AITA for coming home early from meeting bf’s parents?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine landing in a new city, ready for a warm Canadian Thanksgiving with your boyfriend’s family, only to be hit with a question about drugs in your bag and a $30 bill for dinner. For one woman, this wasn’t a sitcom—it was her weekend. Stunned by the audacity, she bolted back home, leaving her boyfriend pleading and his parents griping.

This Reddit tale is a wild ride through hospitality gone wrong and relationship red flags. Was her early exit a justified escape from rudeness, or did she overreact to an odd family quirk? It’s a story that mixes shock, sass, and a pricey plane ticket, serving up a feast of debate.

‘AITA for coming home early from meeting bf’s parents?’

This Reddit post dishes out the details of a Thanksgiving trip that went from festive to fiasco. Here’s her story, straight from the source:

My bf and I went to see his parents for the first time this weekend. It’s Canadian thanksgiving. We were suppose to stay Sat, Sun and fly back afternoon Monday. I’m writing this Sun night already back in my own bed. My bf’s parents greeted us at the airport and brought us home. They then proceeded to ask me if I had drugs in my bag and I was pretty shocked because who asks that?

I said only Tylenol and they nodded and showed us to our rooms which meant I got the guest room and my bf was to sleep in his old room. His parents were serving dinner and during dinner I was asked to pay for my portion of the thanksgiving dinner ($30). I was pretty shocked and angry because who does that?

I’ve never been asked to pay for someone’s ingredient fees when a guest at their place. I didn’t answer and then confronted my bf in his room and asked why I was asked to pay. He just says it’s something they ask of their friends as well, when they have a bbq they ask people to pay their portion. Honestly I’m shocked they have friends.

I reminded him he has eaten at my parents place dozens of time and was never asked to pay. He claimed if they asked he would have but they never did. Because it’s rude to do that to a guest! But his mom came and got me and escorted me to my room. I was fuming and looking for tickets home and texted my bf to say I was going home tomorrow.

He called me and begged me to stay saying his family already don’t like me for not agreeing to pay for dinner and I’m just making it worse. I ignored him and rebooked an early flight (which was very expensive) and got a cab to the airport in the morning.

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I told my friends this who had confirmed they’ve never been asked to pay for a meal while they were a guest. And if they were struggling why even invite me over? Is this normal practice? Their house was pretty big I don’t think it was a money thing for them.

This Thanksgiving disaster is a masterclass in clashing expectations and poor communication. The boyfriend’s parents crossed a line with their drug question and dinner fee, alienating their guest, while her boyfriend’s failure to warn her set the stage for disaster.

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Etiquette expert Myka Meier notes, “Hospitality means making guests feel welcome, not interrogated or charged” (Source). A 2023 survey by YouGov found that 92% of people consider it rude to ask guests to pay for a home-cooked meal (Source). The parents’ behavior, from the drug query to the payment demand, screams inhospitality, likely rooted in control rather than financial need, given their “big house.”

The woman’s early departure was a bold stand for self-respect, though a calmer discussion might have clarified intentions. “Set boundaries firmly but kindly,” Meier advises. She could’ve paid the fee under protest, then discussed it with her boyfriend later. His dismissal of her feelings suggests deeper issues.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit brought the gravy, pouring out opinions as rich as a holiday feast. Here’s what the crowd served up:

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LetThemEatHay − Hooooo boy.. NTA. Congratulations, OP. You have received a rare and golden opportunity to view what your future with this man will look like. Don't take it lightly.

notmyprom − NTA that is WEIRD. But it’s also weird that bf didn’t warn you. Does he seriously think this is a normal way for guests to be treated in someone’s home?

nannylive − NTA. Just start over with a different boy. This one's family already broke him.

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princessofperky − Why didn't he warn you? And what was the drugs question? Why didn't he pay for you? So many questions. NTA.

Ghitit − NTA. It likely has nothing to do with money.. It has more to do with them being weird assholes. I have been invited to the home of friends who are poor- think: each parent has two jobs. Never once have they asked me to pay. They are gracious, generous, and kind.

It would have embarrassed them to ask for money. We didn't eat steak, but we ate delicious, nutritious food. I brought wine and dessert. I've never heard of such a thing. But I have little experience with Canadian customs. Somehow I don't think Canadians are ungracious louts.

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CatelinaBaylorfan − NTA. Did they pay for your transportation fee to get there? We're you two definitely invited? I am shocked that your boyfriend didn't warn you. 'FYI my parents are hostile, judgey, and will charge you for the holiday supper we are flying in to enjoy with them.'

Skizzybee − It's pretty offensive to ask someone staying in your house to pay for Thanksgiving dinner. Very unusual. Your BF is used to this behavior so in reality of there is an AH in this situation, it's your boyfriend. He could easily have said, hey my parents are weird. When they ask you for money, give them this $20 or whatever. It's kinda a tradition.

ivyjade42 − Another Canadian here. This is definitely not common. And the drugs question was super rude. You’re definitely NTA and good on you for leaving!

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General_Relative2838 − NTA. Asking you to pay for your food is incredibly rude. Your boyfriend should have warned you if only so you could have known to bring the money. I suspect he didn’t because he knows you wouldn’t have gone.

Asking for money for food is tacky, but asking if you had drugs is a dealbreaker. No one has to stay in a situation where they have been insulted. I think you handled the situation perfectly. You weren’t rude back. Who cares if they don’t like you? I don’t like them, and I’ve never met them.

sjjbee − NTA. I'd say find some other Canadians and poll them about the 'pay to eat' practice. I've never heard of it but I'm not Canadian. And as others have stated, you don't want to participate in this family dynamic. Move on while you still can.

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These Reddit takes are spicier than cranberry sauce, but do they miss the nuance of navigating a partner’s quirky family?

This story is a juicy blend of shock, principle, and a dash of petty. The woman’s swift exit dodged a weekend of discomfort, but did it burn a bridge with her boyfriend’s family? Could a witty comeback or a private chat have saved the holiday? What would you do if a host slapped you with a dinner bill or a rude question? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced a family meet-up that made you want to bolt?

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