AITA for catching my cousin stealing in front of our entire family?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a cozy living room filled with the hum of family chatter, an 18-year-old college student felt a sting of betrayal. Her prized makeup, bought with hard-earned savings, kept vanishing whenever her 7-year-old cousin visited. Yesterday, the tension bubbled over into a dramatic showdown that left the room silent—except for the cousin’s sobs. What started as a simple question about a missing lip gloss spiraled into a family feud, with accusations of pettiness and demands for apologies flying. Was this young woman wrong to call out a child’s sticky fingers in front of everyone?

The incident has sparked heated debate about boundaries, family dynamics, and the lessons we teach kids. Readers can’t help but wonder: where’s the line between holding someone accountable and public shaming? The story unfolds with raw emotion, pulling us into a relatable clash of right, wrong, and family loyalty.

‘AITA for catching my cousin stealing in front of our entire family?’

I(F18) noticed 6 months back that one of my lipsticks was missing and didn’t think much of it thinking “I’ll find it somewhere” and some time after a pair of my earrings go missing around the time my younger cousin(7F) comes around to play and it didn’t take long for me to realise that she steals something every time she comes over.

Yesterday, she came over again and just like I thought one of my expensive makeup items was missing, she was still at home playing while our parents were chatting, so I call her in the living room and ask sweetly if she can show me what’s in her bag.

She freezes up and refuses, so I grab her bag and pull out what she stole, she starts weeping and crying and claims that I gave her that to keep it which I didn’t. To my surprise, her mother calls me a “spoiled b**ch” for making “a poor child cry who doesn’t know wrong and right” and “even if she did steal that cheap thing you didn’t have to humiliate her in front of everybody.”

And my mother agreed with her and let my cousin KEEP that lip gloss. My parents are calling me petty that I’m upset by a child, but I paid for it for my own money that’s not always easy to save as a college student. My dad says he’ll get me another one, but only if I apologise to my cousin.. Should I apologise to her?

This sticky situation highlights the delicate balance of teaching kids accountability without crossing into public humiliation. The college student’s frustration is understandable—her hard-earned possessions were taken, and her family’s response only deepened the sting. The cousin’s mother and the OP’s parents dismissed the theft, framing it as childish innocence. But at seven, most kids grasp the concept of “mine” versus “not mine,” especially when hiding their actions, as child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham notes: “By age seven, children understand ownership and can learn consequences for taking what’s not theirs” (source: DrLauraMarkham.com).

The opposing perspectives here are clear. The OP wants respect for her belongings, while the family prioritizes shielding the child from embarrassment. Their defense, however, risks enabling bad behavior. Studies show that 60% of parents struggle to enforce consistent consequences for kids’ misbehavior, often due to guilt or family pressure (source: ParentingScience.com). By letting the cousin keep the lip gloss, the adults may inadvertently teach her that stealing has no real repercussions.

This situation reflects a broader issue: how families handle accountability can shape a child’s moral compass. Ignoring theft now could lead to bigger boundary issues later. Dr. Markham’s advice—calmly discussing actions and consequences—offers a path forward. The OP could try a private talk with her cousin, explaining why stealing hurts, while setting firm boundaries, like locking her room during visits.

For solutions, the OP should stand her ground but avoid escalating family tension. A neutral conversation with her parents, emphasizing her financial constraints, might help. If they insist on an apology, she could frame it carefully: “I’m sorry for how this unfolded, but I need my belongings respected.” This maintains her stance while de-escalating.

ADVERTISEMENT

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of wit and wisdom on this family drama. Here are some of their spicier takes:

HowardProject − NTA - ask your parents if they remember how old you were the first time they told you not to steal s**t?. Seven is little bit too old to be pulling this crap. Sounds like you need to start putting everything up out-of-reach or locking your door when Little Miss five finger discount visits.

usernameawesome1 − NTA. Nope don't apologize. They are enabling entitled behavior. A 7yr old is old enough to know stealing vs a gift. I would lock your door from now on. Also, if you haven't already, mention the previous times missing while she has been there.

ADVERTISEMENT

RedoubtableSouth − making “a poor child cry who doesn’t know wrong and right”. I can't wrap my head around people who say this as a reason to let a child off on the consequences of their actions. If a child really *doesn't* know right from wrong, then we *teach* them better through discussion and logical consequences.

We don't just excuse the behavior and do nothing, that won't help, it won't solve the problem of the child not knowing better. Plus, seven is old enough to have grasped the concept of 'my stuff' and 'not my stuff' and 'I don't get to take stuff that isn't mine.' Also the fact that she hid it in her purse is indicitive that she *does* know better. A kid that didn't know better wouldn't bother to hide their actions.. NTA.

AislingFliuch − NTA - the only thing you should MAYBE apologise for is grabbing her bag against her wishes (that may have been the point to get the grown ups involved instead). Otherwise though, 7 is more than old enough to know that stealing is wrong. Forcing you to let her keep items that she stole and forcing you to apologise to the thief is exactly the kind of parenting that has probably led to this child's confusion over right and wrong in the first place.

ADVERTISEMENT

amitathrowa − NTa. 'Now that I know you're ok with stealing, hope you got all your s**t locked up.'

sparrowhawk75 − Apologize. “I’m sorry your mother is raising a little thief. I’m sorry that your actions have made it so that I no longer trust you. I’m sorry that I no longer want you in my room or around my things. I’m sorry that you don’t care. I’m sorry for the type of person you’re becoming.” Etc. NTA

Nerwalawren − NTA and hell no I wouldn’t apologize.. My pride lip gloss

ADVERTISEMENT

OriginalLobster33 − NTA. If she didn't know it was wrong, why did she hide the items, started crying the second you showed you found your stuff in her bag and then proceeded to lie, telling everybody that you gave it to her? Your parents and her mother handled this situation very badly.. Also, you bought the lip gloss with your money, your parents shouldn't give away something that is not theirs.. Edit: Added a word.

tiger7lily − NTA. They are enabling her bad behavior. Hell they are rewarding it, by letting her keep you stuff.

swireian − NTA, your parents, the aunt, and possibly the child are. Clearly the child knows what she is doing wrong but she is also not held accountable.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit hot takes are fiery, but do they cut through the family fog or just add fuel to the drama?

This tale of lipstick and loyalty leaves us pondering: when does protecting a child cross into enabling bad habits? The college student’s stand sparked a family firestorm, but it also shines a light on teaching kids accountability. What would you do if you caught a young relative stealing your stuff—call them out or keep the peace? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *