AITA for changing plans with my best friend, so my brother won’t hit on her?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a cozy afternoon of baking with your lifelong best friend, laughter filling the air—until your brother swoops in, turning your bonding time into a rom-com starring him and your friend, his girlfriend. For one person, this scenario is all too real. Tired of their brother’s constant PDA stealing the spotlight, they switched plans to hang out at their friend’s place, only to face family backlash for sidestepping the love fest.

Was it wrong to carve out uninterrupted friend time, or is the family overreacting? This Reddit tale dives into the tricky balance of sibling dynamics, friendship loyalty, and budding romance, where a simple plan change stirred up more than just cookie dough.

‘AITA for changing plans with my best friend, so my brother won’t hit on her?’

My bestfriend and I have been friends since we were about 3 and a half. My brother is a year older than me, him and my bestfriend have been dating for over year. I don't really care that they're dating, they make eachother happy and I have no problem with disowning my brother.

What I do have a problem with, is when my bestfriend comes over my brother always makes it about the two of them. If we're baking my brother will go in behind her and 'help' her mix or roll anything that needs mixing or rolling. There have been a few times where my best friend will have to tell my brother to go away because she can't focus on anything if he's there.

She always does apologise to me when it happens, but its not her fault. She was supposed to be coming over tommorow (its safe). I told my brother that he needs to stop taking her from me whenever she's here. My brother being who he is, took it as a joke. So, I called her and asked if we could do it at her place, she agreed.

Now, my siblings and mom are telling me it was an AH move and that I should of just dealt with it. I disagree, if my brother wants to be with her go for it, but don't purposefully sabotage the limited time I have with her. (Her dad just got back from a buissness trip in London, so she's been spending it a lot with him).. My dad is on my side because my brother literally has plans with her next week. So reddit AITA?

Edit: It was a joke. Like she is bestfriend,I love her with everything in my heart. If my brother breaks her heart, I will disown him (that's the joke).  Edit 2: If she asks him he will hug or kiss her cheek or something and then leave. If I ask, its like I'm talking to a brick wall. He's not like this with everyone, LITERALLY just me. Edit 3: I was told to include this because its 'important info':

My bestfriend is the first girl that I've seen my brother with, that actually has feelings that he reciprocates yk. My bf is the first person that I can really tell my brother loves. The only reason I will admit I think I'm the AH is because my bf goes to a different school and the only times my brother gets to see her is when she comes over or when they go out which is a lot given there EXTREMELY busy schedules.

They do txt and call but he doesn't really get to see her in person as often as I do. Edit 4: We go to diffrent schools in different cites. My bestfriend quite literally goes to a school on the opposite side of the country. We live in England.

Navigating a best friend’s romance with your sibling is like juggling flaming torches—tricky but doable with clear boundaries. The OP’s decision to switch hangout locations was a practical move to preserve their friendship’s sanctity. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Healthy relationships respect individual needs, even within close-knit families” . The brother’s flirtatious interruptions, despite requests to stop, show a lack of respect for his sister’s time with her friend.

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The family’s criticism reflects a common dynamic: 65% of families face tension when balancing individual and group needs . The brother’s focus on his girlfriend, while understandable given their limited in-person time, overshadows the OP’s right to one-on-one moments. The friend’s apologies suggest she values the friendship, but her inability to set boundaries with the brother complicates things.

Gottman advises open communication to resolve such conflicts. The OP could calmly explain to their brother how his actions disrupt their time, proposing a schedule that balances everyone’s needs. Resources like The Sibling Survival Guide by Dawn Huebner offer strategies for sibling harmony. By fostering mutual respect, the trio can enjoy their connections without stepping on toes, inviting readers to share their own boundary-setting tips.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew rolled up with opinions hotter than a fresh-baked cookie, dishing out support and a few side-eyes. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

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QuixoticLogophile − NTA You're not running for office, so your family don't get a vote where you and your bestie hang out. It's no one's business but you and your friend. Your family is just trying to insert themselves where they don't belong. Your brother is a light TA here. Definitely not you.

madisengreen − NTA you are allowed to have alone time with your BF. She didn't have a problem with it, so problem solved.

elmowasablatch − ~~Your brother sounds like he's being selfish and has a possessive or jealous streak.~~ \[Edit after reading reply below.\] A well-adjusted guy wouldn't have a problem with his girlfriend hanging out with her lifelong friend without needing to be there himself, especially if the friend is his own sister.

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I think you should talk to your brother and make it clear to him that you're not joking and you want to hang out with your friend without her boyfriend always being there. And you are not an AH for taking steps to make that happen,

especially because it seems like your friend agrees with you (but why she apparently can't communicate that to him is perhaps for a different post lol).. Edit: changed my vote to NAH after additional info below (and now in the OP).

Ciecie33 − NTA - You made plans with your friend, you should get to spend the time with her. Your mother/siblings can play matchmaker on their time.

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FurryTailedTreeRat − NTA he needs to stop making you the third wheel simple as that

SimonSpooner − NTA. Why would you be the a**hole for hanging out at her place and not yours? Your brother is her boyfriend, if he wants to see her he can organize a date with her for the two of them.

lil_zaku − NTA - Your brother should just take her out on dates or plan to hang out with her separately. Why would any guy want to flirt with their younger sibling around. Weird

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millennialfungus − NTA. I actually think that is a good solution - you spending time alone with your friend, your brother spending time alone with her and I would suggest the three of you spending time together as well. You might feel like a third wheel a bit, but I do believe that your relationship with your brother will improve if he sees that you support him and your friend being together...

heksnsb − What do you mean by I have no problem with disowning my brother??

[Reddit User] − NTA you want to hang out with your best friend. What is wrong with your mother? Of course you don’t want your brother there. You already have to deal with him dating, that doesn’t mean you should have to have him around the entire time.

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Redditors largely backed the OP, cheering their move to protect friend time, though some saw the brother’s side given his limited chances to see his girlfriend. The debate got lively, but does it miss the nuance of balancing love and friendship?

This story shows how love can complicate even the tightest friendships, especially when family’s involved. The OP’s plan switch was a bid to preserve their bond with their best friend, but it ruffled family feathers. Clear boundaries and honest talks could keep everyone happy without anyone feeling sidelined. How would you handle a sibling’s romance encroaching on your bestie time? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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