AITA for demanding my friend pay me back for her daughters plane ticket today?

In the glow of vacation planning, a woman envisioned a sunny escape to Hawaii with her child, only for a friend to join with her kids in tow. A deal was struck—she’d cover half the plane ticket for her friend’s 17-year-old daughter, expecting a night of babysitting in return. But days before takeoff, the teen backed out, citing school, leaving the woman out hundreds of dollars. Her demand for repayment ignited a firestorm, straining a once-easy friendship.

This tale of broken agreements and financial friction pulls readers into a relatable mess. The woman’s frustration, tinged with betrayal, clashes with her friend’s defensiveness, exposing the hidden costs of group trips. It’s a story of good intentions unraveling, where trust frays under the weight of unspoken expectations and last-minute changes.

‘AITA for demanding my friend pay me back for her daughters plane ticket today?’

Editing to add since I spoke with our friend group and it shed light on why they felt the way they did. I was not aware our friend was having financial issues with the trip because she never said anything to me about it.

More so she was hiding it because last week she had to borrow $900 for the cost of the hotel which means she not only didn’t have her portion but she spent some of my portion too since we split it and paid $650 each. I sent her my half in February because I wanted my full trip to be paid for so I wouldn’t have to think about it.

She also came up with the plan of me paying half for her daughter because she wouldn’t have been able to afford the full cost of the flight. Mind you this is a trip she asked to be apart of because I said I was taking my kid to Hawaii this year as a vacation initially I had no intention on traveling with anyone else and she did not have to go especially if it was going to put financial stress on her.

That being known now it did look to them like I was ignoring that she was struggling and expecting the other half of the money. I pointed out that the daughter could work off the ticket cost by letting my dog out when I’m working.

As for her reasoning to not wanting to go her boyfriend’s parents are also out of town the same week so she is planning to spend time with him alone the school excuse is what she came up with because she thought her mom would be more sympathetic towards it.

Needless to say I’ve booked my own hotel and will likely only see her during the flight which may be awkward because we’re sitting near each other. I’ve decided I’m distancing myself from her and taking this as a lesson about group trips.

She’s likely going to get a flight voucher for her daughter’s ticket and I’m out for the portion that I paid for the flight. I don’t expect her to make up for the hotel since this is something I’ve chosen to do myself. My friend group has apologized for jumping to conclusions without knowing the facts and several have urged her to cancel her trip.

Throw away because my main page has a lot of my friends on it. My friend and I planned a trip in November to Hawaii with our younger kids. Initially we asked her oldest daughter who is 17 if she wanted to go, but she said no.

Fast forward to February when we decided to buy the plane tickets, we asked her daughter again, and she said she would like to go. My friend asked if I could pay for half of her ticket, and I agreed since the daughter said she’d babysit for one night so we could go out alone.

Our trip is in 4 days, and today her daughter said she no longer wants to go because she doesn’t want to miss school. When I heard this, I asked for my half of her ticket cost back since she’s no longer going, and the reason I paid was for the night out.

Now my friend is upset, saying I shouldn’t expect to get anything back. I explained that if she chooses not to go, that’s fine, it’s her choice but I do expect to get back the money I paid for her trip.

A lot of people are calling me the ah, saying I should be more understanding. Honestly, I would have been if this had been discussed earlier and if we hadn’t asked her before buying the tickets if she wanted to go. So reddit I know you’re super honest aita in this situation?

Money disputes can unravel even the tightest friendships, and this woman’s clash over a plane ticket is a textbook case. Dr. Irene S. Levine, a friendship expert, notes, “Unclear financial agreements are a leading cause of friendship breakdowns”. The woman’s agreement to pay half the ticket hinged on a specific exchange—babysitting—that never materialized. Her friend’s refusal to repay, especially amid hidden financial struggles, breached trust.

The friend’s failure to disclose her money woes earlier, coupled with using the woman’s hotel payment, points to poor communication, a common issue in group travel. Studies show 25% of friendships face conflicts over money, per a 2023 survey. This situation reflects a broader challenge: navigating shared expenses without clear boundaries. Dr. Levine advises upfront agreements and transparency to avoid resentment.

