AITA For Canceling Thanksgiving Over Sister-in-Law’s Diet Drama?

In a cozy suburban home, the scent of roasted turkey and pumpkin pie usually fills the air every Thanksgiving, but this year, the kitchen is eerily quiet. For two decades, a 40-year-old woman has played host to her sprawling family, juggling platters and personalities with grace. Yet, her sister-in-law Julie’s latest dietary demands have turned the holiday into a battlefield, sparking a decision to cancel the feast altogether.

The tension is palpable: a family divided over food choices, hurt feelings, and a canceled tradition. Readers can’t help but wonder—did she go too far, or was this the only way to reclaim her holiday peace?

‘AITA For Canceling Thanksgiving Over Sister-in-Law’s Diet Drama?’

I 40F have hosted Thanksgiving for my family (husband, children, mother, siblings and their spouses) for the last 20 years. There was never an issue until my brother met his now wife Julie\* five years ago. Julie is very big into fad diets (Atkins, keto, South Beach) and every year she sends me a list of foods that she cannot eat and a list of things that she can.

Last year I cooked her the exact keto foods that she wanted and she was upset the entire meal because my brother didn't want to eat it with her so they fought at the table. Last week she sent me a text message that she is now on the fertility diet as they are starting IVF and sent me another list of foods that she cannot eat and a planned menu for me to cook for her.

I texted her back and told her that this year I was making one meal and one meal only and she could either eat what was being served or bring her own food. She texted back and told me that I was being selfish and didn't care about her.

My brother called me up the next day and asked if I was happy about ruining Thanksgiving and started to yell about how at their BBQ last summer they catered to my food allergies (I am deathly allergic to strawberries and have an epi-pen).

I told my brother that this was not the same as a life threatening food allergy, that this was dietary choice, and it changes every year. He called my mother, who told him that we all find it difficult to keep up with Julie's dietary needs and that if she wants special foods, she needs to bring them herself.

Now my entire family is fighting with each other, my brother won't speak to me and my SIL is posting n**ty things about me on Facebook. I talked to my husband about this, and he said this was 'ridiculous high school b**lshit drama.' He told me he would be fine canceling the whole meal and it just being our family.

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I agreed with him and sent everyone a text message. I told them that Thanksgiving at my house is canceled. That I am serving (Thanksgiving menu). If they want to come over and eat with us, they are welcome to do so. My sister is thrilled that I finally said something about it.

She hosts Christmas dinner and is also tired of cooking extra meals. My mom however is upset that we are all fighting and thinks that I shouldn't have canceled the meal. Now I am starting to feel guilty, but my husband and my son say that I need to stand my ground and not give in to Julie and my brother.. So AITA for canceling Thanksgiving?

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Family gatherings can feel like a tightrope walk, especially when dietary demands add extra weight. Here, the host faces a clash between hospitality and personal boundaries, with Julie’s ever-changing diets fueling the fire. Her brother’s comparison of Julie’s choices to a life-threatening allergy misses the mark, escalating the drama.

This situation reflects a broader issue: navigating personal choices in communal settings. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, 68% of Americans report family gatherings as a significant source of stress, often due to clashing expectations (apa.org). Julie’s demands, while well-intentioned, burden the host unfairly.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Conflict arises when partners—or family—fail to validate each other’s perspectives” (gottman.com). Julie’s insistence and her husband’s defensiveness sideline the host’s efforts, creating a power imbalance. Acknowledging the host’s workload could have diffused the tension.

Advice: The host should maintain her boundary of preparing one meal, offering Julie the option to bring her own food. Open communication—perhaps a family meeting before the event—can set clear expectations. Julie could contribute a dish that aligns with her diet, fostering inclusivity without overwhelming the host.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, serving up opinions as spicy as cranberry sauce. Here’s a taste of their hot takes, full of candor and a dash of humor.

