AITA for denying my fiance’s request to pay for his brother and his wife’s IVF using my inheritance money?

Imagine the weight of grief, a daughter mourning her mother’s passing, clutching a modest inheritance that feels like a final embrace. Now picture her fiancé, once supportive, turning that tender moment into a family fundraiser. This woman, still reeling from loss, faces a shocking request: use her mother’s legacy to fund her fiancé’s brother’s IVF treatment. What should be a private decision spirals into a public shaming campaign, leaving her questioning her choice.

This Reddit tale tugs at the heartstrings, blending raw emotion with a clash of loyalty and boundaries. As the woman stands firm, her fiancé’s accusations of selfishness expose cracks in their bond. Readers are drawn into a story of love tested by family demands, asking: how far does partnership extend when grief and money collide?

‘AITA for denying my fiance’s request to pay for his brother and his wife’s IVF using my inheritance money?’

I f32 have recently inherited money from my mom. she was only parent and losing her is beyond devastating. The money can barely be called inheritance because my mom and her family didn't have much but it's better than nothing. my fiance at first said I deserved it and have the right to do whatever I wanted with it.

However, he told his whole family about and then his infertile brother and his wife pulled him aside for a conversation. After that he started talking about 'wanting/needing' a nephew/niece. basically hinting about his brother's infertility issues then flatout requested that I pay for his brother and wife's IVF treatment from my inheritence money.

I was taken aback initially but then I declined. He got mad saying I was selfish because (1) He & I are blessed to never have issues with fertility. and (2) I literally have nothing to lose if I give them money....'easy money' that I didn't work for. This upset me to the point where I lashed oit at him telling him to stop bothering and guilting me about it.

I denied the request as a final decision. but he got more agitated and went on a campaign to shame me for treating him as if he's not my future husband therefor gets say/right to my inheritance. and not giving a single crap about his family's issues.

This inheritance dispute feels like a punch to the gut, especially amidst fresh grief. The woman’s fiancé, by sharing her private financial details and pushing for IVF funding, crosses a line, turning her loss into a family entitlement debate. Her refusal isn’t selfishness—it’s self-preservation. Meanwhile, his shaming tactics reveal a troubling lack of empathy, prioritizing his family’s wants over her emotional needs.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Healthy relationships require boundaries, especially around finances. When someone dismisses your grief to push their agenda, it’s a red flag for control” (Psychology Today). Here, the fiancé’s claim that the inheritance is “easy money” trivializes the woman’s loss, ignoring its emotional weight. His family’s indirect request, bypassing her entirely, further erodes respect.

This situation reflects a broader issue: financial boundaries in relationships. A 2023 survey by Fidelity found 45% of couples argue over money, often when family expectations intrude (Fidelity). The woman’s grief complicates her decision, as spending her mother’s legacy on others feels like betraying her memory. Her fiancé’s dismissal of this pain suggests a misalignment of values.

To move forward, the woman could secure her inheritance in a solo account and seek couples counseling to address trust issues. She might also set clear boundaries with her fiancé’s family, redirecting their IVF funding requests to independent resources.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out fiery takes as bold as a family reunion showdown! Here’s what the community roared:

birdbite1319 - NTA. And please, please do not marry this man. He's showing you his true colors. Get away now.

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SagaciousSagi - NTA. You are not a bank. Your inheritance is yours. Hearing that you 'didn't work for' your mother's death should really make you consider this relationship with your fiancé.. This is the beginning of controlling behaviour. Listen to the warnings.

[Reddit User] - NTA. DONT MARRY HIM

HonestCrab7 - What the f**k. So very NTA & frankly this is a huge red flag for your relationship. ETA I’m very sorry for your loss. I’ve also experienced the loss of a parent and while it’s nice to get something for me it just made me feel sick.

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I kept a Cheque at the bottom of my bag for months before my mom made me deposit it. Any purchases feel like they need to be important and very well thought out because it’s what your parent worked for their whole life & you don’t want to waste it.. If my spouse asked me to just... give it away? As if it’s ‘free money’ I’d be livid.

Icy-Sun1216 - NTA - I can’t say this loudly enough. Please take a hard look at if this is who you want to marry, partner with and potentially raise children with. “At first he said I have the right to do whatever I wanted with it” This tells me that he thinks he needs to grant you permission to do things. HUGE red flag.

Him speaking so insensitively about your mother’s passing, nothing is “easy” about that, is another red flag. He’s dismissing your experiences completely.. Him putting his family’s needs/wants before yours - RED FLAG Even asking you to do this is over the line but shaming you for not giving in - RED FLAG. Please, please, please rethink this marriage.

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teresajs - NTA. Run.. Your fiance thought it was okay to discuss the details of your money with his family.. Your fiance's family thought it was acceptable to ask him (not even talk to you) for your money.. Your fiance thought it was okay to ask you for your money.. Your fiance turned to guilt and manipulation when you said no.These are all enormous red flags.

You're in mourning for your mother. Your fiance should be supporting you through your grief, not putting his hand out. And him trying to shame you, now, is especially awful. Don't do anything with your inheritance at all while you process your grief. Keep it in a safe account in just your name. Reconsider making any plans to marry someone who would treat you so poorly.. I'm sorry for your loss.

Ducky818 - NTA. He is showing you your future. Is this what you really want? I'd ditch him and find somebody who won't treat you this way. He doesn't 'need' a niece/nephew. He might want one but it isn't a need.

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His brother and sister-in-law need to figure out how to pay for IVF on their own. How would they intend to pay for a child? Put your inheritance money into an account somewhere that your fiancee cannot touch. Or else, it will magically disappear and his brother & his wife will be getting IVF.

devlin94 - NTA. Run, don't walk.

Country-girl-2212 - NTA. First, I can’t believe they had the nerve to ask him?? Second, I can’t believe HE had the nerve to not only ask you, but try to guilt you and be an ass about it!??

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Cupcake2die4 - NTA it is your inheritance. He doesn't get a day in how you use it. If his brother wants money for IVF so bad he can find a way to get it himself.

These Redditors sound the alarm, but do their warnings ring true? Is the fiancé’s behavior a dealbreaker, or is there room for redemption?

This woman’s stand to protect her mother’s legacy unveils a tangle of grief, loyalty, and trust. Her fiancé’s push to fund his family’s IVF dreams, at the cost of her emotional peace, raises tough questions about partnership. Should love mean sacrificing personal boundaries? How would you handle a partner who puts family demands above your grief? Drop your thoughts below and share your own stories of navigating money and family drama!

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