AITA for choosing to go with my girlfriend’s parents house instead of celebrating b-day with family at a restaurant I don’t like?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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Picture a vibrant Mexican restaurant, buzzing with the lively strum of mariachi guitars, where a young man grimaces amidst the noise, yearning for a quieter birthday. For years, this 20-year-old Reddit user has endured his family’s tradition of celebrating at a loud eatery he dislikes, despite voicing his discomfort. This year, he took a stand, choosing a cozy evening at his girlfriend’s parents’ house over the usual chaotic dinner. His family, however, didn’t take kindly to the change.

The decision sparked a heated clash, with accusations of rejecting family and culture flying his way. Caught between personal comfort and familial expectations, he turned to Reddit to settle the score. This tale of birthday blues and boundary-setting is a relatable dive into the tug-of-war between tradition and individual choice, inviting readers to ponder: whose day is it, anyway?

‘AITA for choosing to go with my girlfriend’s parents house instead of celebrating b-day with family at a restaurant I don’t like?’

Every year on my birthday my family always dragged me (20M) to this same mexican restaurant I don’t like but they love it. Not a fan of the food but one thing I don’t like is how loud it is. They have a live mariachi band that plays music.

I don’t love or hate mariachi music (grew up listening to it in my household) but I just don’t like live music in general. And definitely not at a restaurant where it’s impossible to hear what anyone’s saying.

A few times growing up I ask if we can go somewhere else, my mom knows I don’t like that place but nope they always convince me to celebrate there. Today was my 20th b-day an my GF’s parents asked if I wanted to do something at their house weeks ago.

I told them yes and I let my family know that I’m gonna be at my girlfriend’s and we can do something day after or if they wanna come too. My mom didn’t like that I’d rather go celebrate at their house than come with them to the restaurant.

I reminded her that I always hated that place and she knows this. So I’d rather do something with her family since they’re gonna be making food so they can come too if they want. But they said no. Today came around my mom called to tell happy birthday and hopes I changed my mind. I told her no.

They all got mad at me. My parents, my aunt and sisters. Now it’s that I’m rejecting my family and a tradition of going to this same place to celebrate something special. I didn’t know what else to say. I invited them to come with us or we can do something else tmrw.

Just don’t wanna go to that place. They don’t wanna do anything but my mom said some stuff to me about not appreciating family or my “culture”. Whatever that means. Just once wanted to do something I actually wanted to but its pissed my family. AITA?

Choosing where to celebrate your birthday should be a simple joy, but for this Reddit user, it’s a battleground of family tradition versus personal comfort. His family’s insistence on a loud Mexican restaurant, despite his dislike, pits their love for routine against his need for a pleasant experience. His compromise—inviting them to his girlfriend’s parents’ house or offering another day—shows flexibility, yet their refusal and accusations of cultural betrayal reveal a deeper clash.

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This scenario mirrors broader tensions around family traditions. A 2022 Pew Research study found that 60% of young adults feel pressure to uphold family customs, even when they conflict with personal preferences. The user’s choice reflects a growing trend of prioritizing individual well-being over collective expectations, especially among younger generations.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Respecting individual boundaries strengthens family ties, not weakens them”. His insight suggests the family’s rigidity may undermine their bond, while the user’s stance is a healthy assertion of autonomy. They could benefit from open dialogue to find a new tradition that works for all.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit brought the heat to this birthday brawl, serving up sharp opinions with a dash of wit. Here’s what the community had to say about this family feud:

Silthinis - NTA. It's your birthday, you get to choose what you want to do. Them wanting to celebrate in that particular restaurant is about what *they* want. You tried to include them in something you actually wanted to do, and they passed.

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Lovely_Lucario227 - NTA. You're an adult and, from the sound of it, you don't live under their roof anymore. Your family is really self-centered to take you to the same place every year and they know you don't like it.

If your family really cared about you, they wouldn't want to go someplace where they know you'll be uncomfortable or miserable. Why do they push that particular place on you anyway? If the problem is appreciating Mexican heritage (just a guess),

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there are tons of them that don't have live music and the food might be a bit better. There could've been compromises made but all they cared about was themselves.. I hope you have a wonderful birthday, OP, and God bless your girlfriend and her family.

[Reddit User] - NTA. What the f**k? They turned YOUR birthday celebration into a FAMILY tradition, doing something that YOU hate, on YOUR own birthday? Ditch them dude. Your girlfriend's parents sound like nice people.. ​

Whatever your family says about 'disrespecting your culture' , 'family tradition', blah blah blah should just go in one ear and come out the other. Don't take anything to heart. And DON'T apologize.

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[Reddit User] - Not an a**hole . It is your birthday and you should be able to pick where you want to go . I don't blame you at all for celebrating with your girlfriend

Destination_Centauri - NTA. Your mom and entire family are behaving like a bunch of primitive malignant narcissistic neanderthals!. It's your birthday, so you get to decide.. If they really (really) loved you, they'd go celebrate your birthday where-ever you decided..

So rest easy, you didn't do anything wrong, and happy friggin birthday dude!. ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ. 🎂 🍸 🍹 🎵 🎶. (Sorry... above celebratory emojis appear a little bit reminiscent of a Mexican Restaurant birthday theme!)

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BeatsByDrPepper - NTA, sweet of your gf's parents to offer to cook for you, it's ya birthday, you get to decide how to celebrate

faeriekissage - So, my birthday is also Christmas. Do you know how s**tty it is being born on Christmas? When I moved out I said f**k Christmas and only celebrate my birthday. I don’t do Christmas with my family because they don’t know how to include my birthday, and refuse to. So, you do you. NTA, celebrate in whatever way brings you joy.

[Reddit User] - NTA. That's BS that they dragged you out to a restaurant you don't like supposed to celebrate your birthday.

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[Reddit User] - They don’t wanna do anything but my mom said some stuff to me about not appreciating family or my “culture”. IN.FO: are you Mexican? I can't decide what answer makes your parents more of an AH than they already are.

However this is a tradition they made and know you do not like, why are they upholding it? Why wouldn't you, on *your* birthday, want to do something you would enjoy instead of suffering for the family's amusement. NTA, sounds like the new tradition is dinner with the gf's parents.

Syndren - NTA. Holy s**t dude are you me? Mexican here and I had that exact same problem with my family, but with parties. Everyone always wants to throw a party to celebrate someone's birthday or other little things and it drives me up the wall.

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I don't like parties, I don't like loud places, and I definitely don't like to be in crowded areas. This has been an ongoing thing for me for years and it started near my quinceñera. I didn't want one because I realized I don't like parties.

What does my family do when I announce I don't want a quinceñera? Guilt trip me.No one couldn't respect my boundaries after I turned 21 when, again, I didn't want a fiesta. Everyone, even my sisters, were upset I didn't want to go clubbing or something.

They wanted me to go to a strip club which I heavily denied because I don't want to see dancing nearly n**ed men! All I did was chill at home, eat cheesecake and I was happy. Stick to your guns, my dude. I've been in your shoes many times and I will keep doing it even if it upsets my family.

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These fiery takes cheer the user’s stand, but do they capture the full story? Reddit’s clear: it’s his day, his way—family traditions be damned!

This birthday saga, filled with mariachi music and family friction, highlights the challenge of carving out personal space within cherished traditions. The Reddit user’s choice to prioritize his comfort over a noisy restaurant tradition sparked a family uproar, but it also opened a conversation about whose wishes matter most. As he navigates this clash, the question lingers: how do you honor family while staying true to yourself? What would you do if your birthday plans upset the family apple cart? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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