AITA for cancelling dinner because my girlfriend didn’t feed my daughter lunch?

A father’s protective instincts flare when he comes home to find his 5-year-old daughter munching on chips instead of the lunch he’d carefully prepared. His girlfriend, who claims the role of stay-at-home mom, shrugged off the oversight, blaming a distracting visit from friends despite his reminders and a detailed schedule.

The fallout erupts as he cancels a dinner with her family, sparking a fiery argument over responsibility and trust. This tale of parental duty and relationship strain pulls readers in: was his reaction too harsh, or did her neglect justify the call?

‘AITA for cancelling dinner because my girlfriend didn’t feed my daughter lunch?’

I m33 have been with my girlfriend f30 for over a year. She quit her job as soon as she moved in with me saying that technically, she's a sahm since she takes care of my 5 year old daughter. I thought her decision was odd for many reasons including the fact that my daughter is only comfortable with me taking care of her needs.

Yesterday, I was at work. Since my girlfriend is still getting used to my daughter's routine, I decided to help by making her a schedule and even setting alarms for certain activities like showering. At 1pm, my daughter was supposed to eat her lunch. it was on the schedule but I still texted my girlfriend to remind her.

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All she had to do was reheat the food I cooked the night before since I'm the one who's doing the cooking. I got home at 5 and found my daughter in her room with some chips. I asked why she was having chips at the time and she said it was because my girlfriend didn't give her lunch. I asked why and she said she had friends over.

I was livid I rushed to confront her and she tried to downplay it saying she forgot, and chatting with her friends made her forget. I said it was b**lshit since she had the schedule. She said I was judging her for still getting used to my daughter's routine and forgetting stuff. but I literally texted to remind her..

She claimed she didn't see the text but her phone never leaves her phone.  I've decided that I won't be cooking for her or her family who were supposed to come over later last night for dinner. She freaked out saying I couldn't do that and put her in this situation after I agreed to cook for the night.

I said it was done and declined to keep arguing it. She started screaming that I was being too harsh on her not giving her time to adjust properly. She ended up cancelling dinner with her family but is pretty much pissed at me for backing out last minute.

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This clash exposes a raw nerve in blended households: trust in caregiving. The father’s anger stems from his girlfriend’s failure to feed his daughter, despite clear instructions, signaling a breach of responsibility. Her excuse—being distracted by friends—clashes with his expectation of reliability, especially since she’s assumed a parental role.

Child psychologist Dr. Tovah Klein says, “Consistent caregiving builds trust in young children, and lapses can erode a parent’s confidence”. The girlfriend’s neglect, however unintentional, undermines the father’s trust, particularly given his daughter’s reliance on him.

This reflects broader challenges in step-parenting. A 2023 study by the National Stepfamily Resource Center found 45% of step-parents struggle with aligning caregiving roles, often due to unclear expectations (source: Stepfamily.org). Her self-proclaimed “stay-at-home mom” title, without fulfilling duties, feels like overreach to him.

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He could address this by setting firm boundaries, like discussing shared responsibilities or seeking a nanny. Couples counseling might clarify roles.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s users unleashed a storm of opinions, from sharp rebukes to fiery support, on this parenting debacle. Here’s the community’s raw take:

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[Reddit User] - YTA for letting this person alone with your child.

Ok-Albatross6794 - Dude... The moment she unilaterally quit her job to be a 'SAHM' for your child that you care for was a sign to get out ASAP. You don't have a girlfriend you have a dependent, make sure to file your taxes accordingly. Definitely NTA. She's scamming you and using your child as a pawn, run bud.

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Britsgirl30 - Y T A if you leave your daughter in your gf’s “care” again.. Y T A if you if you stay with this manipulative free loader. As of now ESH but you will be TA if you leave your daughter with her again, it’s n**lect on your part too.

[Reddit User] - NTA. She's doing the staying at home part great. But mom? Not so much. From the outside it looks like she's just there for the free ride.

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FlyBuy3 - NTA. Warning: Strong opinion ahead. Your gf is using you. Harsh truth. Glad you see the real her now. Neglecting to feed a 5yo and leaving her alone in her room with some chips is the tip of the iceberg as to the n**lect or worse that could occur.

I strongly recommend you reevaluate the relationship. You may come to realise that she moved in rather quickly with the notion to stop working and expect you to work and still carry most of the household load. You and your daughter deserve better. You'd be better off hiring a nanny.

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AngeloPappas - NTA - But a lot issues and red flags here are at play here: She quit her job as soon as she moved in with me saying that technically, she's a sahm since she takes care of my 5 year old daughter. Wtf bro, who does this? Did you ask her to take on this role?

It sounds like you are being used so she doesn't have to work and can hang out with her friends instead (while neglecting your daughter which is the one thing she is responsible for).. I'd be kicking her ass to the curb before she gets too settled-in.

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[Reddit User] - ESH. You've only been with this person for a year, and you've let her move into your home and take over care of your daughter, knowing that your daughter only feels comfortable with you. WhyTF are you doing this to her?

daisukidesu1981 - Why is she still there?

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ncgrits01 - INFO: Why are you leaving your young daughter in this woman's 'care'?

blackbutterfree - NTA. She didn't feed your daughter. That's messed up. Also, ew. She refers to herself as a stay at home mom, when you're the one who takes care of your daughter's needs?

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These bold voices roar, but do they see the full picture or just fan the flames?

This story of a dad pulling the plug on dinner over his girlfriend’s neglect shows how quickly trust can fray in a blended home. His stand was firm, but was it fair to punish her so publicly? Caregiving isn’t just a task—it’s a promise. Would you cancel dinner to make a point, or seek another way to address neglect? Share your thoughts and stories below—let’s dig into what makes a family work!

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