AITA for deciding to exclude my son from the family trip because of my his bad behavior?

The living room was quiet, save for the faint hum of the fridge, when she heard the news that shattered her image of her son. A mother, 42, stood frozen, grappling with the revelation that her 14-year-old had veered into a world of vandalism, arson, and cruelty. What began as a cherished tradition—a yearly family trip decided by a gleeful wheel spin—morphed into a painful standoff. Her son’s defiance, coupled with his stinging words, left her questioning her role as a parent.

This story isn’t just about a canceled vacation; it’s a raw glimpse into the chaos of raising a teenager who’s spiraling. Readers can’t help but feel the mother’s heartbreak and wonder: where did things go wrong? As the tension unfolds, the dilemma pulls us in, urging us to weigh the line between discipline and understanding.

‘AITA for deciding to exclude my son from the family trip because of my his bad behavior?’

I, F42, got into a huge argument with my son, M14. We take a family trip every year and spin a wheel deciding where us two go. He would always be so giddy and happy about our ‘tradition’. But, this year, I found out that he had vandalized property, BURNED some kid’s backpack, and bullied multiple people for ‘entertainment’.

I have never, and I mean NEVER seen this side of him. He acted so rebellious and angry when he had come home. I was shocked, I didn’t raise him to become a complete and utter a**hole. When I asked him why he did those things, he said because nobody could stop him. He stated that I’m too much of a pushover to do anything about it. I was infuriated.

This behavior was not okay in my household. I grounded him for a month as well as deciding to take away the family trip from him. It sounds childish, but I think it had to be done. He found out and he full on yelled at me. He talked about how I wasn’t a good mother, how I’m a bad influence, how he wished I left instead of his father.

This seriously stung and seeing how he reacted I think I might’ve taken it too far. I’m questioning what’s going on at school and why I had never been informed of this beforehand. But, honestly, as his only parent I have no idea if I’m right or wrong. He is currently staying at a friend’s house and refuses to contact me. AITA, but more importantly, what should I do?

Edit: I have informed my other family members and we are no longer going. I have found online and in person therapy. As for my son being at his friend’s house… their mother is happy to oblige in dropping him off. If he isn’t home by tonight, I will go to the police and forcefully bring him back. His Grandfather is also coming to visit, hopefully things will be resolved.

Parenting a rebellious teenager can feel like navigating a storm without a map. The mother’s decision to cancel the family trip reflects a desperate attempt to set boundaries, but her son’s extreme behavior signals deeper issues. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family psychologist, “Adolescents often test limits to assert independence, but persistent aggression may point to emotional distress or environmental triggers.”

The son’s actions—vandalism, arson, and bullying—suggest more than typical teenage rebellion. His claim that “nobody could stop him” hints at a need for control, possibly stemming from unresolved issues, like his father’s absence. The mother’s shock at being unaware of his school behavior underscores a communication gap, potentially with the school or within the family. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association notes that 15% of teens exhibit conduct issues linked to unaddressed emotional needs.

Dr. Gottman advises parents to combine firm boundaries with empathy. The mother’s grounding and trip cancellation are valid consequences, but she should also seek professional help. Therapy can uncover triggers, like peer influence or trauma, and rebuild trust. She’s already taken steps by arranging therapy and involving family, which aligns with expert recommendations for collaborative intervention.

For now, she should enforce her authority by bringing her son home while showing love through open dialogue. Schools must also be held accountable for unreported incidents. This case highlights a broader issue: parents need proactive support to catch warning signs early. Resources like Parenting Teens offer practical tools for navigating these challenges.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of support and tough love for the mother. Here’s what they had to say, raw and unfiltered:

newbeginingshey − NTA. Get your kid in therapy. Give the hosting family 2 hours to bring your child back or call the police to have him returned. They can’t just keep your minor child against your wishes while you’re trying to get him necessary psychological care.

kr0mb0pulos_michael − NTA.. Given the severity of the situation, the punishment is more than justified imo.. He definitely needs therapy though.

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solo_throwaway254247 − 'It sounds childish'. It doesn't sound childish. It sounds like you parenting your child. You did the right thing. Please let him know that you still love him, will always do, but don't like how he's behaved lately. If he's used to no consequences then he's acting out in the hopes that he gets his way.

Stand strong. Stay the course. It's sucks right now being the bad guy but it's for his own good in the long run. When he comes back, have a conversation with him about acceptable behavior and one that's not acceptable. And the fact that there will be consequences.

Also check in with the school if this is something that has been happenin and what has been done about it. Is there a guidance/counseling office at the school? Did the school try to reach you and he prevented it? Maybe hid a note or something?. NTA

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Historical_Gloom − NTA. Bad behavior gets consequences. Why is he at a friends house and not speaking to you. He is 14! If this is his choice, then you need to pick him up. Family therapy and some individual counseling is needed NOW. He is only going to get worse is you don’t stop it.

ElderberryTrick7495 − NTA. Right away, find a medical professional - a psychiatrist preferably, who can asses why there is such a dramatic change in behavior. If his dad just left he could be lashing out but this could result in behavior dangerous to himself and others.

Meet with the school admin to find out if any other incidents have occurred. He needs to come home, escaping punishment at a friends house reinforces the choices he’s made. But you’re doing the right thing, privileges like trips don’t come to people who break laws or violate your trust.

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Rdmink − NTA and if I was in your position I probably wouldn’t allow him to stay at his friends house. If he’s doing those things his friend probably is too. He is a kid who didn’t get his way and said hurtful things because he knew it would bother you not because any of those things are true.

[Reddit User] − Nta but he needs therapy. Did something happen recently that could be causing this? Also, did you let him go to his friend's house or did he just go without telling you? Because that's a huge deal.

galsquishness − NTA this isn’t too extreme. I would take the time he was to be on that family trip and put him into a therapy day camp or at the very least traditional therapy to get to the bottom of the real issue.

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He is lashing out and angry, he is challenging you to show you do have it in you to make firm boundaries and have authority. Hug him tight and see if there is areas in your communication that can be worked on too. Big hugs to you OP, I’m sorry for the pain and anguish this must be bringing you

jay_c95 − NTA. Taking away the trip doesn’t sound childish, it sounds like adequate consequences for his actions. On a side note, your son is 14 and you can very well get him back to your house instead of allowing him to hide away at a friends house right now.

Jacqtjakaa − NTA..you did good BUT make an appointment with the school why the heck they didn't inform you sooner and try to talk with your son. (Difficult i know at this age)

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Reddit’s takes range from applause for the mother’s tough stance to urgent calls for therapy. Some see her son’s friend’s house as a risky escape, while others suspect school oversight. These opinions spark a lively debate, but do they miss the full picture?

This mother’s story is a stark reminder that parenting can be a tightrope walk between love and discipline. Her son’s rebellion challenges her to balance consequences with compassion, a struggle many parents face. By seeking therapy and family support, she’s taking steps toward healing, but the road ahead is long. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going.

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