AITA for ending a decade long friendship after my friend announced her 5th pregnancy?

A 44-year-old woman hasn’t spoken to her 30-year-old former best friend since New Year’s Eve, when the younger woman casually dropped the bomb: baby number five was on the way. What started as a rock-solid bond forged in the wreckage of a toxic breakup back in 2016 had slowly morphed into something unrecognizable. Daily hangouts, movie marathons, and emotional check-ins gave way to endless cycles of diapers, drama, and desperate cash loans. By the time the fifth pregnancy hit, the older friend had become an unpaid nanny, ATM, and full-time therapist—until she finally snapped.

The explosion was years in the making. She’d funded groceries, doctor visits, birthday parties, even medicine for four kids she didn’t birth. The younger friend juggled abusive relationships, refused child support out of pride, and kept popping out babies she couldn’t afford. When the call came announcing yet another pregnancy, the dam broke. Screaming, tears, and a final “I’m done” ended a decade of friendship. Six months later, $400 in loans remain unpaid, the kids are missed, but the constant anxiety? Not one bit.

‘AITA for ending a decade long friendship after my friend announced her 5th pregnancy?’

It all kicked off in 2016 while the OP was reeling from an abusive split, suddenly forming a deep bond with her younger friend:

No Bueno. My (44F) friend (30F) and I haven't spoken since New Year's of this year (it's currently June as of this writing).. I'm hoping to keep the backstory short,...

We met in 2016 when I was going through a brutally emotionally abusive breakup. Her then husband, was the son of my exes best friend. She was there when the...

Early on, help went both ways, but cracks started showing as more kids came along:

She was sweet, and thoughtful, always calling to check in on me (I fell into a very deep depression after this breakup), coming by with food and a listening ear....

I was there for the birth of their son. Life continued on, saw each other almost every single day in some capacity, her and her family (husband and both kids)...

My depression still gripped me here and there and she stepped up in emotionally mature ways that I didn't expect from someone her age. A couple years later, her and...

He was controlling and possessive. Verbally abusive and gaslit the crap out of her. Though now I realize she certainly wasnt faultless. Thus began the neverending revolving door of unhealthy,...

I stepped up. I became the second set of hands she needed in helping with the kids, the house, even the finances. We leaned on each other. We even got...

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Job loss and baby three cranked dependency to max, making OP the main lifeline:

She met someone there, fell in love fast and hard, got pregnant early and he bounced. Covid happened, and our jobs disappeared. The company we were at went under shortly...

I stepped up my bestie game. Appointments, diapers, groceries, bills, birthday parties, gifts, prescriptions... anything she needed. She even got me flowers and a card on father's day as a...

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Life continued on. I met my (now) husband. She continued to date erratically. She asked if my new bf had any single friends we could introduce her to... big mistake.....

This entire time, she's relying on me more and more. Appointments, gas money, food, cash loans, birthday parties, gifts, Christmas, money for the kids' medicine... you get the picture. I...

She always paid me back... but she always needed more just a week later. We both borrowed. I also borrowed from the "bestie bank" when I needed a few bucks...

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Now at this point things were more stable in MY life. Emotionally and financially, my boyfriend and I were comfortable. So I always justified these loans and all the help...

because I couldn't possibly understand how stressful it would be to be a single mom to 3 kids with one on the way.. I know I skipped a lot of...

Life lost all adult moments, just kids and chaos everywhere, pushing OP to pull back:

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At this point, she brings up the idea of having her tubes tied after baby #4 shows up and I told her I thought that was a fantastic idea. She...

After awhile, baby #4 had arrived and she was completely spread thin. 4 kids total, 2 kids in the last 2 years and a messy custody battle with her ex...

Plain and simple, she couldn't afford life anymore. She wasn't receiving child support from any of the 3 fathers (her pride stopped her from going after them for any help)....

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At this point, I had yet to experience a time in my friendship with her where she wasn't pregnant or breastfeeding.. We've never hung out without kids around. Never a...

I pulled back, I stopped answering her constant phone calls, I replied to her texts once a day or every other day. I started voicing to her how one-sided this...

She would come by with the kids and fall asleep immediately on my couch, leaving me to mind the kids. She had done this a LOT over the years, but...

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She was never happy. Every call or text conversation was some kind of drama. The current guy she's been seeing has cheated on her repeatedly. Hes lied to her, manipulated...

and she's had 4, 5, maybe even 6 pregnancy "scares" with this man in the last year. Clearly she wasn't being safe. She claimed to the high heavens that she...

A lie she made up facilitate a miscarriage to guilt him into staying with her and to keep me on the hook.. My anxiety and blood pressure were through the...

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and I started to notice the "inconsistencies" in a lot of her stories about doctors appointments and whatnot. She was always lying to me.. I'd call her out on it,...

I was definitely absent. Our friendship had devolved to sending memes, reacting to them without replies and maybe a quick phone conversation once a week.. I finally decided that I...

I was discussing with my husband how I would even go about breaking things off without feeling like I'm abandoning her when just around new years, I get a call.....

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"FIVE KIDS ?!? BY 4 DIFFERENT FATHERS??!. You can't even afford the ones you have now!!" I finally unleashed all of the frustration, all at once, that I'd been simply...

She still owes me close to $400 that I'll never see again. Sometimes I think I miss her, I know I definitely miss her kids. But I do not miss,...

