AITA for excluding my mom from baby shower until she sincerely apologizes to my husband for how she’s been about him not being present at our last birth?

In the glow of expecting her second child, a woman’s joy was dimmed by her mother’s sharp tongue, aimed at her husband’s past struggle with panic attacks. When their first daughter was born, he stayed out of the delivery room, grappling with severe anxiety from a recent trauma—a choice they made together to keep the moment calm. Yet, her mother’s relentless jabs, culminating in a cruel Zoom quip about him “flipping out again,” pushed her to draw a hard line: no baby shower invite until a heartfelt apology lands. Now, with family ties strained and opinions swirling, she’s left wondering if her stand was too harsh.

This story is a tender yet fiery tale of love, loyalty, and mental health, where a mother-to-be fights to protect her husband’s peace. Reddit rallied behind her, cheering her resolve while scorching her mom’s insensitivity. With humor and heart, this narrative pulls you into a world where family love clashes with judgment, leaving you to ponder: how far would you go to defend your partner?

‘AITA for excluding my mom from baby shower until she sincerely apologizes to my husband for how she’s been about him not being present at our last birth?’

My daughter was born over a year and a half ago. A couple of months before I was due, my husband experienced something very traumatic that I’d rather not say here. Soon after he was experiencing some severe panic attacks that sometimes came out of nowhere but usually triggered by any sort of stress. He was so worried about how he’d be during our daughter’s birth and I decided maybe it was better if he wasn’t present.

We were still waiting for him to get approval for a therapist and his panic attacks would get really bad. Being in the delivery room didn’t feel like the best choice. My husband agreed, he felt so awful about it but I knew this wasn’t his fault.

My sister was there instead and he stayed in the waiting room with his family who helped him when his anxiety would spike. The delivery went well and my husband finally got the help he desperately needed. My mom was the only one who seemed to have a problem with the fact that he wasn’t with me “doing his job as a husband/father” by supporting me.

She knew about the anxiety problem, why it was happening and why he hadn’t been able to get help yet. But she felt like he should’ve sucked it up and been there for me. I put my foot down a few times when she went directly to him and made him feel bad for failing his first task as a father. She’d apologize, my husband would forgive her and decide to give her another chance.

We didn’t see much of anyone after because of covid. And then we were busy with my daughter so didn’t talk to her much either. We found out months ago we’re pregnant with our second child and my husband is ecstatic,I am too. We were talking to my parents on zoom and my mom asked if he’s actually gonna be there this time or is he gonna “flip out again” and decide to miss the birth of his baby. My husband got silent afterwards and he was very serious.

That’s a sore subject for him because he still feels extremely guilty, despite being such a caring and devoted father to our girl. I got so mad at my mom, this time she doesn’t want to apologize because it was just a simple valid question but it’s the way that she said it.

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He manages his anxiety very well thanks to his lovely therapist and hasn’t suffered an episode like that in a long time even in very stressful situations, we’ve had a few of those last year. She knows all this so I know her question was just to make a jab at him.

I’ve been refusing all contact and said she’s not welcome to my baby shower until she sincerely apologizes to him. Because she refused we haven’t talked at all and she’s still uninvited. Some are not happy we’re taking this route, my husband is on the same boat. They feel she has a right to be “concerned” for me and I shouldn’t be keeping her from our family.. It’s kind of been wearing me down so I’d like to know what others might think about this.

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This family feud is a stark lesson in empathy—or the lack of it. The woman and her husband made a selfless choice during their first child’s birth, prioritizing a stress-free delivery over his presence in the room, a decision rooted in his severe panic attacks. Her mother’s refusal to respect this, despite knowing his trauma and ongoing therapy, isn’t concern—it’s cruelty dressed as opinion. Her latest jab, mocking his mental health on Zoom, was a deliberate dig, not a “valid question.” Excluding her from the baby shower is a fair boundary, not punishment, after repeated unheeded warnings.

The broader issue here is mental health stigma in families. A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 68% of family conflicts escalate when mental health issues are dismissed, often deepening emotional wounds. The mother’s “suck it up” attitude reflects outdated views, ignoring her husband’s progress and devotion as a father.

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Psychologist Dr. John Gottman advises, “Support in partnerships means defending each other’s vulnerabilities” . Here, the woman’s stand shields her husband’s recovery, while her mother’s jabs risk reopening old guilt. The family’s pushback—claiming the mother’s “concern” justifies her words—misses the mark; concern doesn’t excuse harm.

The woman should hold firm, reinforcing her boundary with clear communication, using tips from Psychology Today on managing toxic family dynamics. A mediated talk with her mother could clarify expectations, but without a sincere apology, distance is wise.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit brought the fire, serving up a fierce mix of praise for the woman’s loyalty and shade for her mother’s heartlessness. From hailing her husband’s sacrifice to urging permanent distance from her mom, the comments are a spicy blend of support and fury. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

Dont-trust-it − NTA. Shes lucky you're even giving her a chance to make good. Can I just say your husband is such a noble man, giving up being in the delivery room for the birth of his child for the good of everyone at the time is such a honorable thing to do. It must have been one of the hardest decisions to make. Hats off to this man.

