AITA for cursing and yelling at me mother-in-law because she told my wife to divorce me because I can’t produce a child?

In a quiet moment shattered by heartbreak, a couple’s dream of starting a family crumbled when they learned of the husband’s infertility. The Redditor and his wife, armed with courage, shared the news with their families, hoping for support. But instead of empathy, his mother-in-law’s stinging words—“divorce him, he can’t even be a man”—cut deep, sparking a fiery confrontation. What began as a hopeful call to mend ties ended in shouted curses, leaving the couple’s bond strained and the husband questioning his actions.

This raw tale of pain and pride pulls us into the messy intersection of family expectations and personal grief. As the Redditor grapples with his wife’s plea to keep her mother in their lives, readers are left wondering: how do you hold your ground when family crosses a line? Dive into this emotional storm and decide for yourself.

‘AITA for cursing and yelling at me mother-in-law because she told my wife to divorce me because I can’t produce a child?’

For a while my wife and I had been planning to have kids. Since we knew we were getting married we had decided that we would wait at least five years before we had a child. Well the time came and we wanted to go ahead and try to have one. For months and months we had tried with no success.

We finally decided to go to a specialist to get their opinions and advice on what to do. We figured out that I was infertile. A few weeks later we decided to break the news to our families. Both sets of parents had been on us and wanting us to have kids so that they could have grandchildren. We told my parents first.

Then came telling her parents. I don’t want to make mine sound far superior, but I’ve never really gotten along well with her parents. After breaking the news to them they were silent for a minute. MIL didn’t look sad but instead looked angry. I finally spoke up to try to lighten the mood and talked about possibly adopting.

She finally said “I don’t want no fake child. I want a blood child. Y’all better not do that crap.” I was silent the rest of the time really. My wife said a few things and we left shortly after. That night I heard my wife talking on the phone to her mom. I don’t think she knew that I could hear the whole conversation.

I heard her mom tell her that she needed to divorce me because I couldn’t even “be a man and reproduce properly.” I cried a lot. My wife heard me and came to hug me. The next day I decided to call her mom. I wanted to try to do something to smooth over our relationship.

I apologized for our disagreements and asked her if we could put stuff behind us. She said that she could never support a son in law that can’t give her grandchildren. She said that she wished that my wife had made a better choice.

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I couldn’t help it but I started yelling and telling her that I feel like I’m a great husband and that if she wants to be this ugly that she can get out of our life. I was so heated that I did call her a few names as well. She hung up the phone before I was done. Later that day she called and talked to my wife.

After that my wife spoke to me and asked me why I did that. I tried to explain that I had called to improve things between us but she instead wanted to criticize me. My wife admitted that she was of course upset with her mom, but that she still wants her in our life. She said that she didn’t like that I called her mother names.

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She told me that she does feel bad for me and upset with everything, but that I was out of line for talking to her mother like that. She left and has went to stay with her brother while she tried to figure out how to sort things out between her mother and I.. Am I the a**hole here?

Family conflicts over infertility can feel like navigating a storm with no shelter. The Redditor’s outburst at his mother-in-law (MIL) stemmed from her cruel suggestion that his wife divorce him for being “less of a man.” While his wife acknowledges her mother’s wrong, her desire to maintain their relationship puts the Redditor in a tough spot. The MIL’s rejection of adoption as “fake” and her personal attacks reveal a lack of empathy, escalating the tension.

Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples, according to the CDC, often straining family ties due to misplaced expectations. The MIL’s focus on “blood” grandchildren ignores the emotional toll on the couple, while the Redditor’s reaction, though heated, reflects raw hurt. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist and author, notes, “Anger is a signal that boundaries have been violated. Expressing it constructively is key, but name-calling can escalate conflict”.

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The Redditor could benefit from couples counseling to align with his wife on boundaries with her mother. A calm conversation, expressing his pain and setting firm limits on MIL’s behavior, might help. Offering to explore adoption together could refocus their shared goals.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, dishing out fiery support and sharp insights with a sprinkle of humor. From slamming the MIL’s toxic attitude to urging the wife to set boundaries, the comments spark a lively debate. Here’s what they had to say:

displacedcdn - NTA. I mean? What century does MIL live in. Obviously MIL is the AH here, she said some pretty awful things so your response is totally understandable.. Not sure what would help with your wife in this scenario though. I’m sorry.. Edit: other than talking to your wife to smooth things over, obviously.

