AITA for embarassing a woman at church?

In a quaint church bathed in soft Sunday light, a woman found herself dodging an unexpected foe: an overly enthusiastic hugger. The air, usually filled with hymns and quiet chatter, crackled with tension as this newcomer repeatedly ignored her pleas for personal space. For the original poster (OP), a self-described “not huggy huggy” person, these unwelcome bear hugs sparked frustration and a bold stand. Her story raises a question we’ve all faced: how far do you go to protect your boundaries?

The scene unfolds in a familiar setting—a cozy church where community thrives, but so do unspoken rules. OP’s discomfort wasn’t just about a hug; it was about her voice being ignored. Readers can’t help but wonder: was her loud reaction justified, or did it cross a line? Let’s dive into her tale, the Reddit buzz, and what experts say about setting boundaries.

‘AITA for embarassing a woman at church?’

First of all, let me say that I'm (Female) not a 'huggy huggy, kissy kissy' person. I don't like random people putting their hands on me. I don't even like to shake hands, because I've seen too many people picking their noses and then extend their hands for a handshake.

Most of the people there know how I feel, and they respect my boundaries, but then this situation came up. There's a new woman at church who I had never seen before. Suddenly one day, someone came up from behind me and gave me a bear hug. I jumped, and told her not to do that, because I don't like random people putting their hands on me.

She said, 'Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I just love you so much that I have to hug.' I said, 'How can you love me so much when I've never seen you before? Just don't put your hands on me.' The next week, she did it again. She came up and put a bear hug on me.

I told her that I had asked her NOT to do that and don't do it again. She said, 'Oh I'm sorry, I forgot. It won't happen again.' Well, the third week, she did it again! I pushed her off me and said, 'If you don't stop doing that, I'm going to embarrass you very badly.

I don't like it and I don't want you touching me!' Once again, the lame apologies and she goes off to bear hug someone else. The next week, I made it a point to stick close to the pastor and some of the leadership. Sure enough, up comes the serial bear hugger, who tries again to put me in a bear hug.

I shouted, 'OH MY GOD, GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!!!' She jumped back and said, 'What's wrong?' I said very sarcastically, 'I don't know where you've been!' The pastor and leadership laughed, and she went away red faced and very embarrassed. BUT.... she hasn't done it since. A couple of people at church told me it was an AH move,

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but I've told them that she was the AH because I had asked her NUMEROUS TIMES not to put her hands on me and to respect my boundaries, but she kept on doing it. I've told them that she's lucky we were in a church instead of on the street, because I would have done a lot more than just yell.. So AITA because I told her to keep her hands off me?

OP’s clash with the persistent hugger is a classic case of boundaries being tested in a communal space. Personal space is sacred, yet some, like the church’s serial hugger, see physical affection as a universal love language. The conflict here pits OP’s need for autonomy against the hugger’s insistence on “spreading love,” revealing a deeper issue: consent in everyday interactions.

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Dr. Irene S. Levine, a psychologist specializing in relationships, notes, “Respecting personal boundaries is fundamental to healthy interactions. Ignoring someone’s clear ‘no’ can feel like a violation, even if the intent is positive” (Psychology Today). In OP’s case, the hugger’s repeated actions dismissed her discomfort, escalating the situation. This isn’t just about hugs—it’s about respecting individual limits.

This scenario reflects a broader societal issue: the assumption that physical affection is always welcome. Studies show that 1 in 5 people experience discomfort with unsolicited touch (Journal of Social Psychology). The hugger’s “I forgot” excuses don’t hold up when OP clearly communicated her stance multiple times. Her frustration was valid, but was her public outburst the best approach?

Dr. Levine suggests addressing boundary violations calmly but firmly, perhaps involving a neutral party like the pastor early on. OP could have sought mediation after the second incident to avoid escalation. Still, her reaction, born of exasperation, sent a clear message. For others, setting boundaries early with polite but firm language can prevent such showdowns. If ignored, involving community leaders or documenting incidents can help (Verywell Mind).

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s take on this saga is as spicy as a potluck chili cook-off. Here’s what the community had to say, with some candid and downright fiery opinions:

jacksonlove3 − Nope NTA and she was warned!

moodyfish7777 − When I was in my early 20s I worked the opening shift at restaurant that served breakfast. Staff came in at 5am and we opened at 6am. One morning I arrived a few minutes early so I was alone and one of the vendors who was delivering goods thought it would be funny to scare me. I was ready to unlock the door when he grabbed from behind...

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I stabbed him so hard with my keys he had to under go surgery to repair internal damage to his diaphragm. What he hadn't known was their had been a series of attacks on early morning restaurant crews in the area. I refused to feel guilty about what happened because when you grab a stranger and especially a woman you deserve what ever you get!. NTA. edit a word

[Reddit User] − OMG. You lasted three times before you embarrassed her on the fourth. I would have been screaming the first time she laid hands on me. I detest being hugged by a stranger. I'm small in stature and I find it very threatening.. NTA. NTA. NTA. How dare she!

ConfuseableFraggle − Holy macaroni! NTA at all! I absolutely hate being sneaked up on, especially by a stranger. If my reflexes get the better of my self-conditioned 'freeze first then decide' response, I have been known to clock people if they startle me or touch me without warning.

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It sounds to me like that lady absolutely is a boundary-stomper and a disrespectful person overall. You gave her plenty of warning, and your boundary of not being hugged is more than reasonable. You asked, told, reminded, and warned her. There is zero reason for you to feel bad in this case.

Perhaps if you get a chance you can ask your clergy what they would like you to do if she does it again? Your solution was great, but I don't want you to have to keep dealing with her. Maybe they have some ideas how to get her to leave you alone for good?. Blessings!

MNConcerto − NTA. She needed to learn a lesson about body autonomy that should have been taught to her when she was 4 years old.. You asked, told her to stop and warned her. Maybe she learned her lesson to keep her damn hands to herself, she was close to physical a**ault in her actions.

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CakeZealousideal1820 − NTA I hate people who do this and play that stupid sorry I'm a hugger nonsense like back tf up

mustang19671967 − The truth is she is an ahole and wants to pretend. That she likes everyone and everyone likes her . I know it far fetched but if you go to the police and explain that she comes up from. Behind and you tell.

Her 4 straight weeks not to do it , that it affects your mental. State and causes you anxiety and younwant to press charges . I don’t care if she is from church it’s inappropriate behaviour . She won’t get arrested but they will. Warn her not to do it again .

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ForwardPromise9974 − NTA. You told her nicely three times, she ignored you. You gave more than adequate warning.

names-suck − NTA. My response? 'How is blatantly and repeatedly disregarding my boundaries an act of love? That is *selfishness.* That is *disrespect.* That is *immaturity.* That is *bullying.* It is absolutely *not* love, in any way. Do not pretend that touching people who have repeatedly asked you not to touch them counts as affection; it's *harassment*, and if it happens again, I will be pressing charges.'

[Reddit User] − You'd have to have been living on the moon for the last two hundred years to know that excessive touching in a church is a big no-no.

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These Reddit hot takes are bold, but do they capture the full picture? Some cheer OP’s stand, while others might wonder if a quieter approach could’ve worked. Either way, the crowd agrees: boundaries matter.

This church saga shows how quickly good intentions can sour when boundaries are ignored. The OP’s loud stand may have raised eyebrows, but it finally stopped the hugs. It’s a reminder that asserting personal space is a right, not a privilege, even in a tight-knit community. Have you ever had to push back against unwanted affection? What would you do in the OP’s shoes? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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