AITA for choosing my sister in law over my brother?

A teenager found herself torn between family loyalty and personal values after her brother’s marriage suddenly collapsed. The 17-year-old explained on a social network that her older brother and his wife had been together since they were teenagers and had built a life that seemed stable to everyone around them. When the truth about his secret relationship came out, the situation changed overnight.

The couple separated, divorce became inevitable, and the brother moved back into the family home. While the parents tried to remain supportive of their son despite their disappointment, the teenager struggled to look at him the same way. Instead of distancing herself from her sister-in-law, she chose to help care for the children and support her during the difficult transition. That decision sparked a new conflict inside the family about where loyalty should truly lie.

‘AITA for choosing my sister in law over my brother?’

A long marriage suddenly raised questions after a mysterious weekend trip.

Me (F17), Brother (F29), Sister in law (F29). My brother Jake (fake name) and sister in law Ashley (fake name) had been together since they were 15. They got married...

Ashley and i have always been close, she’s like the big sister i never had. My whole family love and adore her and her and Jake always seemed to have...

A couple of weeks ago, Jake went on a trip with some friends for the weekend because it was one of their birthdays. Ashley didn’t go and stayed home with...

However during the trip Jake only checked in with Ashley once which was when he arrived at the destination and never again after that. It was unusual because he’s always...

Ashley decided to call one of Jake’s friends to see if something had happened but when his friend answered he told Ashley that there was no trip and he had...

Concern quickly turned into shock when the truth about the trip surfaced.

After that we told Ashley to come and stay with us for the rest of the weekend as she was a bit distraught. My brother eventually came home on the...

Before he returned we asked Ashley what she wanted to do with what she knew, she told us not to bring it up with Jake and not to jump to...

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After my brother arrived, he and Ashley headed back to their house. A few days later my brother messaged my mom to see if he could stay at ours for...

Not too long after, Ashley messaged us and told us that she confronted him about the trip and how she knew it didn’t exist.

He kept denying it and said that she was just being crazy and that he just lost his phone. He eventually confessed that he was at a coworker’s house and...

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The fallout from that confession left the teenager choosing between family members.

His excuse was that Ashley and him hardly had s__ anymore and so he needed to find someone to full fill his needs. Ashley ended up kicking him out and...

My brother ended up moving in with us until he finds a place of his own and until the divorce is finalised. I haven’t spoken to him since he moved...

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All i can do is look at him in disgust, i have so much h__red towards him after what he done to Ashley. My parents are disappointed in him but...

They told me to forgive him because he is my brother but i just can’t. I have started going to Ashley’s everyday after school to help with the kids and...

My brother found out about this and is mad at me for going over there. He told me to cut her off since they are not together anymore and says...

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I told him that she will always be a part of our family because she is the mother of your kids. Just because you f*cked up your relationship with her...

I told him that i will choose her over you if it comes down to that. After that argument he has not spoken to me or even looked at me.

Every time he sees me he walks the other way. My parents have told me to apologise and fix things with him but i don’t think that will ever happen.

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My other brothers have sided with him and all think i’m a piece of s__t for choosing Ashley over my brother. Deep down i still love my brother and don’t...

Family conflicts following infidelity often ripple far beyond the couple directly involved. When a long-term relationship ends suddenly, extended relatives frequently find themselves forced to reconsider loyalties, traditions, and emotional bonds that formed over many years.

In this situation, the teenager’s perspective is shaped by the role Ashley has played in her life since childhood. When someone enters a family at a young age and remains present for more than a decade, the connection can resemble that of siblings rather than distant in-laws. What makes the situation harder is that the children involved still link both sides together. Maintaining contact with Ashley may feel natural to someone who wants to support her nieces and nephews and remain part of their lives.

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From another angle, parents and siblings may focus on preserving relationships within the immediate family. Some relatives encourage forgiveness or reconciliation because they fear permanent divisions between siblings. Yet emotional reactions to betrayal vary widely, especially when someone witnesses the pain it caused. Ultimately, this conflict reflects a broader social question: whether loyalty should follow blood ties alone or extend to relationships built through years of shared family life.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Many readers strongly supported the teenager and praised her decision to stand by Ashley and the children.

lianavan − Your brother is a d__k. The rest of your family are enabling his bad behaviour. Maybe when Ashley takes away the grandkids they might change theur tune. You...

