AITA for cutting of my BFs parents after they took our baby to get a paternity test?

The nursery glowed with soft light, but a shadow of betrayal loomed large. A young mother, still adjusting to life with her newborn, discovered her boyfriend’s parents had secretly taken their infant daughter for a paternity test, fueled by their belief she’s a gold-digger. Their wealth and judgment had long cast a pall, but this violation of trust lit a fire. Her decision to cut them off sparked a family storm, leaving her torn between fury and fairness.

Navigating class divides and new parenthood, the mother’s stand against her in-laws’ overreach resonates with anyone who’s faced meddling relatives. Readers can feel her rage—how dare they question her daughter’s paternity behind her back? This tale of broken trust and family tension dives into the messy clash of loyalty, boundaries, and the fierce instinct to protect one’s child.

‘AITA for cutting of my BFs parents after they took our baby to get a paternity test?’

Reeling from her in-laws’ intrusive actions, the Reddit user faced a painful revelation about her daughter’s secret paternity test. Here’s her story:

My(22) boyfriend(23) and I have been on and off for 4 years. We have had our share of problems like any relationship but I think the biggest problem is his parents. My boyfriend comes from a very upper class family and I don’t. We met when he was in college for a high pay job and I was just waitressing.

They have always thought I was just there for money.. 6 months ago I gave birth to a very much unplanned but beautiful baby girl. His parents were pissed about this and from the start of my pregnancy kept trying to say that they didn’t think it was my boyfriends baby. My boyfriend did his best to keep them civil but they are truly unbearable people and could never keep their mouth shut.

When our daughter was born they actually did become great grandparents about a couple months after her being born. They offered to keep her tons when we needed breaks and really helped us out when buying things she needed. Always returning her with new outfits, bottles, toys, etc. So anyways a few weeks ago my boyfriend came home in a pretty bad mood.

I asked him why and at first he didn’t want to tell me but in the end he decided it be best if I knew. He told me that his parents let slip they had taken our daughter to get dna tested about a month after she was born. Of course the results came back that my boyfriend was her father but he was pissed they would even do something like that without our consent.

I’m not gonna lie sometimes my anger gets the best of me but at this point I was livid. I called his parents and immediately told them they were cut off. I told them I don’t need their money and I’m disgusted that they would stoop so low. I said I didn’t want my daughter around people that thought so little of me and would obviously only try and convince her of the nonsense they think about me.

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They “apologized” and said they only wanted what was best for their son and that I couldn’t blame them for trying to be good parents. In the end I hung up on them trying to convince me that they had all the reasons in the world to do that test without my permission.

My boyfriend is pretty understanding why I’m mad but is begging me to reconsider because they do help a lot and he does love his parents even thought they suck. I just don’t think I can let my daughter be around them... AITA?

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EDIT: so I just wanna add more back story to how awful his parents are. They have screamed at me, called me names, offered my boyfriend money to dump me and so much more. Since our daughter was born it’s basically stopped but now they just talk s**t about me to my boyfriend and indirectly post stuff about me on Facebook.

Now they fake smile and make sly comments about my parenting only. They were good grandparents in a sense but it’s just not enough for me. I thought saying they are my biggest relationship problem would show they are s**tty people and suck but I guess not.

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Trust is fragile, and this couple’s in-laws shattered it with a secret DNA test. The mother’s decision to cut contact is a fierce boundary, rooted in their class-driven disdain and violation of her parental rights. The grandparents’ initial generosity—buying baby clothes and offering childcare—seems tainted by their ulterior motive to question the child’s paternity. The boyfriend’s torn loyalty highlights a classic family power struggle, with the mother caught in the crossfire.

This reflects a broader issue: in-law boundary violations. A 2023 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found 70% of new parents report in-law conflicts, often over control or trust (source). The grandparents’ actions, possibly illegal without consent, underscore their disrespect for the mother’s role.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Forward notes, “Boundaries are essential to protect family integrity” (source). The mother’s cutoff is a valid response to betrayal, though the boyfriend’s plea suggests a need for dialogue. Their “apology” lacks accountability, doubling down on their bias.

