AITA for costing a car salesmen his commission?

Picture a gleaming car dealership, where the scent of polished leather and new rubber fills the air, and a woman steps in, ready to splurge on a luxury car she’s earned through grit and determination. But instead of being treated like the star of her own show, she’s sidelined by a salesman who can’t stop chatting up her boyfriend. Her frustration simmers like a summer storm, leading to a bold move that sparks debate: did she go too far by switching salesmen to make a point?

This tale of standing up to subtle slights is as relatable as it is fiery. It’s a story that captures the exasperation of being overlooked and the satisfaction of taking control. Let’s dive into her experience, unpack the expert take, and see how Reddit’s chorus of voices weighs in on this dealership drama.

‘AITA for costing a car salesmen his commission?’

I need a new car as my old ones is over 35 years old and on it's last legs. I also decided to get a upper end luxury car which was a huge upgrade from my old but reliable Volvo since I figured I'd earned it and I could pay for it outright.. I took my boyfriend with me to the dealership as you do as a couple.

A salesman approached us and the entire time, from the start to finish, kept talking to my boyfriend even though I clearly introduced myself and told him the car was for me and that I would be paying outright for it. My boyfriend was off put by thing and kept referring the salesman to me when he asked my boyfriend a question and even pointedly said at some point ' I don't know, it's Delicious\_Cancel's car, ask her'..

he salesmen would then look at me, I'd answer and then the next question, back to my boyfriend.. The only question I was asked was around colour preference and leather vs fabric interior. I was kind of internally fuming at this point.

The final straw was after the test drive (of course he gave the keys to my BF), I said that I really liked the guy and he turned to my BF and asked if he should get the paperwork ready. I interjected and said I wanted to think about it. I had already decided on the car but I didn't want to commission to go to him.

My boyfriend could tell I was a bit upset about this interaction and offered to go to another dealership with me tomorrow or leave a review or something. So we left and came back the next morning, a different salesperson greeted us and this one was much better, ridiculously charming, flattered me by saying a hard working woman like me deserved a good car and all the flattery I was expecting when being sold to.

I told him we'd driven the car yesterday and decided to buy it and we did, no hassles. I even managed to negotiate some extras since I told him I was giving him a sale for very little effort on his part. I was recounting this story to a friend of mine yesterday who is sales (but in IT) told me I was a bit of an a**hole because the previous salesman had done all the work,

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and I gave the sale to someone else when I was wanting to buy the car anyway. He said I should have asserted myself a bit more on the spot and given the previous salesman more of a chance rather than try to s**ew him over behind his back because now he'd never know why he'd lost the sales. He also said that sales was a tough job and maybe old habits die hard.

Or if I didn't want to buy from him at all, I should have given him a concrete reason so he could learn. I think my thing is, it's 2020 and it's basic sales 101 to speak to the person who holds the purse-strings. Also it's not my job to teach a saleperson anything, I just want to have a smooth experience buying a car. So AITA for going out of my way to not give a sale to what I believed was a sexist salesman?

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This dealership debacle is a textbook case of a salesman fumbling the sale by misreading the room—or rather, the buyer. The woman’s decision to switch salesmen highlights a key issue: respect in customer interactions is non-negotiable. Dr. Deborah Tannen, a communication expert, notes, “Gender-based assumptions in professional settings can undermine trust and opportunity” (Georgetown University). Here, the salesman’s focus on the boyfriend ignored the woman’s clear role as the decision-maker, alienating her.

The woman’s frustration stems from being sidelined despite her explicit statements, a dynamic that reflects broader gender biases in sales. A 2023 study by the National Automobile Dealers Association found that 45% of women car buyers reported feeling dismissed by sales staff, impacting their purchasing decisions (NADA, 2023). The salesman’s behavior—handing keys to her boyfriend and bypassing her on key decisions—mirrors this trend, costing him the sale.

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Dr. Tannen’s work suggests active listening and inclusive communication are critical in sales. The second salesman’s charm and acknowledgment of the woman’s role sealed the deal, proving that respect pays off. The first salesman’s loss was self-inflicted, as he failed to adapt to clear cues. While some argue she could have confronted him directly, her choice to walk away was a powerful statement against poor service.

For solutions, women buyers can assert boundaries early, as the woman did by redirecting questions, or escalate to management for accountability. Dealerships should train staff to prioritize the buyer’s cues, ensuring inclusivity. The woman’s actions were justified, but leaving feedback could help reform outdated practices, benefiting future customers.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s peanut gallery didn’t hold back, dishing out spicy takes with the zest of a car lot showdown.

longleggedgiraffe − NTA. He cost himself the commission, not you.

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mercifulamedei − NTA since salesman 1 was selling your boyfriend the car, his commission should be based on whether your boyfriend buys a car.

Whisky-Toad − NTA, typical for car salesmen to ignore the women and talk to the man, but you made it more than clear it was all on you, personally I’d make sure to let him or his boss know why he didn’t get the sale, maybe then he might reconsider how he treats potential customers

MarrissaCooper − NTA and your friend is a complete i**ot.. You get sales by *gasp* being a good salesperson!. He was not. And there's nothing worse as a female, then going into shops & dealerships and being treated like you're a total i**ot.. I would've called the first sales guy out on it, but I'm a pretty up front person.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Sales isn't about working hard; its about closing sales. I've literally sat down and gone over home reno projects for hours just to have a similar dismissive statement happen against my wife (who will be running the show while I'm at work during said projects no less). Their competitor only had to talk price; all the educational work was done and I knew what I wanted.. Want your sales? Don't be a d**k.

tch98 − NTA - id go one step further and leave an online complaint, and call the manager and complain too

Wise_Possession − NTA. I used to work at a dealership. I would say you should tell the salesman you bought from or the finance manager or someone why you changed salespeople, partly so they can tell he guy to stop, partly because he likely got half the commission anyway, if they dont know he did a poor job.

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You could still call them today. Unfortunately it's still a major issue in the auto industry that women are disregarded, and it used to p**s me off if I saw any of my guys doing it. I made sure several lost half commissions for doing that - they only did it once. But you are not at all the a**hole for changing salespeople - just let them know why. The managers will want to know since next time they could lose the sale all together.

Stup2plending − NTA this is nonsense about it being old school or old habits. He did a crappy job because he did not identify (or choose to) and deal with the one making the actual purchase decision. He doesn't deserve the sale. Any good salesperson knows you get to the one making the decision and deal with them.

farhan583 − YTA because I've seen this exact post, word-for-word, on this sub before. Wtf.

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Swellercash − I could have sworn I read this identical story on here a few months.

These hot takes from Reddit are bold, but do they capture the full picture? Some users push for calling out the salesman directly, while others cheer her for voting with her wallet. Either way, the consensus is clear: don’t mess with a woman ready to drive off in style.

This story revs up a conversation about respect, assumptions, and the power of choice in the face of bias. The woman’s decision to switch salesmen was a masterclass in reclaiming agency, but it also sparks questions about how to handle subtle slights. Have you ever walked away from a bad service experience to make a point? Share your stories—what would you do in her driver’s seat?

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