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yiiikes00 - NTA. A person can only take so much, and you’ve tried to address a toxic MIL lovingly when she has been pretty downright cruel. Your wife is TA for not shutting down her mother when she says ANYTHING demeaning about you, the prospect of adopting, etc.

It’s up to your wife to negotiate the boundaries, and some parents- especially narcissistic ones- do need to be cut off because there isn’t a way to navigate maintaining a relationship and not be harmed by them. I’m sorry you’re dealing with the news AND now this.

bmidontcare - NTA. Don't get me wrong, you're standing on the line with the name calling, but I completely understand where that came from. Your wife is going to have to make a choice, because her mother has clearly put herself against you.

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How can she be a loyal partner and still see her mother, when her mother has said such hurtful things and has such a hateful attitude? I suggest couples counseling for you two - this is the kind of thing that can break up a marriage, so you don't want to let it fester.

[Reddit User] - ESH. Your response was extreme, but I understand you were going through turmoil. MOH is way more of an AH than you though. A calm group discussion needs to happen. It’s unfortunate she’s so selfish and rude that she needs to be taught sympathy, but it’s worth showing her that you are just as upset learning that you can’t have children.

That’s a big blow!! Also, don’t expect too much from a woman who would say something like adopted children are “fake children.” She’s obviously lacking any warm or depth, so mentally prepare yourself to not like her. And when you do adopt a lovely child, protect it from her evil.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. You can't help being infertile. This is between you and your wife. If she's ok with it then it shouldn't matter what the MIL says. My boyfriend's family has a similar situation. His uncle (his grandma's only son) married a woman that is infertile.

It ticked off grandma to no end and she treats the woman horribly whenever she sees her. Those two now live on the opposite side of the country from grandma and the uncle has visited once in the three years I've known the family but he left his wife at home.  Those two have a really amazing life together though.

Because of the lack of children, they travel all over the world and are able to take jobs that would otherwise keep them apart. What you may consider is having you go NC with the MIL and let your wife contact her as she pleases. It'll be rough for sure but maybe an out of sight out of mind tactic might help your MIL settle down.

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Finnike - Your wife is TA. You had some really bad news, got insulted repeatedly by your MIL despite you trying to save the relationship with her, and your wife ends mad with you and staying with her?. You are NTA and clearly deserve better dude

CookiesNeedLuv - NTA. Your MIL is a raging a**hole. Your wife is an understandable a**hole. Ideally your wife would've supported you and understood your hurt and anger and defended you to her mother. My guess is that her mom is manipulative enough that your wife struggles to go against her.

I'm very sorry that you're unable to have children. I wish you the best of luck, you're in a s**tty situation. Hopefully your wife decides to prioritize her relationship with you vs her mother. If not, I don't see this ending happily for anyone.

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CermaitLaphroaig - INFO: Why are you posting this in here when you got plenty of responses in r/relationships yesterday? I don't see any new information, and you've responded to zero comments thus far, on either post

andork28 - NTA! Hell no, come on now! You've got every right to stand up for yourself if someone is being this indignant, no matter who it is. And when you're grieving a loss yourself (which finding out that you can't have kids is a loss, make no mistake),

those who love you are supposed to be empathetic and supportive, not blatantly provoke you into a shouting match. Seems to me your MIL is making this all about her and her desire for grandkids, which is a s**tty, selfish thing to do in this situation.

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EYSHot69 - NTA, of course. Sure, maybe you could have hung up and 'been the bigger man' before losing it. Would have made it easier with your wife. But I don't care how vulgar or obscene names you called her,

your MIL deserves to hear every single word you managed to come up with.You didn't choose to be infertile, she chose to be a d**khead. And I'm very sorry to hear this, I hope a solution like adoption works out for you. Stay strong, king

These Reddit takes are bold and brassy, but do they capture the full picture? Is the wife’s loyalty to her mom a betrayal, or just a tough balancing act?

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This story of infertility and family betrayal leaves us reeling, caught between empathy for the Redditor’s pain and the messy reality of family ties. His outburst, born of hurt, clashed with his wife’s hope to keep her mother close, leaving their marriage at a crossroads. As they navigate this emotional minefield, the question looms: how do you heal when family wounds cut so deep? Have you ever faced a family member’s cruel judgment? Share your story below—what would you do in this couple’s shoes?

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