The mother could propose supervised visits with clear rules, ensuring respect. The boyfriend should mediate, reinforcing boundaries with his parents.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s serving up some fiery takes, and they’re hotter than a summer barbecue. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

[Reddit User] − NTA. “Good parents” would support their son in his decision not to question his daughter’s paternity, not get a DNA test behind his back. Plus, their apology was clearly fake if they were trying to convince you that what they did was right. They have proven themselves to be dishonest and untrustworthy, and who needs grandparents like that?

nerdandknit − NTA - they KNOW they were AH's and they KNOW they have been Ah's in the past, they just don't care. I suspect if you let them back into your life then they will do even more toxic shite disguised as 'love' in the future. However - your boyfriend needs to be the one who makes his own decision about how involved he is in their lifes and you have to accept that.

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Controlling your partner is not the way to go, I hope he sees the light, but please do not accuse him of not caring if he does decide to see them from time to time (with your kid though that must be a joint decision)

Dangerfyeld − NTA. By the sounds of it they got the test not as confirmation the child was his, but to try and prove the child wasn't. They tried to use a child as a weapon against you. My guess is they're more interested in keeping up appearances and a child out of wedlock with someone they feel is 'unfit' due to class/social standing is tricky to explain to the neighbours.

They were great initially to lure you in. I'd wager that was a premeditated move and not spur of the moment. Simply put, they're toxic and your child doesnt need to be in that environment.

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randomfirefly − NTA. I believe your BF can still see his parents right? You don't need to subject yourself (or your kid) to this. If they don't respect you, this will only destroy your relationship and poison your daughter.. Saying they did that because they wanted to be good parents is the worst excuse..

1- no, they are not good, they are being controlling parents.. 2- yes, you can blame them, this is not a mistake, it was a well calculated action. 3- if they see you as a gold digger, actually this is the best way to prove you are not (since they are this horrid) ; 4- your BF is old enough to make his own decisions. They do not get to be unhappy and act on kt if he is raising/having a kid.

5- if you reconsider without them making serious adjustments, they will keep thinking you are a gold digger that is using the kid to control them and your BF. So. Hold your ground.

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You don't need to keep NC forever, but they need to ear the privilege of having you and you kiddo back in their lives, by demonstrating respect, observing bondaries and not using s**tty excuses for s**tty behavior.. You might want to talk with people at /JUSTNOMIL /justnofil for more support.. Good luck op

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your boyfriend needs to grow the F up. Bottom line is they've shown they can't ever be trusted alone with her - so if they ever want to see her again they'd better work HARD on repairing their relationship with you. Starting with a full and unreserved apology that makes the point, 'We had no right to do this. What we did was appalling and unforgivable.'. Not one more excuse.

[Reddit User] − NTA I’m actually pissed that someone would even test an infant without either of their parents present and consent. If your boyfriend had been concerned he would have brought it up. His parents were completely out of line and imo you have every right to not trust them to be around your child at the moment.

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Cocoasneeze − NTA. Is it even legal for them to have paternity tests done on your daughter?

strawberry − INFO: is the medical procedure that they had performed on a child that was not their’s even legal? I assume the test used a cheek swab and not blood, but even still, isn’t this the kind of thing that requires a parent’s consent?

YourFriendlySpidy − Parental alienation is abuse. And you can bet they will do that to your daughter as soon as she is old enough to understand.. Nta.

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tossout3333 − NTA these people will stomp all over your boundaries if you let them. Stick to your resolve on this one.

These Reddit opinions don’t mince words, but do they nail the core issue? Are the grandparents manipulative schemers, or is the mother’s cutoff too harsh?

This family saga proves trust, once broken, is tough to mend—especially when it involves a baby and class-fueled suspicions. The mother’s stand to protect her daughter is fierce, but the boyfriend’s plea for his parents tugs at reconciliation. Should she hold firm or give them a chance to rebuild trust? How would you handle in-laws who cross such a line? Toss your thoughts into the mix below—let’s unravel this family knot!

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