AITA for denying GF’s friend (28M) to live with us?

Picture a cozy apartment, buzzing with the warmth of a new chapter for a young couple—until an unexpected guest threatens to crash the party. A 27-year-old man, thrilled to share a spacious three-bedroom home with his girlfriend of three years, found himself at odds when she invited her close friend, a 28-year-old who openly disrespects him, to move in. The catch? She promised the friend a spot without even asking him, turning their haven into a battleground.

The sting of betrayal hit hard as the man stood firm, prioritizing his comfort and his nephew’s ease during frequent visits. His girlfriend’s unilateral decision sparked a fiery argument, leaving her storming off to her parents’ house. Was he wrong to guard his space, or was her bold move a step too far? Reddit’s verdict dives into this domestic drama, unraveling the messy lines of loyalty and boundaries.

‘AITA for denying GF’s friend (28M) to live with us?’

I(27M) recently started renting a nice apartment that's 3 bedrooms and 2 and a half baths. My girlfriend(26F) of 3 years moved in with me and it's been great. She does split the rent and the cooking/cleaning. My nephew frequently stays with us as the apartment is closer to his school.

ADVERTISEMENT

My girlfriend is very close to one friend(28M). He does not like me at all. I've tried to be nice to him, but stopped when he told my girlfriend at a dinner party she could do a lot better than me. She laughed it off and told him to knock it off. Some of her friends think he has a crush on her.

She's made it clear she only likes him as a friend. Onto the issue, the same friend recently got evicted from his apartment because he was having trouble paying the rent on time. He has been living with friends and family since. I got home from a long shift and my girlfriend was showing the apartment around to her friend group.

When the friends left, she wanted to speak to me. We sat down and she asked if it would be okay if her friend could move into the 3rd bedroom. I thought about it and told her no. She then proceeded to tell me that she already told him it was okay.

That started a huge argument between the two of us and she left to stay with her parents. My stand on it is that her friend does not like me, is not offering to pay any rent and I don't want to make my nephew uncomfortable when he stays with us.. AITA for denying my girlfriend's friend to live with us?.

ADVERTISEMENT

Edit: I removed the cop part of my post. It was unnecessary. Edit 2: For those asking about the apartment, I put the deposit down and it's under my name. I am renting it currently and we agreed on a fair amount for her to pay each month. It's fairly close to about 50/50. I pay a little more since her job cut back on her hours.

Inviting a new roommate into a shared home can feel like tossing a grenade into a cozy nest. The man’s refusal to let his girlfriend’s friend move in highlights a clash of boundaries and respect. He values his home as a sanctuary, especially for his nephew’s comfort, while his girlfriend’s decision to bypass him suggests a lack of mutual consideration. Her friend’s open hostility only fuels the fire, making cohabitation a risky bet.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes, “Trust is built in very small moments, when partners turn toward each other’s bids for connection” . Here, the girlfriend’s unilateral promise to her friend betrayed that trust, sidelining her partner’s voice. The man’s hurt is valid—living with someone who disrespects him could erode his sense of safety.

ADVERTISEMENT

This scenario reflects broader issues in relationships: communication and mutual decision-making. A 2022 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 73% of couples cited poor communication as a key conflict driver . The girlfriend’s assumption of control over the apartment, despite not being on the lease, underscores this gap. Her friend’s financial instability and rudeness further complicate the dynamic.

To move forward, the couple needed open dialogue. The man could have calmly reiterated his concerns, focusing on their shared commitment. However, the update reveals a deeper breach—evidence of infidelity confirmed his instincts. Ending the relationship was a bold step to reclaim his peace. Couples facing similar issues should prioritize transparent discussions and set clear boundaries before inviting others into their space.

ADVERTISEMENT

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and suspicion with a side of wit. Here’s what the community had to say:

crawledtothemoon − NTA, but your gf is. She's seriously inviting someone who clearly dislikes you (and disrespected you with that comment at the dinner party) to live rent free in an apartment *you* own without even speaking to you?? YIKES. There are loads of red flags here,

ADVERTISEMENT

but what bothers me most is her inviting him to live with you without your knowledge and then leaving you after an argument that should have been a mature discussion between you both about finding a ~~freeloader~~ roommate for the third BR. At best, she likes the attention this 'friend' gives her; at worst... well you already know. NTA OP and don't let this guy move in when he already doesn't respect you.

