AITA for embarrassing a coworker at a potluck?

Picture a bustling office potluck, where the air hums with chatter and the scent of homemade dishes wafts from a crowded table. Amid the clinking of plates, one coworker’s persistent pushiness turns a festive gathering into a cringe-worthy showdown. The OP, caught in a whirlwind of awkwardness, faces a dilemma: how to fend off an overzealous coworker without derailing the party vibe? Their sharp retort leaves the room silent and one colleague teetering on tears, sparking a debate about boundaries and workplace tact.

The tension stems from a clash of personal space and unspoken hygiene concerns, a relatable struggle for anyone who’s navigated a shared meal with a side of skepticism. As the OP wrestles with guilt over their outburst, readers are drawn into a story that’s equal parts uncomfortable and thought-provoking, wondering how they’d handle such a sticky situation. Let’s dive into the drama and see where the lines are drawn.

‘AITA for embarrassing a coworker at a potluck?’

This happened almost a year ago but I still think about it. My work is a pretty social place and we had (before Corona) potlucks about once a month. Most people are really good cooks and it's fun to try everyone's dishes. There's one person - let's call her 'Cheryl' - whose food I won't eat because I feel like she's not very hygienic.

At one of the first potlucks I attended a coworker found a long hair in the salad Cheryl brought. He didn't make a big deal out of it but seeing him pull that hair out of his mouth made me physically gag and stuck with me.

I've also noticed bits of food (like - food unrelated to the food she recently cooked) stuck to the casserole dishes she brings in and - worst of all - I've been in the bathroom with her and have seen her come out of the stall and not wash her hands. In short, I find Cheryl a bit gross.

Anyway, at this potluck last year she brought in a cherry cheesecake and everyone was raving about how good it was. She noticed that I hadn't taken any and started bugging me to try it. For some reason she seemed to think I was on a diet or something (I wasn't) and kept insisting one bite wouldn't hurt even though I kept politely declining.

Finally she picked up a spoonful and tried to put it in my mouth (like, making out it was an airplane like I was a toddler or something) and I blurted out, 'I am not eating that, and maybe if you washed your hands in the bathroom I'd be more inclined to try your food.'

There was a long awkward silence and Cheryl looked like she was going to cry and I felt terrible. Since then I wonder if I could have handled it better (should I have made up an allergy or something?) Reddit, AITA?

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Workplace potlucks can be a minefield of social cues and personal boundaries, and this story is a classic case of good intentions gone awry. The OP’s clash with Cheryl highlights a delicate balance: respecting others’ efforts while protecting one’s own comfort. Cheryl’s insistence crossed a line, but the OP’s public call-out stirred the pot in a way that left everyone unsettled.

The core issue here is boundary violation. Cheryl’s attempt to force-feed the OP wasn’t just playful—it was disrespectful. According to Dr. Amy Cooper Hakim, a workplace dynamics expert, “When someone ignores a clear ‘no,’ they’re prioritizing their agenda over your autonomy” (Working Smart). Cheryl’s airplane-spoon antics ignored the OP’s refusals, escalating a friendly nudge into a power play. The OP’s hygiene concerns, while valid, were aired in a moment of frustration, amplifying the awkwardness.

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This situation reflects a broader issue: navigating hygiene perceptions in shared spaces. A CDC report notes that 69% of people don’t consistently wash their hands after bathroom use, which can fuel distrust in communal settings like potlucks. The OP’s reaction, though harsh, stemmed from genuine unease, likely shared by others who’ve side-eyed a questionable dish.

Dr. Hakim advises addressing such conflicts privately: “A calm, direct conversation can prevent public shaming while still setting boundaries.” The OP could have stepped aside and said, “I’m not comfortable eating today, but I appreciate your effort.” Moving forward, they might consider bringing their own dish to sidestep similar pressures, fostering goodwill without compromising their stance. Cheryl, meanwhile, could benefit from reflecting on social cues and hygiene habits to rebuild trust.

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for the OP’s potluck predicament. Their takes were as varied as the dishes at the buffet, with some cheering the OP’s honesty and others wincing at the delivery. Here’s what they had to say:

Usrname52 − NTA. She took it too far. If you had said it the first or even second time she tried to get you to try a piece, you'd be the AH. But as soon as she tried to actually force it in your mouth? That's completely inappropriate.. Please don't lie about allergies.

TofuDadWagon − Woah woah woah! The other comments here are wild. Cheryl was blatantly disregarding OPs clear 'no' and even violating her personal space. OP, flustered by Cheryl's unwanted advances, said something that finally made her back off? Cheryl should have listened at 'No.' NTA.

Strazdiscordia − NTA- she has poor hygiene habits and that should be a turn off for everyone. Washing your hands after using the bathroom is something we learn as children because we can get very sick if we don’t. You are never in the wrong for not eating anything you don’t want to.

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She embarrassed herself for not taking your repeated “no thanks I’m full. No really i dont want it” as a full stop and instead tried to force feed you something? As someone with an ED that flairs up every now and then that action made my skin crawl. You may have shamed her but she needs some sort of wake up call. If you hadn’t been backed into a corner you never would have said anything. So firmly N T A.

butwhoisjasmine − NTA This is why potlucks suck. I am not interested in anyone’s cat hair casserole or osmosis Jones jambalaya. Edit: even if you’d said that she was making you uncomfortable in a deadpan tone, she still would’ve been butthurt.

generalburnsthighs − NTA. Continuing to badger a coworker who has firmly declined food is rude, but not the worst thing in the world. However, 'airplane-ing' food at a coworker like they're a disobedient toddler is absolutely beyond the pale of acceptable professional behavior. You were in a lose/lose situation there, since she obviously wasn't going to stop no matter how much you asked/told her to.

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bettymoose − NTA NTA NTA. Who in the hell tries to spoon feed a co-worker?!. You repeatedly told her no, she refused to listen. Hopefully your comment has resulted in her washing her hands.

BigFatJoints − NTA. You tried to politely decline numerous times. Cheryl must be blissfully unaware of how gross her habits are, or she wouldn't be trying force you to eat her food. And to use the airplane motion like you're some kind of baby?! Your frustrated reaction was warranted. Cheryl should check her hygiene if she wants people to enjoy her food.

Kassandra8831 − Now the whole way through I’m like you could’ve handled it better. However she tried to force feed you NTA even if she wasn’t n**ty NTA. You gave a calm no before they pushed

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pinkyhc − NTA. When someone does not accept your reasonable personal boundary, you are under no obligation to be polite to them.. I would consider 'do not try to force feed me' a reasonable boundary.

compassionfever − You feel like an AH because you don't like hurting people's feelings. But she was the AH for forcing the issue. When you choose to disrespect other people, you forfeit the right to be upset at how they react.. NTA

These Redditors rallied behind the OP’s right to say no, though some wondered if a softer dodge could’ve spared the drama. But do these fiery takes capture the full flavor of the situation, or are they just stirring the pot?

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This potluck-turned-showdown reminds us that even the tastiest gatherings can leave a bitter aftertaste when boundaries are crossed. The OP’s snap judgment sparked a moment of truth, but at the cost of workplace harmony. Cheryl’s pushiness set the stage, yet the public hygiene jab stole the spotlight. Navigating such moments requires a blend of tact and assertiveness—easier said than done in the heat of the moment. What would you do if you found yourself cornered by a persistent coworker at a shared meal? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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