AITA for complaining about my coworker bringing his toddlers to the office?

A female employee’s patience frays when her coworker, a widower struggling after his wife’s death, repeatedly leaves his toddlers in her office without asking, turning her workspace into an unasked daycare. Her complaints to HR halt his ability to bring his kids, forcing tough choices, but ignite coworker backlash accusing her of heartlessness toward a grieving father.

This isn’t just an office spat—it’s a tangle of sexism, grief, and workplace fairness. Her stand against being an unwilling babysitter draws Reddit’s fierce support, spotlighting gender assumptions. Like a desk cluttered with toys, the story probes the clash between personal struggles and professional boundaries in a post-pandemic office.

‘AITA for complaining about my coworker bringing his toddlers to the office?’

My office reopened a few weeks ago. One of my co-workers has 2 toddlers and he lost his wife during the pandemic. They were a two income family and he told me that they were struggling a bit financially. especially after all the medical bills prior to his wife's death (may she rest in peace).

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Due to pandemic, our office layout has changed and everyone required to come to office were given rooms to use instead of the cubicles we usually use. When my coworker requested in the team meeting to be allowed to bring his kids to work, none of us objected. We were sure that he would get a big office and it would not disturb us.

I work in a male dominated field and there are only 3 female employees and I am the only one in our floor. My coworker constantly leaves his children with me for hours. I feel like I am doing more babysitting than my actual job. He doesn't even ask permission. he just asks the kids to go to my office.

The kid just says 'my dad asked me and my brother to stay with you'. When I confront him he says that he is in a meeting or he needs to concentrate etc. The last straw for me was when I found out that he left the kids with me and had gone out for lunch with few of his office friends. I went to HR and complained about this.

He confronted me and told me that because of my complaint he was told by the HR that he can work from home if he wants but he cannot bring his children to work anymore. He said that only reason he went to lunch was to gel more with the manager so that he is on their good side and to make sure that he will recieve hikes/bonus/promotion.

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He said that he would never be able to finish his work, hit his targets and get bonuses if he works from home and he is gonna lose a lot of money with babycare if h decides to come to the office (he is not wrong. It is ver hard and slow to wfh. work gets done much easier and faster from office).

Now, everyone (edit: except my team and manager) are pissed at me for complaining against a struggling father and grieving widower. AITA for directly going to the HR? I requested him several times not to send his kids to my office unannounced. But I never warned him that I would go to HR if he kept it up.

Edit: For the sake of transparency, he has never lied to me. He does send his kids only when he has important meetings or deadlines. He is more client focused, so he has more meetings than me.

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My work is more internal and I rarely have meetings. His manager is known for taking it personally if people do not attend outside office activites such as lunches or dinners or weekend potlucks etc (he labels such people as 'poor team players').

The woman’s HR complaint was a justified response to her coworker’s unprofessional and sexist behavior, which burdened her with childcare duties without consent, disrupting her work. His assumption that she, the only woman on the floor, should handle his toddlers reflects deep-seated gender biases, compounded by his failure to respect her repeated objections.

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A 2023 study in Gender & Society found that 65% of women in male-dominated fields report being assigned caregiving tasks at work, impacting productivity and career growth (Sage Journals, 2023). Dr. Joan C. Williams, a workplace gender expert, notes, “Women are often defaulted into nurturing roles, undermining their professional roles” (JoanCWilliams.com). His lunch outing while leaving kids behind prioritizes networking over her time, showing entitlement, not necessity.

His widower status and financial strain evoke sympathy, but don’t excuse exploiting her. HR’s solution—work-from-home or childcare—protects the workplace, though it challenges him. Coworkers’ backlash ignores her disrupted work and the sexism at play. She wasn’t obligated to warn him about HR, as his actions persisted despite her requests.

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She should document future interactions and discuss with HR how to address coworker hostility, possibly requesting a team memo on workplace responsibilities (SHRM.org). Offering to connect him with childcare resources could defuse tension without compromising boundaries. If sexism persists, consulting a labor lawyer may be prudent.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s dishing out fiery takes on this office childcare clash, with sharp support and a side of outrage—brace for the heat!

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[Reddit User] - NTA. You’re not a babysitting service. It’s especially insulting being left with the kids as a female. While his situation is unfortunate, it’s not your responsibility to fix.

bigbluebridge - Absolutely NTA. If your co-workers are so dead set on supporting a struggling and greiving single father, they are welcome to provide childcare themselves. (I had a manager who repeatedly tried to leave his infant with me while I was expected to run a medical clinic and see patients.

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There was no reason for the child to be present, other than it decreasing his childcare costs. On the third incidence of this, I was doing a mental health consult, and this putz walked out to attend a meeting, and said, 'Leaving *the baby* with you!' on his way out.

