AITA for excluding my deceased son when someone ask how many kids I have?
A faded photo on the wall, a smiling boy frozen in time, tells a story of love and loss for a Reddit user navigating life after her son’s tragic death. During a casual playdate chat, the OP faced the familiar question: “How many kids do you have?” Her choice to mention only her two living children, sidestepping the pain of explaining her son Josh’s passing, led to a gut-punch argument with her husband, who felt she was erasing their boy’s memory.
This AITA post peels back the layers of grief, memory, and marital tension. The OP’s decision to shield herself from reliving trauma clashed with her husband’s need to honor their son. Reddit weighs in, but is she wrong to choose silence? Let’s step into this tender tale, where love and loss linger in every word.
‘AITA for excluding my deceased son when someone ask how many kids I have?’
A simple playdate turned into a painful confrontation over grief and memory. Here’s the Reddit user’s story in their own words:
This heart-wrenching story reveals the jagged edges of grief in a marriage. The OP’s choice to sometimes omit her late son Josh when discussing her children protects her emotional well-being, but her husband’s accusation of erasing Josh’s memory highlights their differing grief journeys. Both are navigating a profound loss, yet their approaches clash.
Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief counselor, notes, “Grief is individual; some need to speak of the loss, while others find solace in private mourning” (Souce). The OP’s omission avoids reopening wounds, while her husband’s reaction suggests a need to keep Josh’s memory vocal. A 2021 Journal of Loss and Trauma study found that 50% of bereaved parents experience marital strain due to differing coping styles (Source).
This ties to broader issues of processing child loss. The OP’s approach isn’t denial but self-preservation. Advice: The OP and her husband could benefit from couples counseling to align their grief processes. She might say, “I love Josh and honor him privately; talking about him casually hurts.” A shared ritual, like a yearly memorial, could unite them.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Reddit poured out empathy and insight, serving up heartfelt takes on this grief-fueled conflict. Here’s what the community had to say about the OP’s delicate choice:
![[Reddit User] − NAH. When people ask how many siblings I have, I'll answer anywhere between 1 to 3 - I have foster siblings, and depending on the conversation, it might or might not make sense to include them (and whether to include one or both of them). I don't think your husband is TA though for being upset. Grief is grief is grief, and people can be very protective of the memories of those they lost.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/218550cmt-06.png)
![[Reddit User] − We have a neighbor who's teenage son passed. He's been gone seven years but she still talks about him nearly every day; she still views him as being very much a part of the family while her husband omits him from the 'headcount' when talking about their kids.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/218550cmt-10.png)
![[Reddit User] − NAH. I think your husband is upset by what he thinks was your intent, but that isn't the case because obviously you don't want to forget your sweet boy who passed away. But explaining to someone you don't know well that you had a child who died tragically is a pretty heavy topic.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/218550cmt-13.png)
These Reddit voices carry weight, but do they capture the full scope of grief’s complexity? Is the OP’s silence a shield or a betrayal?
This tender tale of a mother’s grief and a husband’s pain shows how loss can ripple through a family, even years later. The OP’s choice to sidestep her son’s memory in casual chats wasn’t erasure but self-care, yet it struck a raw nerve with her husband. Reddit sees no villains, only hurting hearts. Have you ever wrestled with how to share a loss? What would you do in this delicate dance of grief? Share your thoughts below and keep the convo alive!