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TogarSucks − NTA.. She wasn’t expressing concern, she was mocking your husband’s struggle with his mental health. You want to know if you are an a**hole for uninviting her to a party because of it? Hell, you would not be the a**hole if you completely cut off all contact from her grandkids until she *sincerely* apologized. Including an admission that she was intentionally being antagonistic with the words she chose and a demonstration that she is trying to change as a person.

Mentathiel − NTA. If this is genuine concern for you, she's expressing it in a rude, cruel, and paternalistic way. You're an adult, you've picked your partner, you've talked this issue through, you let her know multiple times that you're fine with it, by this point she HAS TO respect that, even if she disagrees. I'm not even sure this is protectiveness, because if it were that, this would be a very unproductive way to try to help.

Maybe she is trying to bully him into going out of a concern for you, but I don't see in what world would that solve more problems in your marriage than it would create. Especially given that he is going this time and that she already knows it, it's just completely unnecessary. So, to me, it honestly reads more as unnecessary cruel & abusive remarks than mama bear mode.

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charliesmaine − NTA, it's none of your mothers business who was in the room when you gave birth, you and your husband have done nothing wrong. Congratulations BTW, all the best

SciFiEmma − NTA. You and your husband are staying strong as partners, as you should. Mom has a very 1950s view of mental health and needs to educate herself.

novashooterj − NTA one bit. Your mum is toxic tho and needs to educate herself. Good luck!

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ThrowRA_Diplomat − NTA. I just want to tell you that I'm very proud of how your husband made what must have been a terribly difficult choice for the sake of you and your baby. I'm also very proud of you for how you're standing by him.

Your mother is constantly picking at a very raw nerve and keeping his unwarranted sense of guilt at the forefront of his mind. This is both cruel and counterproductive, and you are absolutely doing the right thing by putting your foot down. This has to stop and so far talking to her hasn't done anything but prompt temporary and clearly insincere apologies.

Until she suffers some actual consequences for her behavior she will not stop hurting him over this. Frankly if she doesn't see reason by the time the baby shower rolls around I would tell her seeing the baby is next on the chopping block if she doesn't stop torturing him, so she needs to decide right now what's more important to her: pointless spite or contact with her grandchild.

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If she wants to talk about fair questions then **that** is a fair question, and one she shouldn't have to think about for long.. Some are not happy we’re taking this route, my husband is on the same boat. I'm sure from the way she's made sure he feels constant guilt over this he would be willing to try to ignore it just to keep the peace. I'd advise you to hold firm on this for his sake even if he starts to urge you to let it go too. If you don't stop this here it's never going to stop.

It may be a lonely fight but it's absolutely one worth having: your husband made a difficult choice for the sake of you and our newborn's mental health, so now it's time to make one for the sake of his. Even if you let it go and he is 'there' this time (and more on that in a second) she's still going to keep the jabs coming, I guarantee it.

Instead of 'you skipped the birth of your only child' it will just change to 'well at least you showed up for ONE of your children' and keep going ad infinitum.. And for the record: My sister was there instead and he stayed in the waiting room with his family who helped him when his anxiety would spike.

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For God's sake, **he was there**. Your mother is acting like he left the country for the birth. He was in the building and deliberately keeping himself away from the one place he most wanted to be just so he wouldn't create any stress for you or your newborn. Your mother should be thanking him for the sacrifice, not treating him like garbage.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You did the right thing by going no contact with her, and she doesn’t deserve an invitation to be a part of anything to do with her grandchildren until she apologizes. I suggest going over to the one of the many subs about mothers/mother-in-laws if you need more support. I would tag them but I can’t figure it out on mobile.

thatonepersoniam − NTA- Your husband is fortunate to have a wife like you. You showed grace and understanding when he needed it, even though it works have been easy to blame him for his trauma response. Your mother is the opposite. That was not a 'simple question', it was public shaming of your husband. He deserves someone like you to stand up for him. Keep strong, and set a tone of how your family will be treated by your mother

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Responsible_Hope_831 − NTA. Who are the baby's parents? Your husband and you. Who's the one giving birth? You. You know who's opinion doesn't matter? Your mom. If she can understand this and shut up, then you do what's best for your family.

You already have given her many chances and she keeps repeating her behaviour, she is not doing this out of concern it feels more like she is in a power trip with you, she wants you to say yes you are right he is a crappy husband and should have been there with me.

These Redditors backed the woman’s baby shower ban, calling her mother’s remarks toxic and her concern a flimsy excuse. Some praised the couple’s teamwork, while others suggested cutting contact until real change occurs. Do these hot takes capture the full story, or are they just fanning the flames?

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This woman’s story is a powerful reminder that love means standing up for your partner, especially when family crosses lines. Her mother’s cruel jabs at her husband’s mental health struggles weren’t concern—they were attacks on a man who’s proven his devotion. Banning her from the baby shower isn’t about spite; it’s about protecting a family built on trust and healing. It’s a tale of courage and consequence, where boundaries shine brighter than guilt trips. How would you handle a family member who mocks your partner’s vulnerabilities? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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