AITA for defending my fiancée when my sister yelled at her for wearing perfume around her infant baby?

A wedding’s glow dimmed as a family feud flared over an unexpected culprit: perfume. At a cousin’s reception, one woman’s signature scent and shimmering lotion became the spark for a sister’s sharp words, leaving a man caught between loyalty to his fiancée and family pressure. The air was thick with tension, not just fragrance, as entitled demands collided with personal boundaries. Readers can’t help but wonder: is a spritz of perfume worth a family rift, or is something deeper at play?

The story unfolds with a Redditor standing firm for his fiancée, whose choice to dazzle at the event clashed with his sister’s expectations of baby-friendly care. This tale of scents and sensibilities pulls us into a web of family dynamics, where entitlement and responsibility battle under the guise of a seemingly trivial complaint.

‘AITA for defending my fiancée when my sister yelled at her for wearing perfume around her infant baby?’

My sister has an attitude that everyone should cater to her the entire time. She doesn't know what boundaries mean and just ignores any complaint we'll make regarding her behavior. Whenever she visits me and my fiancée or our parents she'll just dump her kids to everyone else and sit around with no responsibility.

One time she was mad that my fiancée couldn't babysit for her kids because my sister wanted to go to a bachelorette party but it was also my fiancées birthday so she of course didn't want to stay inside watching someone else's kids on her bday. Now my sister gave birth to another baby.

The baby is 1.5 months old. On Saturday we had to attend my cousins wedding. My fiancée wore her usual perfume. On the reception my sister tried to dump the baby on my fiancée again but she didn't do so because she smelled my fiancé's perfume.

She then got mad that my fiancée wore perfume and said something like 'You knew you'd be around a baby and you're wearing a heavy perfume like that?' my fiancée told her it's a wedding, she's allowed to wear perfume. She then noticed my fiancé also has a body glitter lotion on and my sister got even more mad.

She called my fiancée insensitive for wearing perfume and body glitter knowing she'd have to interact with the baby at some point. I told my sister that maybe she should stop trying to dump her kids onto other people, in this case my fiancée and if other people's scents and lotions bother her so much she should care for her own kids for once.

My parents called me insensitive for saying that to my sister and how being a mom is not easy and I was really hard on her. They also said I'm TA for defending my fiancée like that just for wearing perfume and lotion and how it's not that difficult to skip perfume and lotion so you can help someone else when they need to and they called us disrespectful to my sister's needs and the baby.

Family gatherings can turn into battlegrounds when unspoken expectations meet personal choices. The Redditor’s story highlights a clash of boundaries, where a sister’s entitlement to free childcare collides with a fiancée’s right to self-expression. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Respecting individual autonomy within family systems is crucial for healthy dynamics” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the sister’s assumption that others must adapt to her baby’s needs dismisses the fiancée’s autonomy.

This incident reflects a broader issue: the societal expectation that women, like the fiancée, should prioritize others’ needs over their own. A 2022 study from Pew Research shows 60% of women feel pressured to take on caregiving roles, even in non-parental contexts (source: Pew Research). The sister’s anger at the fiancée’s perfume choice stems from this norm, assuming childcare is a default duty.

Gottman’s perspective suggests the Redditor’s defense was a stand for mutual respect. The sister’s pattern of “dumping” her kids points to entitlement, enabled by parents who excuse her behavior. For the fiancée, skipping perfume might seem simple, but it’s a slippery slope to erasing personal identity for others’ convenience.

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To navigate this, the Redditor could set firm boundaries, calmly stating that childcare isn’t their responsibility. Open dialogue, as Gottman advises, could help the sister recognize her overreach.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, serving up humor and hard truths. From snarky quips about stocking up on perfume to dodge babysitting, to sharp calls for the sister to parent her own kids, the comments are a riot of candor. Here’s what they said:

JeepersCreepers74 − NTA, and I'm guessing perfume sales amongst your immediate family within earshot of this conversation just doubled.

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OrangeCubit − NTA - and now everyone knows to slather on the lotions and perfumes to get out of the forced babysitting!

AspiringCrone − NTA. Looks like the perfume & glitter are an effective mooch-repellent.

Diligent_Hat_51 − NTA. Firstly, your fiance did nothing wrong. Secondly, so you should defend your fiance if any of your family come for her! Sounds like your parents understand your sisters needs perfectly, so she now has two new babysitters at her disposal who agree with her no lotion or perfume rules. Perfect!

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coloradogrown85 − NTA- it was a wedding, and your fiancee isn't your sister's default babysitter especially at an event. To that end, remind your parents of that simple fact. She's your fiancee and you wil always defend her when people are being rude to her. Your sister's needs regarding care for her children is 100% on her, not on you or your fiancee. The fact that your parents feel differently is disprespecful of them.

[Reddit User] − NTA What total BS!!! So someone should not wear perfume or lotion JUST IN CASE someone needs help with a baby? Again, what total BS! These are your sister's kids. She needs to stop dumping them on other people. The world does not revolve around her and your parents need to stop enabling her. If your parents are so concerned, let THEM take care of her kids. They are not YOUR responsibility nor your fiancée's. Your sister sounds o**ous.

ScarlettSparrow − Nta. And it sounds like its time to take advantage of that buy 3 get 2 free deal Bath and Body Works always has

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Laneldeth − NTA,. Buy your fiancee more perfume and body glitter. Heck treat yourself to some too.

Candid-Ad-3694 − NTA I see why your sister acts entitled.

embopbopbopdoowop − NTA. Curious: does she ever dump the baby on you? Or is this misogyny as well as entitlement?

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These Reddit hot takes are spicy, but do they cut through the family drama or just add more glitter to the mess?

This wedding-day dust-up over perfume reveals more than a scent sensitivity—it’s a clash of boundaries and expectations. The Redditor’s stand for his fiancée shines as a lesson in loyalty, but the family’s pushback shows how hard it is to break entitled patterns. What would you do if you were caught between family demands and personal freedom? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar family feud, and how did you handle it?

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