AITA for choosing to spend my bday with my brother instead of my dad after he tried to bring step along?

A 16-year-old boy stands in his bustling home, where the air hums with the chaos of a newly blended family. His birthday, once a cherished day of kayaking and laughs with just his dad, now feels like a crowded stage where his stepbrother, Bryce, shares the spotlight. Frustrated by the constant “family time” and craving a moment of the old connection, he makes a bold move: ditch the group plan and spend the day with his older brother instead. Can you sense the ache in his heart, longing for a piece of the past amidst new faces?

This Reddit tale pulls us into a tangle of loyalty, love, and the struggle to find space in a home that’s suddenly too full. It’s a story that sparks empathy, making us wonder: how do you hold onto personal bonds when family dynamics shift? Let’s dive into this emotional journey.

‘AITA for choosing to spend my bday with my brother instead of my dad after he tried to bring step along?’

My dad got married last year and for a while his wife’s kids been living here too. I (16m) hate it tbh cause there no privacy we have to share everything even my room to her other 2 sons Bryce (15) and Alan(9). And everything is family time if we’re going to get ice cream or see a movie or go to the park it has to be everyone or no one goes.

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Like yeah I guess I’m used to only doing stuff with my dad and my older brother (24) so maybe that why it’s hard but still. We don’t spend anytime together AT ALL. For birthdays it was always a thing where my dad takes eachoth of us out to do something special. Then something later as a family together.

Even when my brother was living here with us, he always spent equal time but now everytime with him gotta be shared by everyone else. My birthday was on last Friday. We were supposed to go kayaking. And the thing is Bryce’s bday is same day as mines. So my dad tells me he’s coming too so we could celebrate our both birthdays but I didn’t want that.

I told my dad we never get a second to do something that only me an him. Yeah he got other kids now so it’s not gonna be the same time we spend together but we spend NO time at all anymore. And I ask him for once if this can be me and him. He told me he sorry we don’t hangout anymore and he knows all the time is going to them. But it Bryce birthday too and he wants to come.

It got me mad after telling him how I been feeling he still didn’t wanna make this only for me and him so I told him I don’t feel like going anymore. My dad told me to come with us but I didn’t want to. When they left my brother came to pick me up after I told him what happen. He took me to eat and we went to the movies which was fun.

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Now my dad think I’m TA for not choosing to go with my brother instead when it would’ve been nice if I was with him and Bryce. Also that I owe Bryce an apology for skipping out and going w my actual brother instead. Idk he seem like really hurt because he wanted us to do this together and he won’t say nothing to me for right now. AITA?

Blending families is like mixing a tricky recipe—too much of one ingredient can throw everything off. This teen’s plea for one-on-one time with his dad shines a light on a common issue: balancing individual relationships with group harmony. His dad’s insistence on including Bryce, while aiming for fairness, misses the mark on validating his son’s need for personal connection, stirring up resentment.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading family therapist, emphasizes, “Empathy is the glue that holds families together. Listening to a child’s needs builds trust” . The teen’s choice to spend his birthday with his brother is a healthy stand for his boundaries.

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To bridge this gap, the dad could schedule dedicated one-on-one time, like a morning kayak trip for his son and a separate outing for Bryce. Family meetings to discuss everyone’s needs could also help. The teen might consider calmly sharing specific activities he misses, like their old fishing trips, to reconnect with his dad without escalating tension.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s weighing in with takes hotter than a birthday candle meltdown! Here’s what the community had to say about this family drama:

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LefthandedLemur − NTA. Your dad is doing a bad job of blending the families. You made a reasonable request and he wouldn’t listen. It’s good that you have your brother to help you out! The good news is you only have two more years of dealing with your dad’s house.

justsippingteahere − NTA- your Dad really should work harder to understand where you are coming from. If he had just split the day spent some alone time with you and then asked you to do a family activity- there wouldn’t have been a problem. He needs to own up to his unwillingness to meet you where you are at is causing this

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Mudbuttbro69 − NTA. I get that your dad is trying to blend the families and all, but he shouldn’t n**lect his kid’s needs. You didn’t choose your stepmom and her kids, your dad did. On another note, your older brother sounds like an awesome guy for taking you out to celebrate. Hang in there.

mum3masterofnone − Nta. You opened up to your dad and he shut you down. I don't think your request was unreasonable. And he should understand that you may be finding it hard to adjust. Also he shouldn't be forcing all this spending time every time together on you straight away. It should have been gradual so I can understand you feeling a little resentment.

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BeginningReasonable9 − NTA, you wanted to spend individual time with your dad on your birthday. It doesn't matter if you share it with Bryce but you wanted him alone. Where's your sm in this? Where's Bryce's biological father?

TwoCentsPsychologist − NTA Your dad should have had time for just you two. And Then, can do something else with Bryce or all together. in trying to be part of New kids life, he’s checking out of his own kids lives.

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Past-Ad3676 − NTA. Blending families can be tricky and it takes time to adjust--but everyone in the family needs to have their feelings considered. It's not fair or reasonable to expect you to suddenly be okay with doing everything with everyone all the time; to lose your personal space and privacy;

and never get any one-on-one time with your dad--especially when he promises it to you and then changes plans at the last minute. Your dad needs to stop trying to force your family into whatever perfect-family-fantasy he has in his head and *listen* to you. Just remember that Bryce and Alan are having to make adjustments, too.

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d0xo − NTA - it's valid to want to spend time together just one-on-one. It sucks that you and your step brother have the same birthday so I can understand why your dad might have wanted to do an all three of you situation, but he could have done something where he could spend one on one time on a different day. Also, it's not like you ditched and spent the time with strangers, you spent it with your brother.

KitchenCellist − NTA! But your dad kind of is for no longer spending 1:1 time with you. If he had been spending that time with you already, you might not have minded spending your bday with Bryce too.

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Fun-Community6389 − NTA- I don't want to mean but that's your dad. He can spend morning with you and evening with him. Also where is your Step mother *it's her son too?She should spend time with him too.

These Reddit opinions rally behind the teen, but do they capture the full story? Blending families is a messy dance, and maybe Bryce is feeling the squeeze too.

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This birthday clash serves up a raw look at the challenges of blended families, where personal needs can get lost in the shuffle. The teen’s stand for his own space is bold, but it begs the question: how do you balance everyone’s needs without someone feeling pushed out? If you were in his shoes, craving that one-on-one connection, what would you do? Drop your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this conversation rolling!

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