Aita for disowning my sister for dating my assaulter?
In this post, a 32-year-old woman details the profound betrayal she feels after discovering that her sister is dating the man who assaulted her during childhood. Once a trusted confidante who comforted her in the aftermath of the trauma, her sister’s decision to align with the assaulter has shattered the bond between them.
The shock of seeing them together triggered a severe emotional reaction, leading her to make the heart-wrenching decision to disown her sister. Ultimately, the post questions whether it is justified to sever family ties when a loved one disregards and even enables a painful, abusive past.
‘Aita for disowning my sister for dating my assaulter?’
Navigating familial relationships after experiencing trauma is one of the most challenging aspects of emotional recovery. Dr. Laura Brown, a clinical psychologist specializing in trauma and interpersonal relationships, explains, “When a survivor’s support system, particularly a close family member, chooses to engage with the person responsible for the trauma, it can compound the victim’s pain and hinder the healing process. It’s a betrayal of trust that forces the survivor to re-examine every relationship in their life.”
Dr. Brown highlights that the bond between siblings is meant to provide safety and mutual support during crises. In this case, the OP’s sister initially served as a pillar of strength by offering comfort after the assault. However, by later dating the assaulter, the sister not only disrespected the OP’s lived experience but also perpetuated a harmful narrative—one that downplays the severity of abuse by suggesting that the victim is somehow at fault for the relationship dynamics.
The expert stresses that setting personal boundaries in the wake of such betrayal is crucial. “It is entirely reasonable for an individual to decide that they no longer wish to maintain a relationship with someone who has repeatedly dismissed or invalidated their trauma,” Dr. Brown adds.
She notes that disowning a family member is an extreme measure, but sometimes it becomes necessary for preserving one’s mental health and reclaiming a sense of autonomy. In cases like this, where the abusive past is interwoven with ongoing familial relationships, professional therapy and open conversations with trusted loved ones can be vital steps toward healing.
Furthermore, research in trauma recovery underscores that survivors often experience intense feelings of betrayal and isolation when their support systems fail them. The OP’s reaction, though severe, can be seen as a protective measure—a way to reclaim her own narrative and shield herself from further emotional harm. Dr. Brown emphasizes that, ultimately, no one is obligated to maintain ties with family members who invalidate their experience.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Community responses are overwhelmingly supportive of the OP. Many argue that her sister’s decision to date the assaulter is not only deeply hurtful but also a gross betrayal of the trust that once defined their relationship.
Commenters stress that by aligning herself with the perpetrator, the sister is essentially denying the OP’s painful truth. They condemn this behavior as enabling abuse and insist that the OP’s choice to distance herself is both justified and necessary for her healing. Some even urge that the truth be shared with their parents, so the entire family understands the gravity of the situation.
Ultimately, the OP’s decision to disown her sister, though incredibly painful, is a stand for self-respect and personal healing. When a person you once trusted becomes entangled with someone who caused you deep trauma, it can shatter the foundation of your relationship. While no one can dictate how family bonds should be mended or severed,
it is essential to prioritize one’s own mental health. How would you handle a situation where a loved one betrays your trust by embracing a painful past? Do you think family ties should always be preserved, or are there lines that, once crossed, demand a complete break? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