FutureChrome − NTA. If you have made *lifestyle choices*, you're responsible for them. The host doesn't have to accommodate it.. The comparison to deathly allergies is just stupid.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. You didn't cancel the meal as there's an open invite. You just cancelled cooking a separate meal for Thanksgiving. If your mom is so upset, she can either a) Host Thanksgiving herself; b) come over to your place and cook Julie's meal so the responsibility doesn't fall on you, the person who's already cooking a meal; or c) ask your brother and sister-in-law to host Thanksgiving so all of Julie's dietary wants can be met.

WantDastardlyBack − NTA - Honestly, with COVID rates skyrocketing most everywhere, many state leaders are asking people to not hold Thanksgiving gatherings anyway. I know my state is back to urging gatherings of no more than two families and no more than 10 people period. I'd just go with - canceling because of COVID - and be done with it.

TimeandEntropy − NTA Wow the entitlement here. So it's fine for SIL and bro to ruin Thanksgiving by fighting at the table over what he's going to eat and by requesting a whole extra meal be made at what is usually a meal that contains a huge amount of food.... but you saying This is the menu, bring other stuff if you don't want that is the problem..... Nope.

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It sucks your mom is upset, but I assure you, she is an adult and can figure out how to process those feelings. It's perfectly reasonable to not want to host people that make demands and then are super unpleasant on top of it. It is so not reasonable to ask your host to make an entirely separate meal every single time.

It is also nothing like making sure life threatening allergens aren't included in the meal. Your brother is trying to keep the peace with his wife but that's not your problem. Giving in will only feed the bad behavior you all hate.

IridescentAxlotl − NTA. Vegetarian here : I made a dietary choice, much like your sister, and it’s pretty annoying for some people to try to accommodate. I NEVER expect people to make whole seperate meals for me, but I do appreciate it when (especially during thanksgiving) there’s one or two things I can eat.

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So ur N T A OP, it’s not your responsibility to accommodate her. While I’m sure she’d appreciate it, her behavior is inappropriate for an adult and you shouldn’t feel like you have to bend to her will.. Edit : I think I’ve found every vegetarian on Reddit !

SmileThis9582 − YTA for having a family thanksgiving during a pandemic

Rundoges42 − ESH.. SIL shouldn't expect people to cater to her ever changing meal plan.. You shouldn't be hosting in person Thanksgiving dinners during the pandemic.

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knowsomeofit − NTA, but honestly, Thanksgiving this year is going to be a ton of super spreader events. You should cancel regardless of insane SIL's weird dietary stuff.

loloannd − NTA NTA NTA. I’m really proud of you for sticking to your guns. Holidays are stressful enough, and you’re so gracious for hosting and accommodating Julie’s whims all these years. But enough is enough. Your husband is totally right: this is some ridiculous high school drama b**lshit,

and no mature adult wants any part of that. Also, it doesn’t sound like you even really canceled. You canceled Julie’s tantrums, but anyone else that’s fine with a traditional Thanksgiving meal is welcome to attend.

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Eldritchjellybean − NTA for not wanting to deal with your SIL's unreasonable demands anymore. Like, I have dietary restrictions and would never demand accommodation like this let alone send the host a menu just for me. FFS she sounds exhausting. HOWEVER.

I honestly think anyone hosting large Thanksgiving & Christmas dinners this year is pretty assholish. People acting like they can't give up one holiday season in order to prevent the spread of a g**damn pandemic just baffles me. I'm reaaally sick of quarantining and would love to see family like normal too. It's not the responsible thing to do this year.

These Reddit gems spark a question: do they mirror real-world solutions, or are they just armchair quarterbacking?

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Canceling Thanksgiving was a bold move, born from years of bending over backward for a demanding guest. It’s a reminder that even cherished traditions can buckle under unchecked expectations. The host’s stand might just pave the way for a more balanced family dynamic—or at least a quieter holiday. What would you do if you were in her shoes, caught between family loyalty and personal sanity? Share your thoughts below!

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