AITA for choosing my niece and nephew who I barely know over my fiancee?

In a quiet apartment, a 27-year-old man grapples with a heart-wrenching call: his sister and her husband have died, leaving their young children with nowhere to go. Having lost contact with his sister years ago over his coming out as gay, he’s never met his niece and nephew. Yet, the thought of them in foster care stirs a fierce resolve to step up. But his childfree fiancé balks, threatening their engagement. It’s a gut-punch moment where love, duty, and loss collide.

Readers feel the weight of his choice—honoring family he barely knows or preserving the life he planned. This Reddit tale isn’t just about picking sides; it’s about navigating grief, responsibility, and irreconcilable differences. With emotions running high and Reddit buzzing, this story dives into the raw messiness of doing what’s right when it costs everything. Let’s unpack the heartbreak.

‘AITA for choosing my niece and nephew who I barely know over my fiancee?’

My parents died when me (27) and my sister (37) were 15 and 25.. My sister became my legal guardian until I was 18. We became very close after our parents death we had very little other family mmbers and the one we did have lived far alway and we didn't know well.

We only had each other. But as time went on we became two very different people.. When I turn 22 our relationship pretty much came to a end. I came out as gay. My sister had married into a very reaglious family and had taken on thier views.. She cut me off completely after I came out.

We have spoken since.. It hurt and cause me to go to a dark place. She was the only family I had.. Well sadly last week I got a call that my sister and her husband had passed in a accident.. It broke my heart because I alway hope some day we could reconnect..

The call was about her kids and how they were having trouble locating family to take them. She had two Eden (4) Jeremiah (6). Her husband didn't have siblings or close cousins and his parents were in assistant living.. I was pretty much the only family left. I knew I had a niece and nephew

but had never met them due to my sister cutting me off.. I was told if I don't take them they go into foster care. Now I have alway be anti having kids. I never really wanted to be a Dad. And well I know taken them in doesn't exactly make me a Dad it does come with the same responsibility. I'm not asking whether or not to take them in.

I'm doing that. Weather it make me the a**hole or not.. No way I letting them go into foster care. I seen to many horror stories. I have a good job and I can give them a good life.. The issue is my fiancee is also childfree and is strictly agaist me taken them in..

I'm asking whether I'm the a**hole for possible calling my wedding off if my fiancee doesn't change his mind. My fiancee has helped with through a lot. When my sister cut me off I had a scary mental breakdown and went to a dark place. He helped me alot and stood by me though it all And we did both agree when we started dating we didnt want kids.

Which is why I gave him the out. That if he didn't want this life he could leave no hard feeling and i that wouldn't think any less of him. . I know he didn't sign up for this. But he say s hat I'm the a**hole for making choose. That I shouldn't be picking two kids i never met over him.. So

ADVERTISEMENT

Edit: The kids will not be here for at least a month likley more. Due to the fact I have a had no reationship with them this is being treated similar to foster care would. There is alot of paper work I need to fill out . Backround checked and home visits, and a few more things that need to be done first.. AITA for choosing my niece and nephew I never met over my fiancee.

Life’s curveballs don’t get much heavier than this. The man’s choice to take in his niece and nephew, despite never meeting them, reflects a deep sense of duty born from loss. His fiancé’s resistance, rooted in a shared childfree commitment, is valid but clashes painfully with this new reality. The tension—family obligation versus personal plans—highlights a no-win scenario where both sides risk heartbreak.

ADVERTISEMENT

About 1.5 million U.S. children live with non-parent relatives, often due to parental loss, per a 2023 Census report. Taking in kin can prevent foster care trauma but demands major life adjustments. The fiancé’s ultimatum, while harsh, stems from a breached agreement, complicated by the man’s past mental health struggles.

Dr. Pauline Boss, a family therapist, notes, “Sudden family changes, like loss or new responsibilities, can strain even strong relationships”. Here, the man’s compassion is heroic, but his fiancé’s feelings deserve space. Dr. Boss’s insight suggests open dialogue is crucial. The couple needs honest talks—possibly with a therapist—to weigh their futures. The man should prepare for parenting challenges, perhaps seeking support groups.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s got heart and grit on this one, serving up empathy and real talk in equal measure. Here’s the raw scoop from the community—compassionate and unfiltered.

[Reddit User] - NAH. You are totally right to want to take those kids in, but I understand why that would not please your fiancé if having kid was never in his life plans.. You love each other, but now your life plans have drastically change, and they are not compatible anymore.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] - This is a no win situation, OP. I’m so sorry. Whatever you decide someone is going to get hurt. I am certainly not going to say anyone is an a**hole. This is a tragedy , with life changing consequences for those left behind (and how trite that sounds).. NAH.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Your fiance isn’t an a**hole for not wanting kids. He’s not even the a**hole if he broke up with you because he doesn't want kids. But what I think makes him an a**hole is telling you that YOU’RE an a**hole for being thrust into an impossible unpredictable scenario

and choosing the best choice you could think to. It’s not his place to make that judgement. I’m so sorry about your sister. I think what you’re doing, taking in your niece and nephew, is very honorable. They will be better off for having you in their life.

ADVERTISEMENT

Lawn_Orderly - NAH. Your fiancee gets to decide how they want to live their life. You get to choose how to live yours. Thanks for being there for these kids.

reditteditred - The saddest thing here is that the sister abandoned you for her new families beliefs, and there doesn't appear to be a family at all if there is nobody on her husband's side to take the children. Just a couple of bitter elderly people. Meet the kids first.

They may already be anti-gay, and it could be an absolute nightmare for you. Things could obviously change over time, but you may be getting yourself into an incredibly stressful mess that could take you back into a dark place, without the person that helped you last time.. NTA, but don't commit yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

strangerfish2 - NAH. Tough situation, but there's no way you're an AH for taking the kids if that's what you feel called to do. On the other hand, of course your fiance isn't obligated to become a parent...

Sounds like there are some tough conversations ahead, and it sounds like you already realize this may be the end of your engagement. None of this will be easy, but as long as you are transparent, communicative and decisive, there are no AH here.

AbbyFB6969 - NAH. You have chosen the humane path, at great cost and inconvenience to yourself. Nobody would have judged you for letting them go, but you are an awesome person. You are not nagging your partner to stay with you, you are acknowledging their right to choose their life.. I wish you luck with your family.

ADVERTISEMENT

daddydeadbird - NAH - both sides are valid. Best wishes OP.

teeterleeter - NAH. Brutal and unfair situation you and fiancé have been thrust into. You’re doing the right thing.

deemossy - NTA. Life happens and you are stuck in situations where neither choice gives you the life you planned. I can see why he doesn’t want kids but I work with foster kids everyday snd it’s luck of the draw if they get a great family. But being a parent is very inconvenient and sometimes miserable (when they enter their tweens).

ADVERTISEMENT

Saying all that, I wouldn’t give my (now thankful grown children) away. I would really have to think about it now if you get relatives needed me though, including any grandchildren as my life plan is pretty set and stone, and a resentful parent is not a good parent. So make sure you can really commit.

These Reddit takes cut deep, but do they capture the full weight of choosing family over love?

This Reddit saga asks: what do you sacrifice when duty calls? The man’s choice to protect his niece and nephew, even at the cost of his engagement, is a testament to love’s many forms. But his fiancé’s hurt reminds us that no choice is painless. What would you do when faced with an impossible fork in the road? Drop your stories below—have you ever had to choose between family and a partner? Let’s keep the convo going.

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *