AITA for dropping my daughter off at daycare early so her teacher could do her hair?

In a quiet morning rush, a single dad grapples with his daughter’s wild, curly locks, a task that feels like taming a lion’s mane. With his ex-wife no longer in the picture to help, he leans on a kind daycare teacher to work her magic, dropping his daughter off early to ensure her hair shines. But when his ex catches wind of this arrangement, she brands him a slacker parent, igniting a fiery debate over duty and delegation.

This Reddit tale pulls readers into the messy, heartfelt world of co-parenting and personal growth. The father’s struggle to master his daughter’s curls clashes with his ex’s expectations, while the teacher’s generosity adds a twist of warmth. It’s a story that sparks questions about parenting, pride, and asking for help. Can a dad outsource a task without dropping the ball? Let’s dive in.

‘AITA for dropping my daughter off at daycare early so her teacher could do her hair?’

My daughter has very curly hair that my ex wife used to take care of. Now that I'm alone with her half the time, I have to figure it out. I try but on my weeks her hair was mostly a frizzy, tangled mess. A teacher at my daughter's daycare has very similar hair to my daughter's so I asked if she could help me with my daughter's hair.

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She said she could do my daughter's hair in the mornings if I dropped her off earlier (dropoff starts at 8, I usually drop her off at 8:45 but her teacher says if I drop her off by 8:20 she'll be able to take care of her hair). She gave me a list of curly hair products to buy and what to bring to school. She also gave me some tips for washing and caring for it at home.

I guess my daughter told my ex that her teacher does her hair, not me, and that she goes to daycare early now because my ex called me and asked if I really drop her off a half hour early every morning just so I could 'avoid doing her hair'. She called me a bad parent for 'relying on a teacher to do my job' .

And for messing up the morning routine so we could get to school early enough for the teacher to do her hair (we used to wake up, give her a bath, I'd attempt to do her hair, we'd have breakfast, then go to school but now we wake up, take a bath, and eat breakfast in the car). I thought I was doing right by making sure her hair is cared for on my weeks but my ex feels very strongly about this so I wanted to know if I was the a**hole.

Edit: I'm going to add some things to the post that I'm seeing in the comments. I am learning how to care for her hair. Her hair is healthier now than it was a few weeks ago. I have her hair down on the weekends because I still suck at styling it but it still looks good.

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The teacher really seems to enjoy doing her hair. I know she does other kids' hair but it's not exactly a set thing. Lastly, my ex was not willing to teach me how to do her hair when we were married and is not willing to teach me after the divorce.

Parenting is a juggling act, and for this dad, styling his daughter’s curly hair feels like dropping a ball. His decision to enlist the daycare teacher’s help—arriving early to ensure his daughter’s hair is tamed—shows initiative but stirs his ex’s anger. She sees it as shirking duty; he views it as ensuring their daughter’s confidence. Both perspectives hold weight, but the real issue lies in communication and long-term solutions.

This scenario reflects a broader challenge: navigating parental responsibilities post-divorce. A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found that 68% of co-parents struggle with aligning on child-rearing tasks, especially when skills like hair care are unevenly distributed. Here, the dad’s reliance on the teacher highlights a gap in his knowledge, not effort.

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Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, notes, “Parents don’t need to be perfect; they need to be teachable. Seeking help is a strength, but learning the skill is the goal”. The dad’s efforts to learn from the teacher are a step forward, but his ex’s refusal to guide him complicates progress.

For a sustainable fix, he should invest in tutorials—YouTube offers countless curly hair guides—or book a salon session for hands-on training. Open dialogue with his ex could also clarify expectations, reducing tension. The teacher’s kindness is a lifeline, but building his own skills ensures his daughter’s hair stays healthy long-term.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s got opinions hotter than a curling iron on this one! The community weighs in with a mix of empathy and tough love—check out their takes:

eefr − NTA. If the teacher doesn't mind doing it -- which, by the way, is very generous of her and you should get her a very nice gift for her trouble -- then I don't see why it's an issue.

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But it might be more sustainable for you to ask the teacher to train you to do your daughter's hair, because it is unlikely that future teachers will want to do this, and what will you do then? (You should compensate the teacher for her time if you do this.)

[Reddit User] − YTA.. You should have been involved in doing her hair while still with her mother to begin with.. Learn to do your kid's hair and stop relying on women to do your job as a parent.

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Lilitu9Tails − Holy weaponised incompetence. Why don’t you take your child to a salon specialising in her hair type and learn how to do it yourself, rather than offloading it to someone else because you can’t be bothered learning basic skills for your own kid. YTA for deciding learning to look after your own child is beneath you and not worth it. You need to reevaluate your priorities.

Sweeper1985 − Sorry, YTA. That teacher has enough to do without having to be a hairdresser as well. I think her advice on products and techniques was a gentle hint that *you* need to learn how to do it yourself. Step up.

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MissionRevolution306 − Weaponized Incompetence. You’re a parent, so parent instead of expecting women to do it smdh.

Sweet_Bambii − Soft YTA because I’m sure you are a fully capable of learning how to do it yourself. And as nice as the teacher is to help, it really isn’t her job.

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FlyingWithAliens − I wouldn’t say YTA, but jeeze. YouTube exists. Educate yourself and do your kids hair

ParsimoniousSalad − YTA for imposing upon the teacher's time (and making your daughter eat breakfast in the car all the time). Make an appointment at a hair salon for education. Bring the products you were already told to buy and LEARN HOW TO DO IT.

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[Reddit User] − YTA Do you think your ex wife has the knowledge of how to take care if curly hair beamed into her brain by aliens?. Or did she *learn* it?. Probably from the internet if she doesn't have curly hair herself.

If the teacher you are weaponising your incompetence with was educating you on it, you would be competent now as its not that hard. No sulphates in the hair products, only detangle when conditioner is in, sleep with hair in braids if its long enough.. Thats basically it for a 3 year old.

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[Reddit User] − YTA after reading OP’s latest replies. OP says he ‘sticks around 1-2 times a week to learn’ and is yet, despite numerous requests, to explain why it is taking so long to learn, or how much more ‘learning’ he needs to do. As another poster said, this isn’t rocket science.

The hair is already clean and brushed (apparently). All that is left to ‘learn’ is how to tie it back out of her face in a way that is neat and comfortable. No need for complex styles. If the daycare worker has already shown OP several times, he should have learned by now.

This is now weaponized incompetence. He secretly thinks a woman should do her hair and now has found one willing to do it. I think his ‘learning’ phase is going to go on for several years until his daughter can do her own her (i.e. he has passed the task to another female).

These Reddit zingers cut deep, but do they nail the real issue or just fan the flames?

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This curly hair conundrum reveals the tangled realities of co-parenting and personal growth. The dad’s daycare workaround sparked a firestorm, but it also shows his heart to get it right for his daughter. Balancing help with responsibility is no easy feat. Have you ever leaned on someone else for a parenting task? What would you do in this dad’s shoes? Drop your thoughts below!

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