I simply closed the clinic, picked up said infant in carseat, and walked directly into the office of the Colonel. I interrupted his meeting by placing the carseat down and said, 'You forgot something. *Your* baby.' Bless her infant heart. I left; she screamed, and screamed, and screamed. He NEVER brought his baby to work again).. (edited to add missed word)

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Jedi_Mind_Chick - NTA. He has absolutely no business sending his children to your office w/o permission, as if you don't have work to do, yourself. If you told him to stop multiple times, you had every right to go to HR. It's disturbing your work and is unprofessional. He needs to find child care.

NiteGrimwood - NTA 'I understand that you are having a hard time but I am not your female replacement for watching your kids, do it yourself.' Id go to HR as well because this is not ok.

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ForzaA84 - Ok, I was absolutely ready to call you the AH based on the first two paragraphs.... But then the actual issue showed up - it's not that he *brings his kids*, it's that he dumps his kids on you. Going to HR is absolutely the right call.

What would happen if, god forbid, one of them had gotten into any sort of trouble (pulled a cable and got a shock, something dropped on them) while they were either 'on their way' to you, or in your 'care'(that you neither agreed to, nor, presumably, trained for). NTA (there's also the obvious issue of your work being significantly impacted that you need to CYA for, but even without that...)

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Positive_Mango_2783 - NTA - his kids are not your problem. Sorry for his loss but he only sent his kids to you bc you’re a woman. He would never try that with a man. You can let everyone know that you have no problem with him bringing his kids, but THEY can take turns looking after them.

Honestly, I would have locked my door and let the kids wander back to him and yelled from my office “go back to your dad!” He’s actually so rude for using the widower card and forcing you to look after his kids after you told him no.

DerekScott - NTA, and tell anyone that confronts you that he's lucky you didn't go the s**ual harassment route, since it's obvious he was leaving the kids with you since you're a woman. As for never warning him you would go to HR, why should you be expected to do that?

He was exhibiting wrong and sexist behavior, you asked him to stop (a courtesy you did NOT have to give first before reporting him) and when he refused to listen you escalated it. He should be happy that he still has his job.

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Academic_Snow_7680 - NTA this is sexism in action - why didn't he leave his kids with his male coworkers?? Because: Sexism.. 1. He did not ask you. He assumed.. 2. He did not even tell you. He acted entitled. 3. You are not paid to be his babysitter. He never acknowledged to your workplace that you were helping him out.

4. He sabotaged your job by dumping his kids on you. He valued himself more than you BECAUSE YOU ARE A WOMAN.. 5. He did all of this because you are a woman. This just showed the double standard and sexism at this workplace. If I were you I'd get myself a (female) labor-lawyer to guard your best interest.

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Do not accept this. Ask your coworkers why they didn't take care of his kids. Ask them if they would have liked to be dumped on like you were. Ask them why you specifically were targeted. Ask why you should let your job and the company suffer in order to help him out when nobody else was doing that.. Play hardball.

Left-Car6520 - ~~I confess I'm having a hard time believing that anyone or any workplace could be as clueless as your coworker or your company, but assuming this isn't some kinda bait...~~ \[Edit: OK ok, my disbelief has been proven naive - wow at all the stories of people who do this - what total f\*ckery!\]. Obviously NTA.

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Th ability to focus all your time on work/networking/hitting professional targets unencumbered by childcare responsibilities remains part of the reason why men tend to earn more than women in similar fields with similar educations. In this case it's just been distilled into the actual office with you being pushed into the place of the carer instead of the children's mother.

Obviously childcaring at work affects your job and prosepcts as much as it would his, except that they are not your responsibility. If your workplace is willing to have someone bring kids to work they could do that by supportively discussing how your co-workers is going to work childcare around their workload and timing and/or by having a creche, which some workplaces do.

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From a company point of view they need to think about the repercussions of having children on the site and what happens to them or the company if the kids aren't properly supervised, which they can't seem to be confident of in this situation. Anyway, you told him it was a problem, he declined to fix it, so you spoke to HR. That's what HR is for. He left you no choice.

Yisuscrais69 - NTA.. You're not his replacement wife/babymama.

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These are Reddit’s boldest opinions, but do they untangle the knot of empathy versus equity?

This saga of a forced babysitter and an HR showdown is a stark portrait of workplace sexism clashing with personal grief. Reddit cheers the woman’s stand, slamming her coworker’s assumptions and coworkers’ misdirected anger. It’s a vivid reminder that compassion shouldn’t trump fairness. How would you push back against unasked caregiving at work? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this office drama!

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