AITA for continuing to accept extra help from my ex and his family even though his fiancée doesn’t like it?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine a cozy family dinner, laughter echoing as a young girl giggles with her dad’s relatives, while her mom sips wine, feeling like part of the clan. For one woman, this scene is a cherished perk of co-parenting with her ex, whose family showers her with support—free rent, extra cash, and invites to vacations. But when his fiancée storms in, demanding she cut ties with this generous setup, the mood sours faster than a forgotten holiday pie.

This Reddit tale dives into the messy waters of co-parenting, where generosity collides with jealousy. The woman’s refusal to back down sparks a heated debate: is she clinging to an outdated dynamic, or simply securing what’s best for her daughter? It’s a story that blends heartwarming family ties with the sting of new boundaries, leaving readers to pick a side.

‘AITA for continuing to accept extra help from my ex and his family even though his fiancée doesn’t like it?’

This Reddit post lays out a mother’s struggle to balance her daughter’s stability with her ex’s fiancée’s demands. Here’s her story in her own words:

I have a 4 yo daughter with my ex. I would say we have a pretty great co-parenting relationship and he and his family have helped me more than I would’ve expected them to. He’s engaged now and his fiancée “Laura” isn’t the biggest fan of mine. I know she’s told him she doesn’t like how much he helps me and she expects him to stop after they get married.

I assume he refused because she decided to come speak to me “woman to woman”.. The main things she wants me to stop are:. 1. Stop accepting so much money from him even if he insists. 2. Move out from the apartment my daughter and I live in for free and find my own place.. 3. Stop going on family vacations with him.

4. Stop having family dinners with him. 5. Stop attending events his family host I told her no. She got upset and told me I should understand her perspective and why this wasn’t fair to her. That I didn’t need half of the things I accepted from him and I was just milking him like a cash cow because I had his daughter.

She said that since they were a family now I should realise the dynamic between us has to change and no partner would be okay with how things are now. I told her no again and asked her to leave.. AITA?

This co-parenting clash is less about money and more about boundaries in blended families. The mother’s reliance on her ex’s support—housing, cash, and family events—ensures stability for her daughter but fuels Laura’s insecurity.

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Dr. Elizabeth Scott, a family therapist, notes, “Blended families thrive on clear boundaries and open communication to prevent resentment” (Source). The mother’s acceptance of financial help and housing is reasonable, as it directly benefits her daughter, but joining family vacations and dinners blurs lines, making Laura feel like an outsider in her own relationship.

A 2023 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 65% of step-parents report tension with ex-partners over co-parenting roles (Source). Laura’s “woman to woman” talk, while bold, oversteps by bypassing her fiancé, who should address boundary issues.

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The mother could maintain financial support but scale back on social events to respect Laura’s role. “Compromise shows respect without sacrificing your child’s needs,” Scott advises. She might discuss boundaries with her ex to align expectations, ensuring her daughter’s stability while easing Laura’s concerns.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s got opinions hotter than a summer barbecue, and this story lit up the comment section. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

Sonder_Wander − NTA - She's being incredily insecure and petty. He's taking care of his child. You will both ALWAYS be there, so she needs to get over it. Mive out of your apartment?! No. I hope she treats your daughter right when you're not around.

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The only part I could agree with cutting out would be you going on family vacations with him. Unless it's some big sort of family thing in which case still, who cares? She's threatened by you.

Fun-Tourist-7395 − NTA. Unfortunately for Laura, his child and you come with him. I don't think you need to stop having a positive co-parenting relationship bc she feels threatened. You'll always be in her life if she decides to go through with the marriage. I would actually have a talk with your ex and let him know what she said.

There needs to be boundaries in place with her as she's overstepping and you should make it clear that she's starting things and you don't appreciate it. If she has a problem, she can speak to her fiance. I feel like she has already addressed it with him and he's not changing how you guys function so she thought she could come to you to get you to back off.

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waterbuffalo750 − I'm going to go against the grain here. YTA. I think it's fully reasonable that she's uncomfortable with this. It sounds like he's completely supporting you financially, paying for all of your living expenses and then some.

He should be paying child support, but you should otherwise support yourself as an adult. Family vacations and events are a little weird. You're acting like you're still a couple, of course his fiancee is uncomfortable with that.

Minimum_Reference_73 − NTA, you need to set a hard boundary here. She has no business speaking to you about this at all.

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[Reddit User] − Was all ready to say no way are you an a**hole… but some of her requests may be reasonable! If you don’t concede a few things then you aren’t being fair. Also, wtf does your ex think?! Isn’t this his s**t to deal with?. 1. If the money is for your daughter or for the home, accept it.. 2. Stay where you are, this is to maintain a lifestyle for your daughter..

3. Yeah, sorry no more family vacations.. 4. Family dinners okay occasionally if the focus is your daughter. 5. You don’t need to be at his family events unless they are specifically about your daughter, like her birthday or school events, graduation, etc. Otherwise really, YTA and so is your ex.

Larcztar − NTA. The nerve! She should be happy to have a man like him. They way he and his family treat you is wonderful. I really hope that he dumps her because she sounds like trouble.

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NanaLeonie − ESH. Laura should just move on. No woman should have to have the ‘ex’ up in her face as much as her current fiancé and his family seem to think appropriate. You’re not at fault really except that you don’t seem to be willing to built much of an independent life.

Tinderella80 − NTA - your ex husband is maintaining a quality relationship with you and his daughter. She’s definitely TA here. I hope you gently let him know what she did so he can manage that relationship.. She’s jealous and that won’t serve anyone in the long run.

Away_Refuse8493 − ESH. The fiancee is not wrong. Some of these are not things YOU should be doing without the fiance's permission, mainly -. Stop going on family vacations with him. Stop attending events his family host.

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You share a child, so any financials that your husband direct FOR YOUR DAUGHTER'S WELFARE ONLY (be that cash, housing, food, clothing, whatever) are acceptable, and she needs to realize, but no, his family is not your family, his family vacation is not your family vacation, etc so you should let them do THEIR family.

You daughter can. You should not. But this is everyone's problem, not just yours. They have a relationship problem, which is that you and your ex have a boundaries problem, and if you like this lady and want her to be your daughter's step-mom (and she's doing a good job) remember that what is good in their house is also good for your daughter.

AuntieArchitect − Okay I feel like I'm going crazy with ahh the N T A here because to me it's a clearcut ESH. Financially and with the apartment? No problem whatsoever for him to keep helping.

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If he's comfortable with that and y'all are considering it child support then she shouldn't be asking him to stop-particularly because it sounds like she's telling you to reject EVERY bit of financial help which makes her the AH. But with the family dinners and family vacations? You're the a**hole there. He's trying to build a new family and you insisting on coming to these almost absolutely makes her feel like a mistress.

You and him have a daughter together and you're calling it family dinner. She is family too now, so it's time to stop going to these things and let them build their family. You clearly coparent well together so not being willing to drop those two at least makes it seem like you want the family without the husband and she's getting in the way.

These Reddit takes swing from fierce support to sharp critique, but do they capture the full complexity of blending families?

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This story is a festive mix of loyalty, love, and a dash of drama. The mother’s commitment to her daughter’s well-being is clear, but Laura’s plea for boundaries isn’t baseless. Could a compromise—like skipping the family vacations but keeping the financial help—smooth things over, or is Laura’s jealousy a sign of deeper trouble? What would you do if you were caught between a supportive ex and their new partner’s demands? Share your thoughts—have you ever navigated a tricky co-parenting dynamic?

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