AITA For doing unto my husband as he does to me?

In the quiet strain of a marriage, a woman’s heart aches for recognition. For three years, her husband has skipped her birthdays, anniversaries, and Mother’s Day—not even a card—while she gifts him thoughtfully. When he demands a Father’s Day present, she laughs, refusing to give what he denies her, citing her hurt over his excuses and unkept promises.

His defensive outburst—“Fine, don’t get me anything!”—only deepens the rift. She treasures her kids’ homemade gifts, like a peanut butter jar from her 5-year-old, but craves her husband’s effort. Is her tit-for-tat refusal a fair boundary, or a petty jab at a flawed but good man? This raw tale of unmet expectations pulls readers into a marital crossroads.

‘AITA For doing unto my husband as he does to me?’

This gift-giving standoff is a mirror held to a marriage’s cracks. The OP’s refusal to gift her husband reflects years of unaddressed hurt from his failure to acknowledge her on key occasions. His excuses—forgetfulness, lack of funds—ring hollow against her modest requests, like a grilled chicken dinner or a card.

Reciprocity fuels relationships. As couples therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Small gestures of appreciation sustain emotional bonds.” The husband’s double standard—expecting gifts while giving none—breeds resentment, worsened by his defensive reaction. This reflects broader marital issues: neglect, even unintentional, erodes trust.

The OP’s stance, while sharp, signals a need for change. A calm discussion, perhaps with a counselor, could clarify expectations. If he dismisses her again, maintaining her boundary is valid. Her kids’ gifts show love needn’t cost much—her husband could learn from them.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s takes are as heated as a marital spat over forgotten holidays! Here’s what the community had to say:

These opinions flare, but do they light a path or just stoke the hurt?

This giftless drama leaves us pondering: was the OP wrong for refusing her husband gifts, or was mirroring his neglect a fair stand? Love and appreciation tangle like unwrapped ribbons. What would you do if your spouse ignored your special days? Share your thoughts and experiences below!