[Reddit User] − NTA Red flag. Moving in ANYONE is a huge thing, let alone a hostile dude who is romantically interested in her. Andwho is she to tell him okay? Not her place.

ADVERTISEMENT

JeepersCreepers74 − NTA. Your GF was wrong to (1) not consider how uncomfortable it would be for you to live with someone you don't get along with, (2) not ask you first, and (3) not give any deference to the fact that you own the apartment and she just rents. If he moved in, it would only end badly--better to have the argument now.. Finally, LOL at a homeless guy telling your GF she can 'do better' than you.

lihzee − NTA. She obviously should have spoken to you before telling him it was okay, and it's understandable why you wouldn't want a guy who openly dislikes you to live in your home.

ADVERTISEMENT

Oranges007 − Absolutely-freakin-NTA What made your girlfriend think it was ok to just invite someone else, that insults and disrespect you, to live in your house? WTF!. The two of them can move in together so she won't have to worry about this 'friend' so much.

TriZARAtops − NTA. To be clear, your girlfriend isn’t the a**hole for asking, she’s the a**hole for telling him that it was okay *before* she’d even talked to you about it. You are not and never could be the a**hole for not wanting to live with someone, especially someone who doesn’t even like you, let alone someone who has actively said things to try to sabotage your relationship.

ADVERTISEMENT

And that’s ignoring his financial issues. I’d draw my line in the sand on this issue, OP. If she wants to live with him so bad, she can, just not at your place. All residents need to agree before adding a new one, and you don’t. End of discussion.

ElOneElOnlyElZorro − NTA dude red flags. Honestly my dude, they can be doing things behind your back.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA, in fact both girlfriend and friend sound despicable, why do you put up with this bs...

mrschia − NTA - your girlfriend may live with you now but I’m assuming you didn’t add her name to the lease/deed so you are still the only one on the hook. He also does not like you and has said rude things about you. Absolutely not an ideal roommate situation. Your gf is TA here. She told him he could move in before even talking to you. She is in the wrong here, not you.

ADVERTISEMENT

Average_Student1257 − Here is the update that got removed: I apologize for not giving an update sooner, I did not forget though! Many, many users suggested breaking up with my EX-girlfriend and that she was messing around with her friend. Well, I am here to tell you that you were all right.

I took her out for dinner to discuss where to go with our relationship. She spent most of the dinner attacking and accusing me of not being nice to her friend and not allowing him to live in the apartment. I told her that I did put in effort into being nice to him, but was done when he told her that she could do a lot better.

I also told her that it hurt not having her supporting/backing me up when he would make rude comments. My friends absolutely loved her and if one said anything out of line, I would have her back. By the time dinner had arrived, I knew there was more going on between the two of them.

I finished my dinner, told her that we were over and I was not going to be manipulated any further. She gave me her key and I told her that she could come back on the weekend to pick up her belongings. She was crying hysterically and begging me to take her back. I made sure that she got to her car okay and we parted ways.

ADVERTISEMENT

Some of her friends texted me asking for details of what happened. I gave them all a short response summing everything up. One friend sent pictures of them together along with a few of them kissing at a party. Ex has only been in contact with me about her stuff. I feel so much better breaking up with her and not having to be around that friend anymore. Thank you everyone!

From calling out red flags to cheering the man’s stand, these takes are as bold as they are varied. But do these keyboard warriors nail the truth, or are they just fanning the flames of drama?

ADVERTISEMENT

This tale of clashing boundaries and broken trust leaves us pondering: where’s the line between helping a friend and respecting your partner? The man’s stand to protect his home—and his nephew’s comfort—cost him his relationship, but it also uncovered a deeper betrayal. As the dust settles, his story asks us to weigh loyalty, respect, and personal space. What would you do if your partner invited an unwelcome guest into your home? Share your thoughts—how do you navigate tricky roommate decisions in your relationships?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *