AITA for eating whatever I want in the house?

Imagine stumbling home at 3:30 a.m., bleary-eyed from a grueling shift, craving a quick bite from your own kitchen. The freezer door swings open, revealing a box of firecracker shrimp—jackpot! But the next morning, a snarky note on the fridge accuses you of culinary theft. This is the plight of a 51-year-old dad, caught in a domestic drama over frozen shrimp. Was he wrong to eat what he found, or is his daughter’s outrage out of line? Let’s unpack this spicy family feud.

In a bustling household of five, where groceries are a shared resource, tensions flare when a 24-year-old daughter claims dibs on unlabeled food. The dad, footing the bills, sees the fridge as fair game, but his daughter’s fiery note suggests otherwise. This Reddit tale stirs up questions of boundaries, communication, and who really owns the shrimp in a family home.

‘AITA for eating whatever I want in the house?’

I ((M51) live with my wife (49) and three kids. A Girl 24 and two boys 21, 14. I payed the mortgage, I pay the bills, I pay for groceries. My wife works band her money goes for our vacations and retirement. We are happy with this arrangement. She makes about $85,000 a year. I make more.

My daughter has a job that she got after college. My middle kid works part time while he is in school to pay for extras. All three of my kids will graduate their undergrad with no debt. I work weird hours and shifts. I am writing this at 3:30 in the morning because I just got home.

There was a note waiting for me on the fridge berating me for eating a box of firecracker shrimp I found in the freezer and made myself for supper yesterday. Apparently it was something my daughter had bought for herself. There wasn't any note on it in the freezer or anything.

This isn't the first time this has happened. But I think it will be the last time. I am thinking of talking to my wife and asking her to tell my daughter that anything in the freezer or fridge that isn't labeled is fair game. Or that she has to start paying for all of my groceries that she consumed.

Because she does not buy the basics. She eats all the groceries that my wife buys. I don't really have a problem with her living here rent free and eating my food while she saves money. I have a problem with he calling me an a**hole for eating food I found in my freezer in my house.

I should probably add that in the past I have found out that, more than once, 'food she got' actually just meant food that she added to the grocery list that I paid for and her mom shopped for.. AITA.

ADVERTISEMENT

Edit. To answer a bunch of common questions. Just spoke to my wife and and daughter. The shrimp was purchased by my wife using our budget. It was frozen shrimp not takeout. My daughter has now agreed that if there is food that SHE PURCHASES WITH HER OWN MONEY she will label it and I will not eat it. And I will make sure that the boys know as well. As for rent I still want her to save her money. Kids have it hard enough these days.

This fridge fracas is less about shrimp and more about unspoken expectations. The dad, bankrolling the household, assumes anything unlabeled is up for grabs—a fair stance when he’s footing the grocery bill. His daughter, however, feels entitled to her “special” purchases, even if they’re not marked. Her note, laced with frustration, hints at deeper tensions about autonomy in a shared home.

ADVERTISEMENT

The dad’s perspective is rooted in his role as provider. He sees the kitchen as a communal space, especially since his daughter lives rent-free. Yet her reaction suggests she craves control over her contributions, however small. Both are reasonable, but the lack of clear communication—like a simple label—turned a snack into a standoff.

This scenario reflects broader challenges in multigenerational households. A 2023 Pew Research study found 59% of young adults (18–34) live with parents, often leading to clashes over shared resources (Source). Food, a daily necessity, becomes a flashpoint when boundaries aren’t set.

Family therapist Dr. John Gottman advises, “Clear agreements prevent resentment in shared living spaces” (Source). Here, a simple rule—label personal items—could have avoided the drama. The dad’s solution to enforce labeling is spot-on, but relying on his wife to mediate risks sidestepping direct communication with his daughter.

ADVERTISEMENT

To resolve this, the family should establish a clear system: label personal food or store it separately. The dad should also initiate a calm conversation with his daughter to affirm her autonomy while reinforcing household norms.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit hive mind dished out a mix of sympathy and shade. Here’s what they had to say:

Aggravating_Chair780 − INFO Why are you incapable of having this conversation with your adult child yourself? Asking your wife to speak to her is ridiculous.

ADVERTISEMENT

GundyGalois − NTA Assuming your wife does at least some of the grocery shopping, how are you supposed to know that the shrimp was hers? Of course you have to eat food from your own kitchen. Just talk to your daughter about putting her name on something if she bought it special for herself. (I'm not clear on why you are asking your wife to do that rather than you.)

Biteme75 − NTA. I think that if there is no note on the food, you can eat whatever you find in the fridge/freezer.. Don't expect your wife to talk with your daughter; talk to her yourself.

Usrname52 − N T A if you approach it as 'Please label anything that you want to reserve especially for yourself,' which can be discussed as a house rule for anyone. But I think ESH. You claim to be fine with the arrangement...but the 'in my freezer in my house,' and specifying that it's you that pays for bills, and not your wife, definitely makes it sound like you feel entitled because you're the breadwinner.

ADVERTISEMENT

Why is it relevant that your kids arent paying for college except to basically give another reason why your money is so important. If you aren't okay with your 24 year old daughter living there rent free and not paying for groceries, that's fine. She's 24. But then don't say you are....that's the root of this.

RoseThorns96 − Not popular but ESH It was a honest mistake however your attitude about your mistake was really harsh. You could tell her to put a basket in the fridge/freezer for her stuff. Yeah she should label it but I know I wouldn’t think of labeling food where I live.

It’s weird that you couldn’t resolve this in text. It also seems like you’re looking for a reason to charge her rent. If you’re going to do it, should have told her when she started working. Doing it as a punishment is weird

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA. Either your daughter labels her food clearly or buys her own fridge/freezer.

oddpolyglot − I know you work shifts but find a way to have a conversation instead of leaving passive agressive notes for each other. NTA - your daughter is TA, but you're her parent and it's your job to educate her, albeit a few years too late.

Beautiful-Act6485 − New family rule. IF you go to the store, pick something out and pay for it with your money you can bring it home and label it with your name if it’s something special you want. Otherwise it’s fair game.

ADVERTISEMENT

Mom and dad pay? Kids have to respect it. Little sally pays she can write her name on it. If she doesn’t write her name on it...fair game. She can’t complain. NTA for eating food in your friend left to look like your wife bought it. Your house your food unless otherwise marked.

bizianka − Technically NTA, but this line 'talking to my wife and asking her to tell my daughter' is really strange. Why exactly you can't talk with your daughter and solve the issues without an intermediary?

[Reddit User] − How are you even a “family” with this whole dynamic. I’m used to hearing about this with 3 unrelated 20-something roommates.

ADVERTISEMENT

These hot takes range from practical to pointed, but do they cut to the core of this family’s dynamic? Some see the dad’s side; others smell passive-aggressive vibes all around.

This shrimp showdown serves up a reminder: even in a loving home, unclear boundaries can cook up conflict. The dad’s fridge raid was innocent, but his daughter’s note reveals a need for clearer rules. As multigenerational living becomes the norm, how do families balance generosity with personal space? What would you do if you found yourself in this culinary clash? Drop your thoughts below!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *