AITA for divorcing my husband over him being a wing-man for his brother?

How far would you go to support a sibling’s wrongdoing? A woman filed for divorce after her husband secretly acted as a “wingman” for his brother, a convicted sex offender, by messaging women, including a possible minor, on his behalf. Despite her objections, he continued, even sending money abroad, breaking her trust.

The husband’s deception and potential illegal activity pushed her to end their 8-year marriage. Social media users backed her, citing betrayal and legal risks. This story explores the clash between family loyalty and moral boundaries, questioning when enough is enough.

‘AITA for divorcing my husband over him being a wing-man for his brother?’

The story begins with the husband’s brother in prison and his belongings brought home.

Post riding- just saw a post similar and wanted to get input on my situation. But anyways, my husband's brother is in prison for the next 20 years for having...

He was just charged and convicted 2 months ago. Since that point, my husband has flown out to where his brother was living in to collect all of his belongings...

The husband’s role as a “wingman” for his brother sparks a fight.

After his brothers belongings were brought in to our home, his brother started asking him to charge his phone, log in to his Facebook and respond to all the women...

I told my husband how uncomfortable I was with this and it ended up leading up to a massive fight because even after I stated it made me uncomfortable, he...

It was mainly just him giving these women his brothers mailing address to write to him but it was so frequent that it drove me insane. He was checking that...

OP discovers her husband continued secretly, escalating her distrust.

After the fight however he stopped, so I thought. But come to find out he was just doing it when I wasn't around.

ADVERTISEMENT

Whenever he would answer his brothers phone calls, he was walking out of the room so I didn't realize he was turning on the phone and relying the messages from...

I only found out because I happened to walk out to his truck 2 weeks ago and found him on the phone with his brother, while he had his brothers...

and on a message with some girl from the Philippines and overheard them talking about how my husband had to send this girl money so she could write to him...

ADVERTISEMENT

OP files for divorce, facing criticism for her choice.

I confronted it and he doubled down and said that he felt obligated because his brother has no one and he is depressed and he is just looking out for...

So, I filed for divorce. A lot of people are saying I overreacted and that it's bizarre I'm willing to throw away an 8yr great marriage over this.

ADVERTISEMENT

But him lying to me, hiding this from me and sending some random girl money so she can write to his brother is ultimately too much for me to look...

OP clarifies uncertainties about the women’s ages and her limited knowledge.

ETA: I have no idea how old the women are. My husband supposedly doesn't either. During our argument about it I had asked him how old these women are that...

ADVERTISEMENT

I do know for a fact that one of them is underage (15) because she is a family friends daughter and we know her personally.

I'm going to assume the nature of those messages were appropriate but I have no idea, as I did not physically see any of the messages outside of the messages...

The conflict centers on a woman’s decision to divorce her husband after he secretly facilitated communication between his incarcerated brother, a convicted sex offender, and women, including a known minor. His actions, including sending money abroad and hiding them despite her objections, shattered trust. The husband’s loyalty to his brother over his wife, combined with potential legal risks, justified her choice to end the marriage.

ADVERTISEMENT

The husband’s secrecy suggests either willful ignorance or complicity in his brother’s questionable behavior, especially given the involvement of a minor. The woman’s reaction, though drastic, reflects a need to protect her integrity and safety. The husband’s dismissal of her concerns deepened the betrayal, undermining their partnership.

Psychologist Dr. Shirley Glass notes, “Deception, even with good intentions, erodes trust, making recovery difficult without accountability” (Not “Just Friends,” 2003). Here, the husband’s lack of transparency and prioritization of his brother over his wife’s comfort fueled the breakdown.

The woman should consider reporting the husband’s actions to authorities, given the potential illegality. Couples counseling could clarify if reconciliation is possible, but only with full accountability. She should seek support from a therapist to navigate the emotional fallout and rebuild confidence in her decision.

ADVERTISEMENT

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Social media users strongly supported the woman’s decision, dividing into three groups: those affirming her divorce due to betrayal, those highlighting the husband’s potential criminal liability, and a few questioning his motives while urging legal action.

Many backed the woman’s choice, citing her husband’s deception and disloyalty.

Sunflwr_Pric − NTA. He’s probably messaging little girls for his brother. There’s a reason he’s in prison.

ADVERTISEMENT

Winter-eyed − NTA. You husband is not allowed to “fly” anymore so he shouldn’t be anyone’s wingman and it was disrespectful of his brother to have even asked and disrespectful...

You know the saying, if you have to hide it, it’s cheating… well what dis he just do? Who knows what scams he’s pulling on these women and facilitating that...

Some emphasized the husband’s actions could be illegal, urging reporting.

ADVERTISEMENT

CDogNH − NTA. Your husband can go to prison too if they're underage and he's caught. He's no rocket surgeon that's for sure.

Viperbunny − NTA. Not only are you not the a__hole, what your soon to be ex is doing is likely very illegal. It is probably part of the court order...

It wouldn't surprise me if he is using his brother to do it, which is also illegal. I would report it. This isn't being a wing man. This is being...

ADVERTISEMENT

forcryingoutmeow − NTA. Filing for divorce is the bare minimum you should be doing here. Call the feds, or whoever prosecuted this child rapist and drop a dime on these...

ResurrectionScary − Your dumbass husband is going to go to jail too. He's now being the pimp of underage girls for his brother. Get the f__k out.

LadyKlepsydra − NTA. Jesus. You said at least one of those people is underage. So your soon-to-be ex-husband is partaking in illegal activity, ie helping his convicted brother keep in...

ADVERTISEMENT

butterfly-garden − NTA and your husband is a moron. Chances are pretty strong that those "women" are underage teenagers. It's just a matter of time before the FBI comes after...

koeshout − NTA If he "doesn't know" how old these women are and is contacting them for his brother who is convicted for having a relation with someone underage he's...

Regardless, he clearly has no issues with helping his pedo brother, which is more than enough reason to get out of this marriage.

ADVERTISEMENT

TheBookOfTormund − You should probably let the police know that your husband is facilitating contact with minors

A few questioned the husband’s judgment and pushed for authorities’ involvement.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA, If I had a brother and said brother turned out to be a pedo I'd no longer have a brother

[Reddit User] − NTA. The guy is a s__ offender. If my sibling was one I'd be going no contact. Instead he is helping him and possibly with a bunch...

rocketmn69 − What was his response when you filed for divorce?

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − I'd call the cops on your ex too to be honest

TruamaTheLlama − My sister is in prison and asked me to go on her fb and I said f__k no, you sit in your cell and do your time (she...

This story reveals the devastating impact of broken trust and moral misalignment in a marriage. The woman’s decision to divorce reflects her refusal to tolerate her husband’s deception and potential complicity in his brother’s illegal behavior. His secrecy and enabling of a sex offender, especially with a known minor involved, justify her exit. The situation highlights the importance of aligning values and maintaining transparency in relationships.

ADVERTISEMENT

Would you divorce a spouse for enabling a criminal sibling? Should the woman report her husband’s actions to protect potential victims, even at personal cost?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *