AITA for cutting off my 80yo mother?

Imagine this: a 58-year-old guy, four hours from home, juggling contractors like a circus ringmaster, all to fix up his 80-year-old mom’s house. The phone’s buzzing with updates, the bank account’s whimpering from repair bills, and then—bam—his estranged brother swoops in like a budget Batman, demanding the whole place get a paint job. Our hero’s been at it for a year, but one aggressive text later, he’s done. With a surge of fury, he tells Mom, “Handle it with Golden Boy—I’m out.” Cue the unanswered calls and a boundary line drawn in the sand.

It’s a scene that feels like a soap opera cliffhanger—anger bubbling over, old sibling rivalries flaring, and an aging mom caught in the crossfire. Readers can practically smell the fresh paint and hear the silence of those ignored calls. Was he wrong to cut the cord? Let’s dive into this messy family saga.

‘AITA for cutting off my 80yo mother?’

Last year mother moved into assisted living. I've (58m) been helping to sell her house, which has required several thousand $$ in repairs. It has taken a lot of time coordinating several different contractors for all the work, which I do living four hours away, while coordinating and updating her almost daily.

Most recently my brother (56m), who lives near my mother's house but has refused to help (we haven't gotten along for years) recently decided to get envolved, and talked her into having whole house painted. While I disagreed, because it's already a money pit and thought it made more sense to negotiate that with a buyer, but it is her prerogative.

Last week I had workmen finishing up a project when he sent an aggressive text demanding they stop work immediately and get out for his painters. I told him that was needlessly aggressive and I didn't appreciate his tone. Telling our mother about later that day, she immediately defended him and just said he didn't mean anything by it and I shouldn't be upset.

Something broke in me a that moment, surge of anger of not being heard, anger at feeling he has always been the golden child, and not appreciated for all the time I have spent this past year managing all her house challenges. I told her I was DONE with helping, she can just work with him from now on.

She has tried calling several times the past few days and I just don't answer - not something I've ever done, especially considering her age. Decided I have boundaries that need to be respected. He has not reached out either, no surprise there. Thanks for letting me vent. AITA?

Selling a parent’s house while juggling life four hours away? That’s not a chore—it’s a Herculean feat. Our redditor’s been the unsung hero, only to have his brother storm in like he’s auditioning for “Extreme Makeover: Dysfunction Edition.” Mom’s quick defense of the latecomer? Salt in an already festering wound. It’s classic family favoritism with a side of burnout.

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Dr. Pauline Boss, a family stress expert, nails it: “Ambiguous loss—like feeling unappreciated in a caregiving role—can be as painful as death, because there’s no closure.” (Source: Ambiguous Loss, public interviews). For OP, that loss is the recognition he craved while pouring sweat into Mom’s money pit. Boss’s take highlights how his brother’s sudden involvement and Mom’s dismissal flipped a switch—years of being the “reliable one” exploded into a boundary-setting supernova.

This isn’t just one guy’s meltdown—it’s a microcosm of caregiver strain. A 2022 AARP report says 1 in 5 family caregivers feel unappreciated, and OP’s story screams that stat. He’s not the villain—he’s exhausted. My two cents? Take a breather, then tell Mom you’ll check on her health but the house is off-limits. Brother wants the reins? Let him wrestle the contractors. Readers, weigh in—boundaries or bust?

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit didn’t disappoint—they rolled up with pitchforks and hugs. Here’s the unvarnished scoop:

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These zingers are Reddit gold: sharp, suspicious, and a little snarky. Are they onto something with Brother’s motives, or just fanning the drama flames? You tell me.

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So, our redditor’s traded his toolbelt for peace, leaving Mom and Brother to paint their own mess—literally. It’s like he’s walked off the set of a bad sitcom, and Mom’s stunned he didn’t stick to the script. At 80, she’s got her golden child, but at what cost? He’s not the asshole—he’s human, and humans have limits. Now, the phone’s quiet, and he’s holding firm. What’s your take? If you were knee-deep in family favors and got sidelined, would you cut the cord too? Spill it below—I’m all ears!

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