AITA For Demanding a Room for My Son, Ignoring My Pregnant Wife’s Wishes?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A soft glow from the morning sun spilled into the cozy kitchen where Mark, 38, sipped his coffee, his brow furrowed. His 19-year-old son, Jake, hadn’t stayed over in years, not since financial woes forced Mark and his wife, Emily, into a cramped one-bedroom apartment. Now, with a new three-bedroom home on the horizon and Emily pregnant, a storm was brewing. Mark dreamed of a room for Jake, a gamer struggling financially, but Emily envisioned a guest space for her sisters. The tension was palpable, threatening their fresh start.

This wasn’t just about a bedroom—it was about family, loyalty, and blending two lives under one roof. Mark felt torn, wanting Jake to always have a home, while Emily, nearing childbirth, craved control over her space. Their argument escalated, harsh words flying like sparks, each calling the other unreasonable. Could they find a middle ground, or would this divide tear at their growing family? Let’s dive into Mark’s Reddit post and the community’s take on this heated dilemma.

‘AITA For Demanding a Room for My Son, Ignoring My Pregnant Wife’s Wishes?’

My son is 19 and lives with his mom. I hang out with him a lot but since he turned 17-18 he stopped staying over at my and my wife’s place since there’s only 1 bedroom after we had to downsize due to financial loss. I’m 38, my wife is 33. We are now on our feet and are about to purchase a home with 3 bedrooms.

My wife is pregnant, I had my son young so that explains the huge age gap, and we obviously want bedroom 2 to be for baby. I wanted bedroom 3 to be for my son, she wants bedroom 3 to be a guest bedroom for when her sisters etc come to visit.

Now the huge argument is my son is likely to want to stay pretty much often with us since he’s not financially on his feet. I have 0 issue with that but my wife is absolutely fuming and hates the idea. She is telling me he’s a grown adult and he should *not* have a bedroom here especially because he is a gamer and an old complaint is he’s not tidy enough for her.

I told her she was being difficult and he’s my son, I want him to always have a place in my home, she’s saying that she’s not saying he doesn’t have a place, but rather he doesn’t have an excuse for free room and board. She said I was being an a**hole, I said I thought she was being the same.

UPDATE: my sincerest thank you’s to everybody who took the time out to call me the a**hole. I actually am. I shouldn’t be stressing my wife out further especially because she is about to give birth. I was emotional when I wrote this post, and after a certain legends passing (RIP) and some deep reflective moments about life/ parenthood, both of us realize there’s a lot more to life than this.

My goal in life is to be a good father and husband. We will have a family meeting and hopefully come to a conclusion. Someone pm’d me that I could financially help my son with rent for his own apartment. That’s one idea. Certainly would help decrease the stress on my wife.. I honestly want to thank everybody. I have so much learning and growing up to do still.

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This family feud over a spare bedroom reveals the tricky dance of blending families. Mark’s push for his son’s space clashes with Emily’s need for a comfortable home during a vulnerable time. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Conflict in blended families often stems from unclear boundaries and differing priorities” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, Mark prioritizes his son’s stability, while Emily guards her sense of control as she prepares for motherhood.

Mark’s son, Jake, at 19, is navigating the shaky bridge to adulthood. Financial struggles and an unstable home with his mom make Mark’s home a potential haven. Yet, Emily’s frustration is valid—Jake’s messiness and their strained relationship add stress to her already taxing pregnancy. Stepfamily dynamics are complex; a 2023 study found 40% of stepparents report tension with stepchildren due to differing expectations (source: Stepfamily Foundation). Emily’s desire for a guest room reflects her need for family support post-birth.

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Dr. Gottman’s advice emphasizes communication: “Open dialogue and mutual respect are key to navigating stepfamily challenges.” Mark and Emily must address Jake’s behavior—his messiness and lack of contribution fuel Emily’s resistance. A family meeting, as Mark suggests in his update, could set clear rules, like Jake helping with chores. Compromising by using the room for both Jake and guests when he’s not there could ease tensions. Mark’s idea to help Jake with rent also shows promise, reducing Emily’s burden while supporting his son.

Ultimately, this isn’t just about a room—it’s about respect and balance. Mark should ensure Jake respects Emily’s space, while Emily might consider small steps to welcome Jake. Setting boundaries, like chore schedules, can make the home a shared sanctuary. Both need to prioritize their growing family, ensuring the new baby and Jake both feel valued.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back—here’s the tea, served with a side of wit! From staunch supporters to sharp critics, the community weighed in:

DHAN150 − NTA. Yeah he’s an adult but 19 is still a kid in my mind. Maybe a compromise to set up the room in such a way that it can be used by him as well as guests when he’s not there?

HinokasBow − NTA he’s your son! Your children should always come first. She’s being unreasonable he should always feel welcome in your home. She’s being an ass by rejecting him so much.

