AITA for donating my kids old clothes to charity instead of giving them to my ex husband for his daughter?

Divorce can leave scars, but is refusing to help your ex’s child from an affair too harsh? A woman, betrayed by her ex-husband’s infidelity, divorced him and now co-parents their two teens (13 and 15). She wants no involvement with his 5-year-old daughter from the affair, maintaining firm boundaries.

When her ex asked for their kids’ old clothes for his daughter, she donated them to Goodwill instead. He lashed out, calling her selfish and cruel, but her children supported the donation. Was she acting out of spite, or was she justified in protecting her boundaries? This story explores the tension of post-divorce resentment and responsibility toward an ex’s child, sparking a fiery online debate.

‘AITA for donating my kids old clothes to charity instead of giving them to my ex husband for his daughter?’

The woman divorced her ex after his affair, which produced a daughter.

Her ex, struggling financially, asked for the kids’ old clothes.

She donated the clothes and informed her ex.

Her ex attacked her, but her kids backed her decision.

Is refusing to help an ex’s affair child petty or justified?

The woman’s choice to donate her children’s clothes reflects a clear boundary after a painful betrayal. Dr. Susan Forward, an expert on family dynamics, notes that setting boundaries is crucial for emotional healing post-divorce, especially when dealing with an ex’s unreasonable demands (Toxic Parents, 1989). Her ex’s attempts to involve her in his daughter’s life disregard her need for distance.

However, donating the clothes after his request may appear retaliatory. Research suggests that lingering resentment can lead to passive-aggressive actions, complicating co-parenting (Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 2020). While she has no obligation to support her ex’s daughter, the decision indirectly affects an innocent child. Her ex’s verbal attacks escalate the conflict, but her actions may model resentment for her teens. Can boundaries be maintained without harming a child caught in the crossfire?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

The online community was split: some supported her boundaries, while others called her petty for targeting an innocent child.

Many backed her for refusing to support her ex’s affair child.

Some criticized her for acting out of spite, harming a child.

Some offered neutral perspectives or personal experiences.

Some saw fault on both sides, emphasizing compassion.

The community was divided: some supported her for setting boundaries, arguing she has no duty to help her ex’s affair child; others criticized her for pettiness, noting the child’s innocence. Some shared experiences of overcoming post-divorce resentment, highlighting compassion and modeling positive behavior for children.

This story highlights the struggle between self-protection and compassion post-divorce. The woman’s donation of her kids’ clothes set a firm boundary but may stem from resentment, indirectly affecting an innocent child. Her ex’s aggressive response escalates the conflict. The core issue is balancing personal healing with being a positive role model for her teens.

What would you do if your ex asked for help with their affair child? How can you maintain boundaries while showing compassion?