The woman’s pivot to booking her own hotel and distancing herself is a pragmatic step to protect her peace. Offering the daughter a chance to work off the debt, like pet-sitting, was a fair compromise. Moving forward, she might avoid group trips or set strict financial terms upfront, preserving both her wallet and her relationships.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users firmly backed the woman, viewing her demand for repayment as justified given the daughter’s last-minute withdrawal. Many criticized the friend’s expectation that the woman absorb the cost, especially since the babysitting deal fell through.

Some questioned the friend’s financial transparency, pointing out her use of the woman’s hotel funds and failure to communicate struggles. The consensus highlighted the importance of honoring agreements and condemned the friend’s defensive stance as unfair.

TeenySod − NTA 17 is not too young to understand that when you make a commitment, you stick to it (barring actual emergencies of course, which it doesn't sound like this is). You don't say how long you were going for: even if just a weekend then a trip to Hawaii for half price with only one night's babysitting sounds like a very reasonable deal.

How do 'a lot of other people' even know what's happened in what should have been a private transaction between you and your friend? I expect it was because your friend or her daughter told them. To be honest, I'd be reconsidering the trip, and possibly the entire friendship given what appears to be bullying over your perfectly reasonable request.

[Reddit User] − What kind of a 17 year old would rather go to school than go to Hawaii?

Miakki − NTA. Your friend is the AH for expecting you to be out of pocket for her own child's indecision in going on the vacation in the first place.. Also, she asked you to pay for half the ticket, in EXCHANGE FOR her daughter babysitting your kids for a night out.

Her daughter has failed to provide the exchange, and therefore the mother or the daughter now has to return the money.. Friends ain't friends if they're happy to rip off their mates... Nu-uh-UH..

Username7099 − NTA. I want to know: who booked the tickets? Is there any refund option?. How is the friend acting about the whole thing? Are they being weird?

UarNotMe − NTA — it seems obvious. Who (besides your friend who doesn’t want to repay you) is telling you you’re an ah and why?

Charming-Industry-86 − Understanding of what?! She's not going you need your money back. There's nothing AH about it! Mom is whole plus your money! Why did the mom want you to pay half anyway? That was pretty ballsy in the first place and now she doesn't want to give it back? Seriously NTA.

Sheera_Power − What the hell is wrong with these people be more understanding! First she says no then she says yes and her mother asked if you could pay for half the ticket so you agreed. Then she says no and you should get your half of the ticket back end of story.

But do you really want to go on a vacation with this woman? Because if she doesn’t pay you from now until you go, there’s gonna be resentment coming from you. If she’s gonna make a big deal out of it and not pay you, I would cancel the whole thing.

Vividcharmm − nah u not wrong for asking, like u paid w a clear agreement and now she backing out?? she def owes u that money back, this ain’t on u.

PandaUsedChill − NTA - if it were a medical situation or something comparable, then sure, you might be or at least your timing would not be good, but from what youre telling its just a matter of her not wanting to go. Scrap the Ticket from the Equation, you paid for a sitter for one night, sitter doesnt come and you want your money back, obviously

DrMichelle- − I don’t see why you had to pay for 1/2 her trip in the first place. Surely 1/2 the cost of a plane ticket is way more than 1/2 the cost of a couple of hours of babysitting. Also, there’s no reason she should need to be paid to watch a couple of kids that (include her siblings) when she’s being treated to a trip to Hawaii.

She should have been happy to help out for one evening. No offense, but she sounds like a brat, and your friend should be teaching her how to act respectful. Also she’s 17, why does she get to make these unilateral decisions? It’s truly bizarre that your friend would think you should pay anything for her daughter. If it was me I wouldn’t go with her at all.

This Hawaii trip fiasco reveals the perils of murky financial deals among friends. The woman’s push for repayment, though divisive, stemmed from a broken promise, leaving her to navigate betrayal and loss. Her choice to go solo signals a hard-won lesson in setting boundaries.

It’s a reminder that trust in friendships hinges on clear communication. Share your experiences below—how do you handle money disputes with friends, and what lessons have you learned from group trips?

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