Aylajandro − Gonna go against the grain, YTA. Sort of. You're getting a lot of support for your side, buuuut... if you want her to be comfortable with sharing HER home with him, he needs to do more to address his past and current disrespect of her. Seriously, I think you need to have more empathy for your wife here.

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From how you describe him I wouldn't want to invite him into my space at such a vulnerable time either. She absolutely needs to feel safe and like her home is her own. That said, you came into the relationship with a kid, and it's your space too. I get wanting to provide familial support for your child when he clearly needs it.

This needs to be a three way conversation, and he needs to realize that actions have consequences and he needs to work to fix their relationship, it's not all on her. In your comments you admit she's kind to him, and he gives her nothing back.

Why is that ok with you?Also, not for nothing OP, but how often did YOU clean up after him? He's not entitled to come into her space and expect to ignore your wife while leaving messes for her to clean up.. He needs to treat her better.

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[Reddit User] − INFO: are you going to place down rules that don’t include you having to nag him to clean? And that doesn’t just mean cleaning his own room but chipping in for yard work, washing the dishes, cleaning the living room, etc? It would be entirely unfair to toss a grown man into the situation that your wife would have to constantly clean up after.

blacksteel15 − NTA. When you marry someone with kids, it means being willing to help care for them. I understand your wife's position, but realistically 19 is still a kid and most people that age and without further education/skills can't get a job that pays enough to support themselves.

Especially since you mentioned that he's on a poor-paying apprenticeship track and his current home situation isn't very stable. I'm sure it would be nice for your wife to have somewhere for her family to stay when they come to visit, but that shouldn't overrule your son's consistent need, especially since it should only be for a few years.. I would look at a compromise along the following lines:.

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He can stay until his apprenticeship is over (assuming from that point he'd be making okay money). He's an adult and isn't entitled to room and board, so living with you means respecting some ground rules, including your wife's concerns. He's expected to contribute somewhat to finances (this may seem s**tty when he's not making much but will help him budget when he's on his own)

knifewrenchhh − NTA, but I feel like there’s a compromise here that neither of you has bothered to look for yet. If your son doesn’t live with you full time, then that room can serve as both his bedroom and a guest room with minimal problems. You two just need to decide on what the plan is for when there are visitors while your son is with you, and then make your son aware of it.

Pretty_Green_Feather − ESH/NAH on first read of this I was firmly on your side but there’s a lot in your comments that is crucial to the decision. 1. Your son and wife do not have a good relationship and from what you’ve said, that is due to his actions and not hers. Why should she be made to share her home with someone who is rude to her?

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2. She is imminently about to give birth after a very hard (harder than normal) pregnancy. This is also her first child. She has enough on her plate with that, needing to figure out parenting, breastfeeding etc etc without having another reason to be stressed or feel self conscious in her own home.

3. Your son is messy and doesn’t chip in at home. A baby creates enough chaos, let alone another adult taking up space, making a mess and not pulling their weight. Look I empathise with you. In a perfect world, everyone would get along, he could move in and it’d all be perfect.

But that’s not the case; your wife is a higher priority right now, and as much as it sucks, of course her newborn child matters more to her than he adult stepson who has frequently been an ass to her. I’d say drop this for the moment. Let her have the baby and let things settle down then broach it again. But you need to be harder on your son and make it clear he cannot be a d**k to your wife and he has to pull his weight

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EvasiveFriend − I think that unless he's living there full-time, it should just be a guest room that he frequents. He probably shouldn't move his furniture in. I know that you want to make sure he feels comfortable and that there's a space for him,

but he's getting older and probably won't be around much. I think you three should get together and talk about it. He may want to move into his own place soon or have other plans for his future. NAH

Timeslip8888 − You waited till your wife was pregnant and about to buy a house with you to spring this on her? YTA. It would be different if the son was a kid. But he's an adult with other options. If she's not on board and you force it, you're all in for a bad time.

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JenningsWigService − NAH It's fair to want to make a place for your son. (I'm actually surprised that there aren't more comments here demanding that he pay rent and pull himself up by his bootstraps.) I think your wife's relationship with your son is broken, and that's the bigger issue than wanting a guest bedroom without a gaming chair. He is 19 and doesn't pick up after himself.

Does he contribute at all to chores? Cooking? Cleaning? Yardwork? Could it be that your wife simply knows that with the added stress of a new baby, she won't have the patience to clean up after your adult son while he plays video games? If she felt respected by your son and trusted that he would follow house rules I have no doubt that she would be glad to give him that room.

These hot takes from Reddit range from fiery defenses to cold, hard truths. But do they really capture the full picture of Mark and Emily’s dilemma?

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Mark and Emily’s clash is a classic tale of family ties tangled in new beginnings. Mark’s heart aches for his son, while Emily’s guarding her peace as motherhood looms. Their update hints at growth—Mark’s reflection and openness to solutions like helping Jake with rent show hope. Blended families are a puzzle, but with communication, they might just fit the pieces together. What would you do in their shoes? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar family tug-of-war?

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