumstances I am currently the stay at home Partner due to mental health issues and have been given the task of the majority of the housework. Sometimes however I find it hard to get out of bed let alone do anything productive.

Nagging in that situation only makes my situation worse. If he is experiencing depression due to getting laid off I recommend talking to him about it but letting him do it in his own way. If on the other hand he is just being lazy give him a kick up the ass and tell him to pull his finger out.

solidacid420 - If you own a home, regardless of who you share it with, you have a basic obligation to that home to keep it clean and look after it. She shouldn’t have to ask, or make lists, these “chores” are what you expect to be done when you visit someone’s house. It’s disgusting he won’t lift a finger while his SO is working. Still expects her to wipe his useless ass after a long day of work.

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sqitten - NTA unless he has some good reason. If you have kids he is taking care of, then this changes a bit, since he'd be working while you're at work by taking care of them. You really need to come to an agreement about division of chores.

And you shouldn't be leaving him lists and having to manage the household all by yourself; if he's a grown up, he should know what needs to be done and pitching in without being constantly prodded.

AllRythmNoBlues - INFO.. Do you have children that he is watching throughout the day? Is he also working from home?

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These reactions highlight the complexity of household fairness, but do they miss the nuances of mental health?

This chore list clash reveals how quickly small tasks can spark big feelings in a marriage. The pregnant wife’s plea for help is reasonable, but her husband’s inaction and attitude hint at deeper struggles. It’s a reminder that teamwork and understanding are the backbone of a strong partnership. How do you split chores with your partner? What would you do in this couple’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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