I'm only questioning my actions now because I have so much guilt for "leaving her" to fend for herself. I mean, clearly she's fine, she's alive. But taking care of...

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I filled out all her applications for stuff. I wrote resignation emails for her, I wrote resumes and cover letters for her, I applied to jobs for her. I made...

Please tell me, how much of this situation makes me the AH? Thanks for reading. There, I'm done rambling.

This friendship slid from equal support into full-blown codependency, with the OP propping up a cycle of poor choices—serial pregnancies, toxic partners, zero financial planning. Her constant rescues delayed any real consequences for the younger friend.

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Some argue the OP signed up for this over ten years, even borrowing money herself at times. Cutting ties cold turkey feels harsh when kids are involved, and loyalty gets romanticized, especially for struggling moms.

But therapist Melodie Beattie nails it in Codependent No More: “We rescue people from their responsibilities and then feel used and resentful.” Enabling isn’t kindness—it’s control disguised as help, keeping both trapped.

Fixes are straightforward: block contact, write off the $400, journal every favor to see the pattern. Free CoDA groups rebuild self-worth without the savior complex. Walking away forces accountability; staying just funds baby six.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s chorus is overwhelmingly NTA, with users cheering the clean break while dissecting the slow slide into enabling.

Many users applaud the exit and stress self-preservation above guilt:

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xoxo_omara - NTA. You distanced and prioritised yourself good on you babe.

Primary-Weakness8728 - Don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm. NTA.

[Reddit User] - NTA. You’re a good human for not enabling her creating kids she can’t give a proper life too. Good for your strength.

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Imaginary-Drag8752 - Absolutely NTAH & not your fault or anything you should feel guilty how this person is behaving & choosing to live. You can only run rampant for so...

I can assure you that continuing the friendship (or what was left of it) would lead you to more of a physical & emotional decline. you can wish them well...

Others point fingers at years of enabling and urge tougher love sooner:

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Strange_Jackfruit_89 - NTA. I’m going to be honest… all your “help” was enabling her. Why would she go after child support or other assistance if she has someone she can...

The fact that she can’t even support the ones she already had and had more is irresponsible and downright stupid. You cannot worry about her and her kids more than...

She needs to apply for whatever assistance she is eligible for (including daycare vouchers) and learn to stand on her own. Do not ever get sucked back into this. It’ll...

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jossmcboss - Decade long friendship? Where was that? I just read about a short friendship turning into a free nanny service with a side of pay-day loans and free counselling....

CostumeGirlie - NTA Sounds like she needed to be "abandoned" so she can finally take responsibility for HER kids and stop taking advantage of others to do so. If she...

and actually go after the child support she desperately needs. You don't need to stay in her life, but maybe try to stay in the know in case she ends...

A few drop darkly funny one-liners that still land the NTA verdict:

TravisBlink - NTA. Sounds like a mental disorder at this point.

simagus - I filled out all her applications for stuff. I wrote resignation emails for her, I wrote resumes and cover letters for her, I applied to jobs for her....

I wrote break up texts and entire conversations with other men for her. Now you don't have to. Look at it as giving her space to fly the nest, so...

ProfessionalSir3395 - NTA. She keeps popping out babies like it's ever going to go out of style and expects you to take care of them.

Deeper reflections unpack codependency and share parallel burnout stories:

AngieCRN1482 - NTA. God your post hit me in the gut so hard because I am so you. I have been in therapy since my husband died in April and...

Doing all those things you mentioned, filling out applications, writing resignation emails/resumes, all of that stuff is codependency. If you have time you should read or listen to the book...

Codependency is one of those insidious things that you don't realize is happening until you're in it so deep you have no idea how to get out again. I hope...

Capital-Yogurt6148 - NTA. I had to cut off a really close friend with whom I had a similar relationship. A lot of back and forth, but eventually, it became pretty...

I was the first person she trusted to babysit her kids, first one to take her kids overnight. Fast-forward to 2020 and this friend had a really bad breakdown. I...

Like, literal PTSD, flashbacks, panic attacks -- the works. Fast-forward again to about 3 years later and she suddenly exploded with this long, drawn-out rant in which she took issue...

Long story short, she had lied to the ER doc during that episode in 2020 and when I found out, I corrected the lie, which caused some legal fallout for...

She "finally" decided to let it all out -- how it was none of my business, how I had no right to tell the doctor she was lying, how it...

She started talking about how I was taking food out of her kids' mouths and how she was questioning if I ever even loved or cared about them at all....

but I wanted to take some time to gather my thoughts first because I didn't want to respond from a place of emotion. I discussed it with my therapist that...

My therapist encouraged me to cut contact, to not respond and just block her instead because she was being abusive and manipulative. So that's what I did. I still felt...

It ended up being like, 17 pages long. And I realized that just getting it all out on paper was enough of a release for me, enough closure. Seeing it...

Ultimately, I decided not to send it. So, as for your question, no, you're NTA for cutting her off. If you're still feeling guilty, I highly recommend the letter-writing exercise....

A decade of unwavering support ended in a fiery New Year’s call, with the OP declaring she was done after the fifth pregnancy bombshell. Six months on, the silence holds, $400 stays lost, and the daily stress has vanished—though pangs of missing the kids linger amid the guilt.

What would you do in her shoes—ghost forever or risk one final boundary chat? Have you ever walked away from a friend who kept taking without giving back? Drop your stories below and let’s hear how you handled the fallout.

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