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whatdoidonowdamnit − NTA. She’s been in your life since you were what? three years old? I’d think she’s just as much your sibling as he is at this point.

blueberryxxoo − NTA Ashley is the mother of your nieces/nephews. She is the mother of your brother's children so whether he likes it or not, Ashley is going to be...

I don't get your parents. That's their grandchildren who he's decided to hurt, as well as Ashley. You have every right to be angry. I would not apologize.

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I would continue to help with the kids. If he wants to apologize to YOU for being an ass about the whole thing then okay (by this I mean being...

bayshorevgllc − I find your brother’s behavior very bizarre. He cheats and then tells you to sever ties with the mother of your nieces and nephews. You are a good...

kittymeowmixi − NTA: you seem like the only one in your family who has a normal moral compass.

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Some commenters shared mixed perspectives or reflected on the complicated nature of family loyalty.

Razszberry − Stick with Ashley and dump the family. It’s both a damn shame and a huge testament to your character, op, that at 17 you have stepped up when...

Well done, op. Stand your ground and hold that chin up high. What’s right is not always popular and what’s popular isn’t always right.

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ArmChairDetective84 − I’m thinking your brothers are just like him and worry that they learned that behavior from someone …I’ll leave you to ponder that . Personally, I wouldn’t want...

He’s not just a cheater , he’s a liar & a s__tty dad if you’re the one helping her with HIS kids . I wouldn’t apologize to him just to...

A few others added lighter or more reflective takes to ease the tension of the discussion.

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A_Heavy_burden22 − I have 2 brothers where I chose their gf/wife over them. I have zero regrets. My eldest brother cheated on and left his gf even though she lived...

She stayed living with us! ! What did he expect? My parents to kick out their grandson and a young girl (brother 19, girl 18) for a cheater? Nah. She...

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She was always super sweet and funny. She made me godmother to one ofnher kids. We were really really close for like a decade after thar.

Meanwhile my brother was fine going on d__g binges, being an AH, and occasionally coming home to treat his kid like s__t. My other older brother was married for maybe...

Something like that. I remember meeting her when they first started dating. Getting to know her as their marriage progressed. I nannied their 1st baby but then I had a...

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He was always super cruel and toxic to me and I had finally had enough. FF about 5 years and it comes out that he cheated on his wife and...

Since then, I've been able to get closer to my ex-sister in law and get to know my nieces again and it's been great.

When I was giving birth to my kids and being scared during covid and throwing birthday parties for them - who showed up? She did. Not him. The bad behavior...

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If anything, it's best to keep contact and good relations to your SIL if you want to keep close to your nieces/nephews. You can love him AND choose to continue...

lizzyote − He chose to make her family when he married her and was with her for over a decade. He brought her into the family fold.

But he's not the only person in the family and it's not up to him to dictate who is and who isn't family, just like it isn't their place to...

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After over a decade, and actual blood related niblings, she's your family. Ask your mom if she'd be cool with your dad cheating on her and you choosing his side.

dorkasaurus-reckt − Saying you all need to cut her and his kids out? That’s next level villainry. His kids are really that disposable to him that as soon as she...

they’re nothing to him and should have no connection to their family? Disgusting behavior. NTA. Really mature and a good person with strong morals.

Don’t relinquish any of your relationship with her or your nieces and nephews. And quite honestly shame to your parents. Your brother seems like a selfish lost cause

The situation highlights how complicated family loyalty can become after betrayal. A teenager who grew up viewing her sister-in-law as family chose to maintain that relationship, especially because the children remain an important part of her life. Meanwhile, other relatives feel that supporting the brother might preserve unity inside the household.

Stories like this often spark debate because there is no single definition of family. For some people, shared history and emotional bonds carry just as much weight as blood ties. Others believe conflicts between spouses should remain separate from the rest of the family. What do you think someone should do in this situation? Should loyalty automatically go to a sibling, or is it reasonable to stay close to a former in-law after a divorce—especially when children are involved?

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