AiTA for cutting my daughters’ hair really short because I was not prepared to deal with it?
Parenting can feel like a tightrope, especially when grief and chaos collide. For a 35-year-old widower, raising three biracial daughters alone became a tangle during COVID-19. With their curly hair matting and no salon or sister-in-law to help, he grabbed scissors, following a YouTube guide to cut it short. It seemed practical—until his oldest daughter’s tears and his sister-in-law’s anger surfaced.
She accused him of racial insensitivity, implying his whiteness left him clueless about their needs, igniting a heated clash. He’s tried to fight stereotypes, but now wonders if he failed his girls. Was his desperate trim a misstep, or a dad doing his best? This Reddit tale unravels the messy weave of loss, race, and good intentions, where a haircut becomes a mirror for deeper struggles. Can love bridge the gap of misunderstanding?
‘AiTA for cutting my daughters’ hair really short because I was not prepared to deal with it?’
Parenting is a marathon, but this dad tripped on a hurdle he didn’t see coming. Cutting his biracial daughters’ matted hair short during COVID-19 was a desperate move, born of overwhelm—grief, a 70-hour workweek, and no haircare support. His sister-in-law’s accusation of racial insensitivity cut deep, but was his choice truly wrong?
Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum, a race and identity expert, says, “Raising biracial children requires proactive cultural learning.” Haircare for Black and biracial girls isn’t just grooming—it’s identity. Matting signals neglect, and cutting it short, though practical, erased a piece of his daughters’ pride, especially his 8-year-old’s. After eight years, his reliance on his sister-in-law left him unprepared, a gap that Reddit flagged harshly. Studies show 60% of biracial kids face identity struggles when parents don’t embrace their full heritage.
His intent wasn’t malicious, but impact outweighs intent. The pandemic’s chaos—salons closed, sister-in-law gone—piled on, yet resources like YouTube or a quick call to his sister-in-law existed. His yelling at her, while provoked, escalated tension in front of his girls, risking their sense of security. Dr. Tatum suggests learning now: attend salon visits, study Black haircare, and validate his daughters’ beauty. An apology to them, acknowledging their loss, could heal. For his sister-in-law, a calm talk to align on supporting the girls’ identity is key.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Reddit didn’t pull punches, delivering tough love and sharp critiques on this dad’s haircut decision. Here’s what they said:
![[Reddit User] − YTA. You have had biracial children for 8 years. You are 8 years late in learning how to do their hair. There is zero excuse for not doing so, and your daughters are suffering the consequences.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/297685c-03.png)
![[Reddit User] − YTA you could have gone to any d**g store and bought suitable products for their hair. You could have spent 5 minutes and googled products to use. You have YouTube. Also you could have called/zoomed with your sil and asked her for advice.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/297685c-04.png)
![[Reddit User] − YTA. I don't think you were being malicious, just really ignorant. Which, after 8 years you probably shouldn't be. Gender and race shouldn't be excuses anymore. You had plenty of time to learn how to cut their hair,](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/297685c-09.png)
These Redditors are blunt, but do their judgments miss his pandemic struggles?
This dad’s scissors snip wasn’t just a haircut—it was a painful lesson in parenting and identity. Cutting his biracial daughters’ hair short solved a crisis but broke their trust, especially his oldest’s. His sister-in-law’s racial jab stung, but it sparked a chance to grow. Learning their haircare now can rebuild bonds and honor their heritage. What would you do in this tangle of love and learning? Share your thoughts below—how do you bridge cultural gaps with kids?
