AITA For Ditching My Roommates After Their Surprise Baby Plan?

The air in the shared apartment felt thick with unspoken expectations, as if a storm was brewing over a simple coffee table chat. A 22-year-old college student, nestled comfortably in a four-year roommate bond with Lila and Brett, faced a curveball that rattled their cozy dynamic. When Lila announced her pregnancy, joy quickly turned to shock—she assumed their “family-like” friendship meant their roommate would embrace babysitting and bill-sharing for their new chapter.

Stunned by the couple’s bold expectations, the young tenant made a swift exit, sparking heated debates among friends. Was this a fair escape, or a betrayal of their tight-knit bond?

‘AITA For Ditching My Roommates After Their Surprise Baby Plan?’

I lived with with 2 roommates Lila(25) and Brett(27), I am 22 myself. Lila and Brett became a couple a few months after living together and we have all been living here for about 4 years now. I was living there for college and they both have jobs in the city.

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Obviously we have all grown in to close friends since. Now Lila told me her and Brett were trying for a child, they have been together for a year and a half at that point, known for two and are engaged so it makes sense. I wished them luck and assumed it meant they would soon be finding a house together or something.

So skip a few months and Lila revealed she is pregnant, I congratulated her and Brett and again we skip a few months where I ask them when they would be moving, Lila stated they would not be moving to which I responded confused saying that they should have told me so, do I could have moved out.

This shocked her and she said she wasn't expecting me to move and figured I would be like the cool aunt and help woth babysitying and the bills since we were basically 'family now'. I told her no and the day after canceled my rental agreement.

Both Brett and Lila went in to a panic as they cant afford the place on their own and they begged me to come back, and multiple friends weighed in calling me a huge a**hole by pulling this on them. I have since gotten a new place on my own and am doing great, meanwhile I heard Brett and Lila had to move in with Lila's parents and are doing terrible, so I feel pretty s**tty about it.

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Edit: Just to be clear, I paid my last month of rent, I just immediatly canceled the agreement and moved out.

Navigating roommate dynamics can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield, especially when life-altering plans like a baby enter the mix. The Reddit user’s abrupt exit after Lila and Brett’s assumptions highlights a clash of boundaries and unspoken expectations. Lila’s vision of a “cool aunt” role for their roommate was a leap, presuming financial and caregiving support without a single discussion. Meanwhile, the tenant’s quick lease cancellation, though legally sound, left the couple scrambling, revealing a communication breakdown.

This situation underscores a broader issue: the importance of clear boundaries in shared living spaces. According to a 2023 study by Apartment List, 68% of renters reported conflicts with roommates over uncommunicated expectations, often leading to lease terminations (ApartmentList.com). Here, both parties faltered—Lila and Brett for assuming, and the tenant for not initiating a dialogue about future plans.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Unspoken assumptions are the termites of relationships, silently eroding trust” (Gottman Institute, gottman.com). In this case, Lila and Brett’s presumption that their roommate would embrace a pseudo-family role ignored her autonomy. The tenant’s swift exit, while understandable, skipped a chance for open dialogue, potentially easing the couple’s transition. Gottman’s insight suggests that addressing assumptions head-on could have softened the fallout.

Advice: Open communication is key. The tenant could have proposed a timeline for moving out, giving the couple time to adjust. For Lila and Brett, discussing major life changes with roommates beforehand is essential. Future roommates should set clear boundaries early, using written agreements to avoid surprises.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, dishing out candid and spicy takes on this roommate saga. Here’s what they had to say:

Irishtemper98 − NTA. They made a decision to have a baby based on your financial and physical support without discussing it with you and getting your approval on these plans first. They are the AH's, not you. You owe them nothing other than what you have agreed to.

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You never agreed to live with them after they became a family with children and it's ridiculous that they expected you to. You have nothing to feel guilty about. They made their decisions and now how to live with the consequences of those decisions.

youknowhohoho − NTA they shouldn't be having a kid if they can't afford it. That they would expect you to babysit for free and moreover financially help them out is just plain ridiculous. Also, who the hell would want to live with a screaming newborn that's not even theirs?

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Awkward_Un1corn − NTA, who the hell plans a baby without being able to afford where they currently life? To quote my favourite saying, 'lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.' Just because they never planned to be adults when they were planning for a baby doesn't make it your problem.

Wader_Man − NTA. It’s time for them to do some non-horizontal adulting. Who raises a family with their roommate pitching in to care for and pay for the baby?

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[Reddit User] − ESH, BUT super lightly on you. This may be unpopular but, how do 3 adults go through what like 6 months of this planning pregnancy/active pregnancy without ever once having any kind of conversation about it, for that you all kind of suck.

Like seriously how was this never talked about before that, like even once? That would be my first question after hearing they were trying for a kid, I'd be like 'Cool. Do you want the apartment or can i have it?' OP you suck, only a little, for just assuming that they would move out and you would keep the place with no thought that they may want it.

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They suck a whole lot more for just assuming that they would reap the benefits of you helping with bills and childcare, that's a really f**ked up thing to assume of anyone, particularly a roommate, so good on you for bailing that fast.

jpcats − If you need your roommate to pay the rent so you can afford a place, then you are not ready to have a baby. Now they moved in with their parents.. All the proog you need. As for you, NTA. You dont want to live with a baby, you dont have to.

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Your friends should stop judging you from their high horses and throw money at the expecting couple. Obviously they care that much about Brett and Lila to give you the criticism but dont want to do anything about it.

FireEbonyashes − ESH. They suck for thinking OP would want to be living with a baby. Why wasn’t there a talk of who was moving out when the time came? Both are wrong in assuming. Usually it’s considered a courtesy to give your roommate a month notice of moving out. From my understanding a baby takes 9 months to pop out.

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You couldn’t have at least give them a month notice instead of ditching the day after? Like was she already at 9 months or something? You lived with these people for 4 years you could have at least had the courtesy to let them know and let them get their s**t together.. Edit: thanks kind stranger for my first medal. ☺️

TheLoudCanadianGirl − NTA. I feel like it was rude of them to just expect you to stay and help out with their baby and bills.. This isn’t the sister wives. You all are friends, not a little family.. Their choices as a couple are not your responsibility. Its unfortunate they had to move out, but they should have planned this better. Esp since they were actually *trying* for a child in the first place.

shady_cactus − NTA. Their family and financial planning is their thing. No need to have to be the babysitter or the cool aunt just because you've been living with them as housemates. You just did a simple, logical move, no need to feel bad about it

B4pangea − N T A “Figured I would be like the cool aunt and help with babysitting and the bills since we were basically ‘family now’”.. Whaaaat? That was a huge assumption.

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These fiery opinions light up Reddit, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the drama flames?

This tale of clashing expectations leaves us pondering: where’s the line between friendship and obligation? The Reddit user’s bold move sparked a whirlwind, but was it the only path? Clear communication could have softened the blow, yet boundaries deserve respect. What would you do if your roommates dropped a life-changing bombshell, expecting you to play along? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this conversation rolling!

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